"Her tiny brush stokes"

[December 2nd, 2021]

She opened her eyes half-way, finding herself in her bed like every morning. She went out of her room after washing up to see her mother preparing breakfast.

"You slept for so long. Do you feel any better now?" Her mother asked, placing the plates on the table.

Aurora nodded cluelessly.

"You slept mid-way so, Sean left after a few hours too." Her mother sat down and tapped on the chair to indicate her to sit down as well.

She sat down furrowing her brows in confusion.

"Sean was here? Why?" She asked cluelessly.

"What do you mean, sweetie?" Her mother asked patiently. "You called him here yesterday if I'm not mistaken…" She added in confusion.

"I did? Why?" She asked. "I didn't call him… I didn't even see him yesterday. Wait… What did I do yesterday?" Aurora asked before frantically panicking.

Breathing heavily, trying to recall, she lost her appetite.

"Aurora, maybe I am mistaken." Her mother tried to calm her down.

/Aurora shook her head before running back to her room without eating her breakfast. She slammed the door shut and sat down on the floor, devastated after forgetting an entire week. The noise of the door caused her father to come check on her from his room. He knocked at her door before entering.

"Hey!" He called her out, sitting down on the floor. "Come on, let's visit the doctor. Alright?"

She was too numb emotionally, to understand. So, her father took her to the hospital where she was sent to the palliative care team. The team asked a few questions provided by her father about her previous week and she couldn't remember anything.

However, the team didn't make it obvious to her that she was losing her memories. They rather told her that nothing specific happened to her in the last week. And she bought their words, for being totally clueless.

The team advised her to indulge into calming indoor activities. What she did remember was her conversation with her art teacher, so, she chose painting as a last resort to capture her memories while they were still fresh.

As they left the hospital, her father bought a fresh canvas for her and drove back to home. He helped her set the canvas straight on the stand and left her alone on her demand on being left alone.

She grabbed her brush and wetted it with black paint stroking all over the canvas thinking why she had forgotten about her week. Even though, the care team told her she hadn't forgotten about anything, she still felt like she was missing something. Her tiny brush strokes weren't working. They weren't helping her remember.

"On Monday, I was…" Aurora whispered as she twisted her brush about the canvas trying to remember. She shook her head. "Yesterday, I was… Doing what?" She sighed loudly, not being able to remember anything.

She didn't even remember that she had a CSF leak. She put her brush down, lacking motivation to move even an inch. She grabbed her phone thinking she could find something to remember her lost memories. She scrolled through her phone contacts and read chats. She read Lucy's chat about her grandmother.

"Don't worry about not being able to visit Granny today?" She said to herself out of curiosity.

She scrolled back up to get to Sean's contact and called him. She could only ask him for ways when she was lost.

"Sean?" She asked as he picked up the call.

"Hm?" He asked back. "Are you alright?"

"I… No." She said hesitantly. "I don't remember anything." Her voice shook.

"What do you mean? Do you want me to come see you?"

"N-No. I just want to know a few things."

"Yeah?"

"Did something happen to Lucy's Granny?" She asked, not knowing anything.

"What?" Sean asked, being confused and utterly speechless to how she forgot about that. "I think we need to meet up. I'm coming over." He said before cancelling the call, seated with Ethan at a café.

Ethan stared at his troubled expression, without asking a question.

"I might have to leave." Sean said before standing up from his seat.

"Is it Aurora?... Let me come with you." Ethan insisted.

Sean let him tag along, as Ethan was the mood maker and exactly what she needed right now. They quickly went to her house, greeted her mother and headed straight to her room. Sitting in front of the canvas, she had finished her incomplete painting.

She chose to draw a butterfly, as memories of the art class were still fresh for her. Little did she know, she herself declared herself unworthy of the title.

The butterfly's orange wings were still freshly painted, smudged across the canvas frantically. Yet, it didn't look bad. It still captured her torn feelings. She looked at Sean, then Ethan as she stood up from the chair and went over to the bed.

"Aurora, What's wrong?" Sean asked, sitting beside her.

She looked at Ethan, wondering if she could talk then looked at Sean. He nodded.

"Did he find out? And I forgot?" She started to panic.

"No, you didn't forget anything. I never told you he found out, right Ethan?"

"Right… I found out on my own Aurora, I'm sorry."

She broke into tears.

"I'm sorry Ethan. I'm a terrible friend!" She covered her face with her hands as she wept.

Ethan walked closer, patting her shoulder slowly as she sniffed lightly.

"I can't remember anything!" She complained loudly. "I can't remember that I gave my last exam!" She took short, frequent breaths. "I don't remember!"

"Aurora, calm down!" Sean exclaimed in concern as he grabbed a glass of water from the side-table and gave it to her.

She took heavy breaths after gulping the entire glass of water down her throat. Seemingly, she had calmed down a little.

"What happened… to Lucy's Granny?" She asked hesitantly.

