The middle is the beginning

Throughout the course of this existence, at least as I remember it, there's been no shortage of times that I've felt: 'this is a huge mistake'. It's not even so much that I disagree with that feeling now, because those turns of events I always found unfavorable, and I still see myself then as I do now which is ill equipped and ill informed. Still, in the inevitable process of my learning from this life, I can't help but question the possibility. The definition of 'mistake' implies a choice, albeit a poor one. However, the more I think about the course of things and their inevitable inertia, I'm just left wondering if I ever had one to begin with...

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"Hey Siracha, got any plans for the weekend?" Cliff bellowed accross the laboratory.

Suraci had, to date, 6 PhDs and was currently doing research for his 7th that his employers and colleagues had been murmuring could win him a Nobel prize. But being so academically inclined and an introvert, he thought it was as obvious as an overdose what he'd be doing over the weekend. His experiments, after all, wouldn't run themselves. In fact, if he hadn't already been convinced of the incompetence of these PhD hopefuls, he'd suspect them of secretly mocking him with the question. However, realizing the politeness clause in the social contract, he gritted his teeth and replied with a long string of technical dialog about what he planned to do with his research. He figured if they couldn't learn by observation then perhaps he would bore them into leaving him alone. If he was by himself at least he could get things done and not silently cringe as they hollared that annoying nickname at him as if his given name was really that difficult to pronounce.

Companionship, in theory, wasn't reprehensible to him, but his disdain for people had only grown over the years. Being a smart child who often suffered at the incompetence of his elders wasn't alone enough to make him bitter. It was the reality that this divide between him and everyone else only grew with age and the same awful pattern only repeated in increasing orders of magnitude with each passing year. While it could be argued that in some ways he was still merely a smart child, it was undeniable that he was still surrounded by stupid adults. It was so painfully severe that he often wondered if he'd died and gone to hell and was being forced to watch the Dunning-Kruger effect on repeat. Like the Cassandra of Greek myth he would know and tell people the inevitable outcome, but was never listened to.

He often longed for someone that could understand him, but as time flowed away from him he could feel the grief and frustration of loneliness turn to bitter resentment as his growing intelligence further alienated him from what otherwise would be his peers. People would often whisper to each other about how he just needed to 'get laid'. But the brain being the most erotic zone for him left him without a suitable match.

Growing up he did feel the effect of his hormones, but he was such a book worm that his physical prowess suffered. He was thin and oddly proportioned going through rapid growth spurts. He was often picked on by both girls and boys. However, those that mocked him then wouldn't even recognize him now. After seizing the opportunity to do interstellar research he needed to be in peak physical condition. And Suraci being the nerd he was, instead of just getting in shape he geeked out on nutrition and exercise science. Whatever awkward appearance he had before, he had completely transformed. He now looked like he had been chiseled from marble. Unfortunately, his personality was intolerable enough to others that if anyone showed any interest it was only fleeting.

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Sumas could probably be most easily described as condensed fire. If there was something to be had Sumas would blaze the trail to it with passion, but if that something wasn't enough to continue to fuel their interests they would quickly burn out. Incidentally, they could sometimes be single minded and self absorbed. However, their record for accomplishment drew others wanting to ride the coattails of their genius in like moth to flame. Their unrivaled achievement having its own charisma wasn't the only draw to them either. What they lacked in self actualization they more than made up for in empathy with a seemingly inexhaustible passion for the cause of others, especially those less fortunate than themselves. While they often struggled to communicate their own nuance, they unrepentantly labored to grasp that in others. This sort of warmth was something many wanted to possess, but just as you can't grasp a flame, trying to hold on to Sumas would only get you burned.

That fateful day was like the big bang, likely not the first event in every dimensional space, but an easy starting point by which we can trace all resulting inertia.