Declan (Chapter 7)

There was no greater feeling than holding the woman you loved in your arms. As my arm tightened once around Addie's thin waist, I marveled at how lucky I was to have found her. Again. Not many people could say they ended up with their childhood sweethearts.

Reluctantly, I untangled myself from Addie's sleeping form, pulled on my pants, and made my way downstairs. Fallon, who had left only a few minutes before me, was standing by the coffee pot with his muscular arms folded over his chest. His eyes were intent on Ryder as he discussed all that had transpired during our absence.

Ronan and Asher sat at the dining room table, sipping coffee from their mugs. Tamson was volleying his gaze from Fallon to Ryder as the two talked. I didn't see Calax anywhere, but knowing the ugly bastard, he was probably still sleeping.

"Morning," I signed, moving to the coffee machine and pouring myself a steaming cup. Through some miracle, we had come across a battery operated coffee pot. I didn't even know shit like that existed, but it was a blessing in disguise. I needed the bitter liquid to survive the day.

I turned, shocked to see all eyes were on me. Fallon's were curious while the others' were wary.

"Is she still asleep?" Ronan signed rapidly. His dark brow was furrowed.

Frowning, I nodded once and took a sip of the blistering hot liquid. It soothed my throat and warmed my cold hands.

Ronan exchanged an undefinable look with Asher before nodding once and walking upstairs where Addie slept. I lifted a brow at their odd behavior.

It was Tamson that spoke, pushing his reddish brown hair out of his face. "She gets nightmares if she's alone for too long."

Nightmares?

That was new.

Sarge must've been thinking the same thing, for he set down his own cup of coffee and took a step closer. He looked intimidating as fuck in the flames of the candles, all sharp edges, broody scowl, and barely contained power.

"What's going on?" he asked. I imagined his voice would be dark, clipped.

Once more, the guys leveled one another with that same look. I could feel my never ending patience splintering. Seemingly on the same wavelength as me, Fallon pounded his fist onto the table.

Ryder's face was grave when he spoke next. I might've believed he was impassive if his eyes hadn't tightened, pain emanating back at me from his umber gaze.

"Calax." His lips moved slowly though his hands remained pressed down on the tabletop. Normally, the guys were more considerate when speaking to me. Whatever he had to say was obviously bad enough if he couldn't even sign it.

I braced myself for the words I knew would change my life.

"He's dead."

I froze, muscles bunching together as pain and grief consumed me. The coffee mug slipped from my fingers and shattered. The world was spinning rapidly, wildly, and I desperately grasped the back of the chair in order to orient myself to my new reality. A reality without Calax in it. Without his customary scowl and the warmth that seeped into his eyes only around us and Addie. The protective way he cared for each and every one of us.

My best friend.

My brother.

I swayed, and Asher rushed forward to help me sit down. Numbness encased me, overwhelming even the pain. Oh the irony. Who would've thought numbness would be stronger than grief?

Out of the corner of my eye, I took stock of Fallon's expression. He was standing there, eyes staring at something on the far wall. His face was apathetic, and not even I could derive anything from his facial features. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed deeply.

"What happened?" he asked.

I turned my attention towards Ryder to read his lips. I needed to know; I needed to understand. Pain grasped me in iron claws, refusing to release me.

"We were at the house." Ryder wouldn't meet either of our gazes. "After Addie had gotten off the radio with you." He nodded towards Fallon who remained immobile, rooted to his spot against the granite countertop. "Something happened...I'm not sure what...but there were suddenly Ragers everywhere. He was carrying Addie, but they were surrounded. He sacrificed himself for her."

Tears marred Ryder's face as he recollected the memory. His agony was almost tangible, and I knew the pain was reflected in my own eyes. Hearing what had happened…

While I had stubbornly decided my own life wasn't worth living…

I leaned over, dry-heaving. Someone patted my back sympathetically.

My heart broke for my brother doing what we all would've done: protect the person we loved more than anything. A part of me wanted to hate him for leaving us, but I knew I would do the same in a heartbeat.

Something mingled with the grief. Gratitude, I realized

.

I sat up, blinking tears out of my eyes. Suddenly, all of the men froze, eyes widening. As one, they rushed towards the staircase taking the steps two at a time. I followed along behind them helplessly, wondering what they had heard to cause such an immediate reaction.

That question was answered as we piled into Addie's room. She was curled in Ronan's arms on the floor, tears dripping down her face as she sobbed.

Oh Addie…

I focused on her lips moving as she cried out something. No, not something. A name.

Calax.

I wanted to be strong for her, but I couldn't. Collapsing to my knees, I crawled towards her and took her from Ronan. I needed to feel her in my arms, to know she was alive and well. Only when she was settled firmly against me, her tear-stained face resting in the crook of my neck, did I allow my own tears to fall.

Pain washed over me in a tidal wave. Losing someone you loved did things to you. Changed you intricately.

We were strong, I knew that, but I also knew how death could alter your entire perspective on life. What if Calax's death was the one thing we couldn't come back from?

The six of us had lost a brother, and Addie had lost the love of her life.

That wasn't something any of us could just bounce back from. Memories would haunt us, our dreams would warp reality, and the slightest reminder would send us barreling over the edge.

As my tears fell harder, I realized the rest of the men had subtly exited the room. Even Fallon.

I worried about him the most, even more than Addie.

He considered himself the leader of our group, the brain. Addie may be the heart and the glue that held us together, but Fallon - or Sarge as we so lovingly called him - was the one we looked to. The one who had always protected us. How would he take this? How would he compartmentalize his grief?

All I could do was hold Addie a little tighter, a little closer, and hope that would be enough for now.

But I knew it never would be.

* * *

Addie

The Ragers were closing in on us. So many.

"Addie!" Calax called, his voice tight with agony. I searched for him desperately in the sea of blotchy faces and milky, sunken eyeballs.

"Calax!" I cried, cupping my mouth with my hands. When there was no reply, I raised my voice to be heard of the cacophony of grunts and growls. "CALAX!"

But I knew I wouldn't find him.

"Calax!"

I woke up with his name a scream on my lips. Desperately, I patted the bed beside me, but it was empty.

I was alone.

A strangled sob escaped me as I searched the darkened room for any of my men. Where were they? Were they gone? Dead?

I couldn't breathe past the tightness in my chest.

A scream built in my chest, tears simultaneously streaking my cheeks. I staggered out of bed only to trip over my own two feet and land in a puddle on the ground.

"Shit! Addie!" A worried, familiar face entered my clouded vision, and I clutched at Ronan's arms desperately. His considerably larger body folded around mine, rocking me back and forth. He whispered in my ear, comforting words about how they were all safe, how much he loved me, how he would never leave me.

I was distantly aware of a new set of arms pulling me away. I recognized Declan's scent immediately, burrowing myself further into him.

I didn't know how long we sat there, both of us crying, but it was long enough for my body to ache with shooting pains.

With a gurgling sound I couldn't quite recognize, I pulled myself away from Declan. His face was red and blotchy, the faux hawk I admired so much hanging limply in his eyes. Almost absently, he brushed at the disobedient hair.

"You know?" I signed. There was only one thing that could cause such pain in his eyes. He nodded slowly.

"Are we...are we going to get through this?" I continued. He didn't answer right away, instead leaning forward to brush his lips against my forehead. I trembled at the connection, the feel of him. When he settled back, his arms still wrapped loosely around my waist, his eyes were determined.

"We'll try," he croaked out.

That was all any of us could do: try.