9.Magnolia

(Song for the beginning I cried extremely: Adagio for Strings, Op. 11- Leonard Bernstein)

(Song: Magnolia- Laufey)

Victoria's POV

"Why do I have to hear from Peter that you are selling your apartment?" Sherlyn spoke as I sigh rubbing my head ever so softly.

"I found a smaller space for myself" I mumbled.

"Okay and? Why are you even looking for another place when you have one already?"

"Because Sher, Dante and I's home is too big for just me."

"Then I'll move in with you, simple-."

"No, you and Peter just got your place, I'm not going to take you away from him when you guys just started living with one another" I look down in my hands as I type on my computer the bright light of the lab room causing me a slight headache.

"You know he wouldn't mind; I mean you are my priority right now" she mumbled under her breath as I hear beeps in the background.

"You do not have to worry about me you know? It's been almost 6 months now, you don't have to babysit, or check up on me every 2 hours."

"Sorry for trying to be a good friend, I'm..." she lets out a deep breath as I feel myself stop typing ready to hear her "you know I'm just worried for you."

Of course, she was, she always was, and ever since my dads passing she has always been worried about me. If I didn't answer her calls after the 5th time I was considered dead or kidnapped in her eyes, I can feel a small smile creep on my lips as I shake my head.

"I know you are... but you know I have a job, and you know how strict they are with calls, constant calls" I mumbled.

"Look all I called was for you to take down the listing of your apartment, I forbid you okay? You know how hard he worked to save up to buy you it, so please take down the listing" I stay quiet after she spoke "I also called because I have a gig tomorrow night at that new café downtown, and I want you to come, I mean it."

I look down at my hands picking at a piece of skin that is dangling on the corner of my thumb as I begin to peel it slowly as I mumble a soft okay through the phone.

"I love you" I can hear her smile through the phone as she spoke these words to me "you heard me?"

I nod but quickly shaking my head "I love you too."

"I have to go now the band wants to rehearse the song for tomorrow night since it's different from what we normally perform..." rustles are heard through the phone as she tries to open a door "hey sweetheart I didn't know you were coming..." her voice was soft as I let out a sigh feeling my chest become heavy "oh I was on the phone with Vicky- how is she?" I hear Sherlyn's voice change to Peters. It goes silent as Peter lets out a sigh as well "she'll be fine babe" Peter spoke.

I know I should have ended the call, but she didn't say bye.

"I mean how are we supposed to know that Peter? She's burying herself in her work and rarely is at her and Dante's apartment, I haven't seen her since I took her out to her favorite diner and even then she was out of it!" Sheryln's voice became more agitated "she has become skinnier, the color on her face is gone besides the red eyes and puffy eyelids I can barely tell if she's taking care of herself. I'm scared Peter, I'm scared for her..."

"I know sweetheart, I know" Peter mumbled "we just have to believe in her."

I was now holding back tears as my finger quivers as I end the phone call.

I know she didn't mean anything bad with what she said, she probably didn't even know she was still on call with me, but as I sit here I couldn't help but feel my heart crumble. I was doing it again, I was shutting myself off from them, from her.

And what's worse.

I didn't even know how I could stop myself from doing what I was doing.

I'm trying so desperately to go back to normal, to at least show her that I'm doing well, but I'm not well.

I mean how can I? Everywhere I go I'm reminded of him, sometimes I can still smell him while I walk around the city, I can see him sitting in the café in front of the building I work at, I can see him smiling like he never left. When I come back home all I can see is him, I can see him cooking and washing the dishes, I can see him sitting on the couch reading pride and prejudice as he complains on how they should just admit they want another. I see him at the front of the door having his arms open, I can see him looking down at the city from our window, and when I turn around on our bed he is still sleeping peacefully, with no care in the world.

I can hear him.

I can hear him calling my name when I'm alone cleaning up the house, I can hear his laugh when I'm sitting alone in the living room, I can hear him all around me.

It's overbearing.

Living day by day feeling him all around me, to walk into an empty home where it once was filled with precious memories of him, to have such a large space with no life in it, to have no meaning to it.

I was tired of that apartment, I was angry with it, and that is why I placed it for sale.

I can no longer keep up with its emptiness.

It was eating me alive, slowly.

I was considering Sherlyn's offer, but she just couldn't understand how difficult it is to me to live in a place I once shared with someone that I loved so dearly, and that someone is no longer here, with how difficult it is to be remined that they are no longer here.

