Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Iwas submerged in darkness.

It wasn't a normal darkness you would get stepping outside. Not the inky gray as stars peppered the sky and the moon hung suspended overhead. It wasn't even the dark you get when you step inside a windowless room, turn off every light, and wait with bated breath.

I couldn't put my finger on how it was different, only that it was.

This darkness felt as if I was trekking through feet of black tar. The blistering hot air made sweat drip down my neck and my hair cling to my scalp.

"Hello?" I whispered into the obscurity. "Is anyone there?"

Silence greeted me, as pronounced as the darkness itself. My stomach somersaulted as I took a tentative step forward. I strained my eyes, desperate to see anything other than the pitch black darkness.

"Anyone there?" I repeated, and my voice echoed back at me.

Anyone.

Anyone.

Goosebumps pebbled on my skin at the ominous sound reverberating through the darkness. I couldn't even see my hands mere inches from my face.

Trudging through what felt like snow, I became distinctly aware of a voice calling my name.

A voice as familiar to me as my own.

"Calax," I whispered, spinning rapidly.

The darkness receded as a single spotlight illuminated my tall, surly lover. The mere sight of him caused my heart to ricochet. My chest was as taut as a laundry string spanning between two buildings.

He looked exactly as I remembered him. His dark hair grazing his eyes, sculpted cheekbones and jawline, muscular body that rivaled all of my other lovers. His eyes, though, reflected a tenderness he only reserved for me. I melted under his stare.

"Callie," I whispered hoarsely. Reverently.

I didn't just love the large man. Iadoredhim. He was my first love, the first person who had looked past the superficial facade and to the broken soul underneath. He had held my heart with both hands, exhibiting a tenderness I never would've imagined from someone like him.

For so long, I'd hated him. But my hate was only a front for the true way I felt about him. He wasn't safe or easy. He made mefeelwith an intensity that left me breathless. Fear, anguish, love. They all became woven together.

With him, I was alive.

And I loved him. I loved him so damn much it was almost a physical, excruciating pain to see him now. My heart catapulted out of my chest when he flashed me a blinding smile - the same smile that often remained hidden behind scowls and frowns.

"Baby."

"I miss you. So fucking much."

"Then come get me," he countered. I froze in my pursuit to him, head tilting curiously to the side.

"Huh?"

"Think it through, Baby. Did you see a body?"

His words evoked memories from that horrible night. The Ragers converging on us. Calax's pleading, anguished eyes meeting mine before he was completely devoured. The snap of my precarious sanity.

"I saw you die," I whispered, emotion jamming my airway.

"But did you?" he asked mockingly. The same no-nonsense voice I had fallen in love with. He never allowed me to wallow in self-pity. He saw my bullshit and immediately called me out on it.

"Cut the crap, Bitch," I retorted, reverting to the childish back and forth banter we used to have. His lips curled.

"Don't call me a bitch, Mega Bitch."

"Don't call me a mega bitch, Extreme Asshole Bitch."

We shared soft smiles, the tension of the last few months draining from my body. Talking with him again, teasing him, being with him…

The ache that had grown in my chest didn't entirely alleviate, but it did lessen.

"You know that cheesy saying? About how a person is always alive because they live in someone's memories and blah blah blah?" I asked, venturing a step forward. "They're right. I'm here with you, aren't I?"

"And you can be with the real me if you looked," he responded dryly.

Dream Calax was as big of a dick as Real Calax.

"You're dead."

"No, I'm not. Why else would your subconscious dream of me like this?" he countered with a devilish grin.

"Because I want it to be true so badly. I want you to still be alive. I miss you. I need you. I can't breathe without you," I lamented. Tears sprung to my eyes.

His own features softened. "Didn't I promise I'd never leave you? Never. I'll love you forever, Baby. Forever."

His form began to shimmer around the edges, dematerializing before my very eyes. Desperate to touch him, kiss him, show him how much I loved him, I broke into a run.

But the darkness returned with a vengeance, once more obscuring Calax from view. In the abyss, I began to scream and cry.

"Calax!"

* * *

I awoke with a start.

"Wake up, sleepy head. We're here," Asher said softly, brushing my sweaty, tangled hair out of my face. I blinked the sleep away, glancing warily around.

The darkness had descended, painted with stars and a crescent moon the palest shade of gold.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked drowsily. Moving slowly, I tested each of my taut muscles. After being cramped in a car for hours on end, it hurt to move more than a millimeter.

"Half a day," replied Asher easily. "We're stopping for the night. Jared and Fallon already cleared the building."

