Him

Firdaus POV:

Tears formed in my eyes, threatening to fall from them, as they gathered at the brim of my eyes. I knew he hated me for all. I also knew that he wouldn't want to talk to me or want to start a communication with me. But seeing it all in reality hurted me more than i ever thought. His eyes were cold as he left me and chased towards his room. It was all my fault...it was to happen.

I rushed in to my room closing the door in second. I couldn't control it anymore. Normally problems do come in every person's life. It strengthens a person as it gets over. But my problem was persistent enough. It was like as it would never leave me till i die. The thought of telling him and my family about it has crossed my mind a lot of times. Like every second but i can never do it.

When i first saw him i was Shocked. For a second i thought i was hallucinating. I was so happy to see him after so many years that those emotions were very hard to be confined in words. He had grown in to fine man. But with time he had changed. The boy who long back was my friend, who would do anything just to make me smile, whose eyes shone when he saw me was gone. It was replaced with coldness. he saw me as if he didn't know me. As if i was a stranger. His eyes no longer shined with that warmth. But it wasn't his fault. It wasn't.

I was a fool if i had hoped that after so many years of staying away, ignoring his calls and messages wouldn't change him. But somewhere i had ignited that stupid hope in me that he would care. But he can't be blamed for that.

Just thinking about that coldness made my whole heart clench with pain and my mind went whole blank. I was standing with my back to the door. My legs giving up as i slide through the door. As few sobs escaped from my lips.

Even if i go and tell him about it will he trust me? i think he won't. He has grown in to a stern man. And can i afford to put others life at risk for me? It won't be worth. It won't. I better keep it the way it is. Let things happen as they are going. If anything happens to anyone then i won't be able to forgive myself. Never. I can't let my emotions control me just like Rafa bhai says. It never turns out right. I should eventually get rid of it rather than letting affect it myself.

Resting my forehead on my knees i cried. Freeing my emotions out of me. Letting it out as i sobbed. With time i have taught myself that crying out can make our heart feel light. It is one of the many ways of letting our emotions go.

After crying, which i felt i had been doing for a while i got up from there and switched to bed. As i lay down i thought about our friendship, how it was...How we were. We use to fight a lot, talk a lot, shared everything. But everything changed after i returned from India. Everything in a splash of time turned upside down as i was back to California. No one knows about it because i never let anyone know. I never disclosed it.

Flashback...

26/May/2013:

I was back from India. I was kind of low because i enjoyed back there. Every time leaving Elnaz, Uncle, Aunt and my best friend Asad was difficult. It was a lot of emotions i felt. I can still see the sadness in his eyes as well not forgetting the hope to see me again was always present in them. I was sixteen by that time and he was 21 but our age never seems to affect our relationship. It stayed as it was from the time, we were children.

After a warm bathing, i was there standing in the balcony. Remembering our times. The cool breeze blew as my wet hairs flew with it. It was oddly calming. I thought about calling Asad as we were not able to talk during my travel. Dialing his number i put it near my ears as i watched the busy crowd in the city passing by. Then something caught my eyes. Someone. A boy staring at me. He was 3 to 4 years older to me. My gut feeling was screaming to ignore that person with that i turned around and went into my room.

After two three rings the call went off. Frustratingly i looked at the screen of my phone which was pitch black. pressing the unlock button few times i understood that the charging of the battery is probably over. Wow Firdaus! what type of stupid are you? After such a long journey obviously, the battery was to be drained off. I should have plugged in the charger when i went to take bath. Mumbling profanities i connected my iPhone to the charger.

I seriously have to divert my mind so i prayed my salah. Read some verses of Quran after which I was feeling okay. Arranging my clothes in my wardrobe i got my album in which me, Elnaz, Zayn and Rafa bhai's photos were there. Going through it i smiled when i saw one of the pics of Elnaz when she had lost one her teeth and Rafa bhai and Asad was teasing her while i try to calm down her anger.

The next pic was where I was sneaking to steal the Nutella jar and Rafa bhai clicked the photo. It was one of the embarrassing pic's but i never bothered to threw it away as it was part of our childhood.

*****