As I contemplate in my own mind I feel a soft hand on my shoulder as I flinch looking up to see one of my coworkers smiling down at me "you okay Hun?" I nod softly as she walks away.

I focused on my work as hours passed by.

I was now at my front door again dreading entering the empty space.

I could already feel him before I can even turn the doorknob, he was welcoming me home, my hand shakes lightly as I push the large door open as my nose is filled with his sweet smell of woodsy cologne and the mixture of his cigars he smoked occasionally when he needed to unwind. My eyes water as I take a step inside as I look out the front door dreading each second as I pull on the handle when large hands wrap around my waist as I fall on the ground before crying softly to myself.

"Please" I whispered as I try to catch a hold of my breathing as I rush to close the door, so the smell won't disappear, I shiver as try to gain control of my body as I stand up slowly as I look on the sofa seeing everything left the way it was the day Dante left. I lay on the couch holding onto myself as I desperately hold back my tears with each memory passing through my brain.

__

I wake up in the middle of the night to a tapping on my shoulder and again I wake up to the dark empty living room and see nothing... no one there.

I let out a heavy sigh as I sit up my body shaking lightly due to the heavy pressure I am currently feeling, I stand up slowly and walk towards the window looking at the city around me, I hold myself in my arms feeling slightly scared of the height but remembering that's why Dante chose this apartment for us.

I knew deep down I never wanted to leave this place. To sell it to someone else that will make new memories with someone, I couldn't process the thought of someone loving this place as much as he did, and I didn't want to, I'm too greedy.

God. I am greedy.

I don't want anyone else to own such a beautiful scenery and take everything away from me, to take away his memories, to take away ours, to take away his view that he loves so tremendously. I stand here never wanting to know someone is living in a home that we adored with every passing moment.

But still how can I live here alone, how can I live in a place with so much love and resemblance to him, to know he is no longer here to express that love.

To live here and be woken up by him every second and be reminded that he isn't really here, to smell, to hear, and to feel him every second I spend here.

I want to bare it and never give up the home he bought for us, but how much longer can I put up with the emptiness before I do end up going insane and begin to actually think he is still here.

Then what?

__

"I came to pick you up... Vicky?" I heard knocking on my door as I scramble off my floor where I probably passed out again on, I rush to the noise glancing down at the small screen to the right of my entrance seeing Peter dressed in long overcoat jacket and maroon sweater underneath, his quiff like hair was brushed back and his glasses on the brim of his nose as he stares at the camera intensely.

I answer the door, the lock clicking as Peter walks through the hallway looking around the room before sighing lightly as he began to pick up the cans of energy drinks from the floor.

"Have you eaten?" he asked without looking at me, annoyance in his voice.

"I fell asleep when I got home yesterday so no" I answered barely above a whisper.

Peter hasn't looked into my eyes since the day Dante passed away, he barely spoke to me as it is, only sent messages making sure I've eaten and I guess making sure I'm still alive, sometimes he would come unannounced when I was at work and cleaned the home before leaving me my favorite takeout on the counter and a note ordering me to eat, and of course I did, why would I disobey him when he's busy enough with his Tia May.

"It's 4 already" Peter paused as he was picking up one of my papers from work glancing at it before laying it on the counter "just... go shower for her performance... you can't miss them anymore, or you'll be kicked out the fan club" he tried to joke as he looks down at the ground as I nod quickly running into Dante's and I room as I rush to the bath room and turning on the water to my shower head.

I hold back a smile as I enter the shower, I'm glad he remembered how we first met, after I was done showering I felt drained as I looked at myself through my mirror, my eyes were puffy and red, my lips were cracked, my skin seemed almost dead as I try to pinch myself some color into my cheeks, I lost a lot skin fat that I adored so much as I sigh and drying my long hair before putting in a clip as I changed into extremely thick leggings as I slide another pair on top of the other then began layering some random t shirts laying on the ground as I grab Dantes favorite hoodie sliding it over my body as I make my way outside the room seeing Peter near the window looking down at the city as my heart began to race lightly as he reminded me of Dante, I turn around almost stumbling into the wall.

They were best friends, when Peter arrived he... he was, I can't even remember anything from that day.

"Hey you okay?" Peter called from behind me as I turn to my bag before grabbing it.

"My bag is all" I sighed as he glances between me and the wall before letting out a heavy breath and walking towards me.