The building was actually an elegant hotel complete with balconies lining the sides and intricately trimmed wood. The beige color was offset by darker ornaments decorating the windows. At five stories tall, I recognized the building as being owned by a competitor of my dear old daddy.

Funny how things turn out.

Taking Asher's hand, I marveled at the inside complete with a three-tiered chandelier, a fountain currently devoid of water, and leather chairs on either side of a large fish tank.

My heart lurched uncomfortably at the dozens upon dozens of dead fish floating at the surface of the water.

Still, there was no denying the elegance and opulence of the lobby. Even in the midst of the apocalypse, it was gorgeous.

"This place is fucking beautiful," I cooed, peering around the purple and green themed lobby. The colors, oddly enough, didn't clash. The light green made the room softer while the deep purple captured your attention.

The inside was hot, but nothing compared to the heatwave outside. Sweat still prickled at my skin, but it was no longer unbearable.

"The others are upstairs already," Asher exclaimed, tugging at my hand. We moved in silence towards a grand staircase in the far corner of the lobby.

"Asher?"

"Yes, Sweetheart?"

"Is it possible that Calax is still alive?"

Asher stumbled up one of the steps, gripping the golden banister to right himself. Wide-eyed, he turned towards me. I hurried to elaborate.

"We never actually saw a body, and we left before...well...he was still alive when we left." My throat closed at that statement.

Did he think we abandoned him?

I knew he had told us to leave, but saying something and doing something were entirely separate facets.

Did he actually expect us to leave, or did he assume we would come back for him? Save him?

Refusing to go down that road, I focused back on Asher. The skin between his brows was creased as he carefully considered his answer.

"I know you want him to still be alive. Heaven only knows I do too. But, Sweetheart, there's no way he could've survived that. Not without immediate medical help. I'm sorry." And I could tell hewassorry, and not just for Calax's death.

For bearing the news that he was never coming back.

I knew it, I honestly did, but something in my heart stopped me from believing it completely. Was it foolish to hold onto hope?

Yes, very much so.

That hope would inevitably shatter, and I would be left with nothing but pain. For now, I would clutch my hope, my fractured heart, close to my chest. I refused to succumb to the despair yet again.

That hope would keep me sane, I knew, in the coming weeks.

"Come on." Asher tugged at my hand. "We have a surprise for you."

"Surprise? What is it?"

He turned his head, a tremulous smile on his face. "If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise. But first, you need to speak with Fallon."

"Fallon?" I asked, blinking. "Why?"

"No idea. Maybe it's another surprise."

I had the feeling I was in for a surprise alright, but not necessarily a pleasant one.

As we walked, I made outrageous guesses about the surprise.

"A sparkly dildo on a unicorn?"

"The U.S.A. swim team?"

"A girlfriend for Mof?"

My cat was currently with Tommy and Nik in whatever room they were holed up in. It seemed as if I had been betrayed by the black critter.

Word of advice? Never trust a cat.

I spun out of Asher's embrace before dramatically swooping back in. I rested my chin on his shoulder and smiled up at him.

"Is it a hot orgy?"

His cheeks flamed deliciously.

Before he could confirm or deny, he stopped in front of a door on the second floor.

"Fallon's in there. We'll see you after, alright?"

"Sir, yes, sir." I saluted, wiggling my hips.

Wiggling. My. Hips.

Sometimes, I wondered what was wrong with me.

Asher smiled kindly, not commenting on my awkward dancing, before knocking on the door. A moment later, Fallon answered, face solemn. That wasn't uncharacteristic. Our team leader was a moody bastard.

"Heard that," Fallon muttered.

"Me Fallon. I grunt." I lowered my voice in an admittedly poor impersonation of the man before me. It had the desired reaction: his face softened instantly and a smile dusted his face.

Pecking Asher on the cheek goodbye, I followed Fallon into a candlelit room. It had a single king-sized bed, a desk, a television and television stand, and a connected bathroom.

It was the bed Fallon sat on, twiddling his thumbs anxiously. It was shocking enough to see Fallon in a setting as mundane as a hotel room, but seeing him nervous? That was something I thought I would never see.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked, suddenly timid and unsure.

Was he breaking up with me?

Could he even break up with me when we were never officially dating?

Think of the children. What would we tell them?

"We don't have children, Addie." His lips twitched.

"I meant our nonexistent children. Obviously." I waved a hand dismissively before joining him on the bed. Immediately, he grabbed my hand and began to play with my fingers.

That wasnotsomething you would do if you were planning on breaking up with a person, right?

"I'm not breaking up with you," Fallon said quietly. His entire attention was riveted on my lean fingers. His hand engulfed mine, skin a few shades darker than my own pasty coloring.