Ethan looked Sean half-way, thinking if it was right to let her know. Sean nodded. There was nothing to hide.

"She passed away due to post-surgical stroke." Ethan said, "She had a heart attack and went through a successful by-pass surgery. But she had a stroke later that night."

Aurora exhaled impatiently, with her eyes wide open and her hands trembling to have forgotten that.

"I… Forgot that?" Her eyes teared up again.

Her breaths became uneven and started to shake. It was too much for her to digest. They called her mother and she was put to bed forcefully by her, and the boys were taken away.

"When I found out about her illness…" Her mother said, seated with the boys in the lounge over a cup of coffee. "I couldn't believe my ears. I wanted to think it was a nightmare but she assured me that she wasn't in pain. So, I thought maybe I shouldn't worry about her for her own sake. But seeing her forget things is…" Her eyes teared up as she added.

"I didn't imagine her to start forgetting things." Sean said neutrally seated, in his hands a cup of coffee which he had no appetite to drink whatsoever.

"Her Dad told me…" She said as she sighed. "He told me that the tumor is around a memory storage area. He told me to be ready for everything. But it's hard. It's really, really hard!" She exclaimed in deep sorrow.

"It's hard for us too Mrs. Friesen." Ethan said, addressing Aurora's mother formally. "But we have to be strong for her. Otherwise, we'll just be making it harder for her."

"You're right."

It was hard to believe how her memories were just wiped away. She wanted to live the remaining few weeks for her life with her friends and family making memories that would accompany her into the afterlife, and the left; into their lives.

But those precious memories, regardless of how small they were, they were still disappearing. Is that what a cycle of a Monarch Butterfly means? When you die, there's nothing but sorrow left? It was something she didn't want to think about she painted the half Monarch onto her canvas as a memorial for the day she forgot everything.

[December 2nd, 2020]

"No! Just no, Aurora!" Her mother said sternly.

"But, mom! I don't care if my foot is sprained! Lucy is my friend! And I ought to be with her in the hardest of times…" Aurora explained herself thoroughly.

"Even Lucy won't accept you there. You go to the memorial gathering every year. It won't hurt no one if you miss this one." Her mother held her point strongly as she dusted the old books her father had piled on his study table. "And your dad won't ever clean his workspace!"

Her father was an author to many literature books taught in schools and colleges; hence, his workplace was always untidy.

"Mom! Please!"

The puppy eyes stood out while dusting. So, her mother grabbed her phone and called Lucy's mother putting the phone on speaker.

"Hi Stephanie, how do you do?" She asked politely.

"Hi Gloria! It's been so long." Lucy's mother exclaimed in joy. "Are you guys coming to the memorial gathering? I will be pleased."

"Of course! How can we not, when Mr. Stephan was such a kind soul?"

"Right! Thank you so much! Also, don't forget to leave Aurora at house. Her ankle is sprained still. Even if she insists, leave her home!"

Her mother looked at her with her eyebrows raised, as she scoffed. Aurora sulked and left the vicinity that surrounded her mother's anger. She went back to her room to write her condolences down into a letter.

If she can't go, her letter can! She wrote a little bit a few times but ended up scratching all of it. Apparently, she couldn't inherit her father's writing talent. Well, it was a skill to begin with but she lacked it.

Nonetheless, she needed something! Some words. She googled memorial gathering letters for reference as her father once told her that references would make things easier.

"In the loving memory of Uncle Stephan, I would like to offer my deepest condolences." She wrote a line, which she was satisfied with. "I still remember the last time Uncle Stephan offered to take all of us to an amusement park. It was such a memorable experience for everyone. We took every ride and ate all the snacks the vendors sold.

He was really sick at that time, yet he took us all youngsters and ran around with us. He was someone we could share all our problems too. There were no worries of age-gap. When it rained that day, at night, we all stood under a shade in front of a little store. It was a small place so the ones standing in front were still getting wet.

Uncle pushed all of us to the back and stood in front while his back covered us from the rain. He had fever that day. And I still can't forget how nice and kind he was. He was our umbrella, our shade. The next morning, a doctor had to visit him and I felt so bad about it because he was put on bed rest. But he assured all of us that he'd be back on feet in two days.

Exactly 2 days later, he was off bed rest. He never gave us a chance to worry about him. He was a true angel. Lastly, I would like to apologize for not being able to visit the gathering." She finished writing, putting it in a pastel blue envelope and gave it to her mother so she could give to Lucy. It wasn't enough, in her opinion, but she was proud she at least did something.

"I will be able to sleep well today!" She exclaimed to herself, reminiscing about all the scenarios that had happened so far.

Before going to bed that night, she texted a small apology to Lucy as well, followed by Lucy's whines.

"SHUT UP AND SLEEP AND REST!! YOU BETTER NOT WAKE UP UNTIL I SAY SO!" Considering she wrote in all caps, she was serious.

Terrified, Aurora went straight to bed.