"Let's go, we'll be late to this performance, and we can't afford that or she will have my head because I was in charge of bringing you, then your head if you don't arrive period" Peter muttered as I nod my head.

It felt normal for a second as we reach my front door as Peter bends down grabbing my pair of tan mugs laying them frontwards towards me as I slide my feet inside as we walk out my front door feeling a small weight off my shoulders.

"Are you still going to sell it?" Peter suddenly asked as he locks the door behind us.

"... No" I whispered.

"Good- he wouldn't want you too. He bought it for you" he mumbled as he walked ahead of me as I turn to the apartment door.

They're stood Dante with a bright smile waving us off as I turn around towards Peter as he is staring at the door with a slight frown before letting out a shaky sigh before walking towards the stairs, I glance at the front door once again Dante no longer there, just a blank space as I turn around walking towards Peter.

"I miss him" I whispered as we take a foot inside the stairwell, Peter froze.

"I miss him too" he mumbled coughing nervously.

"Did you see him too?"

"No" he lied; I slowly nod before passing him down the stairs in silence.

The rest of the way to Sher's performance was pure silence, we both didn't speak, it felt like such a burden to my heart every time I glanced at Peter, we talked all the time, whether it was about our jobs, our plans for the next few days, to Sher's plans or ideas. However now it feels like there is no future, for me that is, like there was no reason for us to speak, it felt like everything now was pointless.

"I need you to get better Vicky" Peter stopped in his tracks as I look at him and finally he was looking me in the eyes for the first time in a while "I'm worried about you, maybe selling that apartment is a good idea, all I see is a mess every time I come to visit, you not home or you laying on the living room carpet, I'm scared..." his voice cracked "I don't want to walk in one of these days and you- you are unresponsive... I can't have that, and I won't, not for me and not for Sher, we don't deserve that. You are slowly shutting us out and it's taking a toll on us... I can't keep seeing you like this, and she can't either."

I stand there frozen feeling like that time when Sherlyn and I got in an argument over the death of my father, I was a hopeless case... I really was.

"If you need to leave that place then leave, don't feel like you are being held back... I understand- every time I walk in there... everything reminds me of him- I sometimes can't even stay a full 20 minutes inside, hell even looking at you now all I see is him, everything about him was you, and sometimes I can't bare to see something he loved so much stay here where he isn't even alive" Peter began to cry softly as I rush towards him letting my arms wrap around his waist as he hugged me tightly "he loved you Vicky... his main priority was you, not that house, it was always about you and what you loved, he would understand if you need to leave it."

I shake my head softly "I can't leave it, I can't bare the thought of leaving all our memories lonely in a home that won't have us in it, I don't want to go."

"I won't ever stop you if you do ever decide you can no longer manage it, I will be there first if you ever need to leave."

I pull away from him and nod "we should really leave" he sighed softly before laying his hand over my shoulder "oh my god I can't believe we just cried in the middle of the sidewalk" he chuckled softly.

"Pretty corny of us" I laughed covering my mouth as he shoves me softly off of him as I almost slip on the ice of the ground, we begin laughing as walk again towards the little café in front of my work.

I slip into the door Peter was holding open seeing that it was almost packed inside when I hear someone calling Peter's name through the café, I make my way to the man calling expecting someone from his job to only see Flash sitting in a table smiling  towards Peter as his gaze slowly shifts towards me, his eyes slowly brightening then quickly changing to a worried expression. Peter takes a chair before motioning me to sit down as I nod quietly sitting next to Flash whose eyes never left me since he realized I attended todays performance. I don't understand Sher or Peter for letting someone that clearly was in love with Sher become friends with him, I let out a sigh glancing at Flash as he nervously looks away from me.

"She won't bite" Peter chuckled before nudging my shoulder lightly.

"I might" I mumbled to myself.

"How have you been?" Flash asked suddenly.

"I've been fine" I nodded towards him as he lets out a sigh of relief.

"I was worried she might shove me like you did Parker" Flash joked as we recall the day his Tio passed away and for some reason Flash thought it was suitable time to just stop acting childish and wanting to comfort Peter in some type of way.

"Me too" they began to laugh as I look between them feeling reminded of Dante and Peter when they were together.

Suddenly the lights in the café begin to dim as the lights on the small stage light up, my heart flutters lightly when I see Sher walk onto the stage with her blonde hair with hard streaks of purples glisten under the stage light as she smiles towards the crowd of people that cheer for her in a nice well-mannered way, as she waves.