Tension I hadn't even known I'd been carrying seeped out of me. My shoulders visibly relaxed, and I shifted closer to Fallon.

"So…?"

He took a deep, shuddering breath. His eyes snapped closed, and his hand went to pinch the bridge of his nose. I might've believed he was annoyed with me if he hadn't suddenly opened his eyes, allowing me to glimpse the anguish and fear.

Worry slammed into me. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I'm going to tell you something, but I'm afraid you'll hate me." His voice cracked at that. The unbreakable Sarge, the commanding leader, was scared.

He was...broken.

"I'll never hate you."

Another deep exhale left his chapped lips. His hand tightened over mine.

"I was engaged."

His words were biting, fast, nearly inarticulate, but I heard them as if he had screamed.

"What?" I asked, blinking at him.

"I was engaged until two weeks after I met you."

His words made my breath leave me. My heart ricocheted up a notch inside my chest.Thump. Thump. Thump.

"What?" Honestly, at this point, I was surprised I was capable of saying anything.

"Her name was Olivia," he said softly. Absently. He didn't look up from where our fingers interlocked. "My uncle and father thought it would be a good match. She was the press secretary's daughter, beautiful, witty...but I never loved her. It felt as if I was going through the motions day after day. Almost as if I was in darkness my entire life. I knew I should've loved her - hell, I wanted to love her - but I couldn't. Not even the others knew about her. Oh sure, they knew I was seeing a girl, but they don't know how serious it had become. At least, on the outside.

"I remember I had just proposed to her when I was called to the resort to save my team after a tornado struck. At the time, I had been doing research about a human-trafficking ring. Olivia had been with me...so I proposed. It felt like something I was supposed to do, you know? I was dating this girl, had been for two years, and she had confessed her love to me. I said it back because what else was I supposed to say?

"And then I visited you at the hotel with Ryder, and you were in that damn wheelchair looking so fucking beautiful, and it was like a light being flipped on.

"I got to know you, started to fall in love with you, and I realized I couldn't lead Olivia on. I called her that day and ended things."

His breathing quickened, hand tightening around mine to the point of pain.

"I left a girl in the middle of the fucking apocalypse, Addie. Of course, I didn't know it was the apocalypse at the time, but still. What type of man does that? Not one deserving of you, that's for damn sure. I left her, and I didn't think twice about it. She's probably dead by now, and that fucking hurts. I may not have loved her like that, but I did care about her. Does it make me heartless?" His voice lowered to a raspy whisper. "Do you hate me now?"

Slowly, I untangled my hand from his and placed it on my lap. I needed to process what he had just told me.

Fallon had been...engaged.

To a girl.

And he chose me over her.

His words tumbled through my mind, a gymnastics routine I couldn't quite keep up with. Tears festered in my eyes.

For the first time since I met Fallon, I understood him.

Sure, I had always loved him, but love didn't necessarily equal understanding. For so long, he had kept an impenetrable barrier between the two of us. Secrets grew around that wall like flowers in a garden.

Today, he had trusted me with his deepest secret. Trusted me to love him and handle it.

But what if I couldn't?

Fallon had left that poor girl for me. What if he met someone new and did the same thing again? What if he left me for some blond bimbo?

I knew I wasn't thinking logically, but the fear remained.

And what of that girl? He had justlefther. I knew he didn't love her and people break up all the time...but why me? What made me so special?

I barely understood my own thoughts.

"Please say something." Fallon's voice was choked. "You're the only girl I've ever loved. The only one Iwilllove. I can't do this without you."

The raw sincerity in his voice nearly unraveled me.

"Fallon…"

"I love you." He grabbed my hips desperately, positioning me on his lap. He trailed open-mouthed kisses over my shoulder and neck. "I love you. Please don't hate me. Please don't leave me. I love you."

It was only then that I understood. Fallon acted as if he was made of cement, but that wasn't true. He was actually crafted from glass and one wrong move could break him. How had I never noticed it before? Fallon, Sarge, our leader, was broken.

"Fallon." I captured his head, my palm resting on his cheek, and turned his face towards mine. Tears glimmered, unshed, in his eyes. "I will never hate you. What you did...yeah, it was pretty shitty. Breaking up over the phone in any circumstance is shitty, but you didn't know the world was going to end. No one can blame you for that. I'm not mad at you. At all. I'm confused, yes, and hurt that you didn't trust me, but we'll get through this. I love you. I trust you. You fell out of love. Or maybe you never truly loved her to begin with. Only you can answer that, but either way...Fallon...that's normal. Just...just don't fall out of love with me, okay?"

"Never." He pressed his lips to mine in promise.

And I knew then that what we had, though unconventional, was forever.