She was a star, a bright shining star that I am always drawn to, like a bee drawn to a flower.

(Art)

I haven't seen her in a while, and sitting here now makes me regret every time I pushed her away, I could be spending my time with someone I know will lift my spirits, someone that wants me around because in the end in some way I probably make her feel the same way.

So deep in thought I didn't feel the large back pats of Peter and Flash as I look up from my hands so see Sherlyn smiling down at me, her smile blinding me for just a mere second as she reaches down to my hand leaving a soft squeeze.

(Art)

"Today's performance is meant to my amazing beautiful Best friend" her eyes began to water as she pulls her hand away as I try to hold my tears back "she is one of the strongest people in this world, she has dealt with many events in her life that would've broken me in a heartbeat, but to see such an amazing human push through after everything. I believe she deserves the entire world at her feet. She is a strong independent woman, she is intelligent, kind, a little bit of a bitch sometimes" the crowd laughed softly as I smile "okay and she's a bit crazy, but we all are, I mean I am when it has anything to do with her, but she truly is such an extraordinary human being, and to see her today, right now in this moment" she sniffed back her tears "I truly feel like she isn't just a best friend to me, but she is a sister, a sister that I know will be there for me whenever I need her, someone that will put everything down in a heartbeat if she felt something was off with me. Not to mention she always looks out for me like an older sister, I am pretty stupid at points. We've fought like sisters, we've talked like sisters, we've cried in each other arms like sisters, laughed, barfed, talked about boys with another, we even slept in the same bed because sometimes thunderstorms scares her, but in the end we've loved like sisters."

I felt tears stream down my face as I try to stay calm when flash handed me a couple of napkins as I nod softly as I thank you towards him.

"So, my Fairy, this one is for you" Sherlyn sniffed before Peter hands her some napkins as she bends down lightly kissing him on the forehead as I laugh lightly as Peter turns back to our table with flushed cheeks.

Sherlyn sits on a stool her old acoustic guitar I bought her from years ago was on her lap, I smile seeing the stickers and writings we did when we were younger decorating the guitar, she looks at me as the light cascades to only on her as she slowly began to strum the guitar.

"Magnolia, she could have anyone in the world" She sang barely above a whisper, it was so soft, so unlike her normal type of singing, which is very loud and outgoing, hearing her voice so sweet like honey captivated me once again.

"Floats around town in a golden gown, born in a castle on a cloud" she strums her guitar softly "Magnolia, prettiest girl that I know" she turns to me winking at me as I try to hold back my tears.

"Stars in her eyes, handpicked from the skies, Beautiful soul" she sang as her eyes began to water "How can I compete with her? Perfection is the only word I think of when I think of... Magnolia" tears slowly begin to stream down her pink colored cheeks "She doesn't know that the world is turning just for her."

Sherlyn takes a soft breath in "I wish I could be Magnolia" she hummed quiet ohs "Magnolia, she can move oceans and rivers with ease" she smiled down at me "a word from her lips, her sirens kiss will send you straight into abyss" I giggle lightly at the word siren remembering my nickname I gave her when we were younger but now using it for me.

"Magnolia, I wish she'd give her secrets away" she looked at me with sadden eyes "enchants everyone and I think it'd be fun to be like her someday" she sang louder as she slowly stands from the stool before making her way down the stage still strumming softly on her guitar "I cannot compete with her Perfection is the only word I think of when I think of Magnolia" she makes her way towards me as I feel flushed from my tears and the attention suddenly on me.

"She doesn't know that the world is turning just for her" Sherlyn looks at me as she stops strumming before hugging me softly "I wish could be Magnolia" she sang in my ear as I felt my arms wrap around her feeling my heart heavy as I take in her smell as I let out a shaky breath as she hums into my hair "Magnolia."

Soon I felt her crying into my shoulder as I begin crying on her too as we both pat each other's back softly.

"I love you..." she whispered as I cry harder.

It's been so tough, so tough to live through life again after Dante's passing but I forget how the person holding me was someone that sees me the way I see Dante, the way I see her, and if I saw her in the same place I would suffer just as she was if she acted the same way I was.

I don't deserve such an amazing person in my life.

But I was grateful for her, I wouldn't know what to do without her.

"I love you more..." I sniffed as she pulls away with a soft smile on her lips.

"Not possible, I love you so much more" she giggled before wrapping her arms around me once again, so tightly it felt like she thinks I could disappear that second, but I will never leave her side... Never.