Confessions

We left after an hour, giving my team plenty of time to disappear before we made our way back to the village. Something between us had changed dramatically over the last few days. His anger finally explained. But I had my reserved doubts about his feelings. Sure to feel appreciated for once was nice, but would it last? The stress of war would test us, make us question each other and push us. Was he really willing to go through all of that for some woman he barely knows? As for me, I barely knew him as well. I didn't know anything about him other than I know we both wanted Drakos dead. I knew nothing of his past and something told me he wouldn't tell me even if I asked. After all when they recruited us, they asked us not to. So how was I suppose to care for a man who I was suppose to know nothing about?

Of course we had said nothing to each other, our only focus was exiting the village undetected. When we finally escaped on the backs of our horses, we finally made our way back home. But with the added trip and the small reunion, it made getting home difficult. There was no way that we would make it before sunset, which meant that we would have to sleep out side for the night. The thought was not appealing, but it was what we would have to do. And as usual, the ride was silent. I wasn't sure why he was acting guarded now. His wall was built up so tight that I couldn't even get him to make communitive grunts. Just endless silence. I couldn't help but feel lonely. What was the point of kissing me if you where just going to ignore me after. Do you finally realize your mistake and wish you could take it back?

I suppose it was what I deserved. Like I said, if I had mentioned these things sooner as opposed to later, then we wouldn't be so pressed for time. It was the best time to think of what I was going to say to Sebastion. How was I going to explain these things to him? Could I really look him in the face and tell him that they where going to use him against me? With Drakos stomping on the General like he was, I have no doubts that he would kill Sebastion if it meant that I would comply. How did this all get so complicated so quickly? What exactly had my life come too? I stared up at the fading sun, wishing that I could just go back to being little. When things where more simple and innocent. There where no bad men, there wasn't confusing feelings, just my love for my family and my will to live.

We reached our last rest stop on our journey. The sun had finally set behind the mountains. The only thing that lit up the night, was the full moon, It's beams of light sank through canopy of the trees, making the area eerie. It was a small clearing with enough space for two horses and a fire pit. A small creek flew freely to the right of us. It gurgled quietly in the, providing a calming effect. A dead tree that had fallen over provided the perfect seating in our designated area. I slid off my saddle and on to the dense foliaged floor. Dead leaves from the previous fall crunched under my feet. I stretched out my legs and back, feeling the ache from the long journey we had taken in just a day. After I completed my stretch I guided the horse over to the creek where it lapped thirstily.

Drake was grabbing and organizing his saddle bags, his body language giving off that he was not in the mood to talk. So I decided to avoid him, quietly setting off into the woods, looking for good dry wood to start a fire. Hopefully we could start one before the night breeze came in. Sure it was warm through out the day, but at night it was always freezing, thanks to the autumn season that threatened to take over the summer. We didn't prepare for the possibility of staying out at night either. Or at least Drake didn't.

Luckily for me I always kept my blanket on me for when Sebastion and I went hunting. If Drake didn't have one, we would share. Regardless of how tense things where between us at this moment, I wasn't going to be a monster and leave him out in the cold. I gathered twigs and large branches, making sure they where dry and dead for the fire. When I grabbed a huge arm full, I walked back, occasionally tripping on uprooted roots. When I returned back to Camp, Drake already had a small fire going. It was a small flame as it licked up the twigs he provided.

"That is an unnecessary amount of wood." Despite his dead tone, I could see the amusement that lit his eyes. I just shrugged and dumped them at his side. Not really in the mood to deal with his mood swings.

"It's a bad habit I picked up from Sebastion. We normally stay out longer than one night and it's such a nuisance to run back and forth in the middle of the night to try and keep a fire going." I said blandly as I stepped around him and the fire. I just wanted to find my blanket at this point, the air was already starting to slowly chill, and freezing was the last thing that was on my mind. So I shoved my hand into the saddle and dug around for my blanket. Flint, dried jerky, an extra blade, ah there it was. My thick fleece blanket. It was black in color and soft to the touch. Like a freshly shaved sheep. With a flick of my wrists I unrolled it before draping it around my shoulders.

The weight was comfortable as well, heavy but comfortable. It always acted like a security blanket, like it could thwart of the evils of the world and keep me safe, even from my own self. I sat down quietly next to Drake and watched as he fed the flames small twigs. The heat set my bare skin on fire. I hummed happily as I unwrapped my bandages an held my hands out to the fire, trying to keep them warm The bandages, even though they where not tight, still kept the blood from flowing properly through my hands. Besides they cuts not deep gashes. They weren't really necessary anymore. Drake glanced at my hands and grimaced.

"Do they still hurt?" Not looking at me as he asked. I pulled my hands into my lap and studied them. They didn't hurt so much my more. The dig marks in my palms had scabbed over and where healing nicely. I don't even think they would leave scars. A reminder that I was healing and getting better.

"No. The bandages where mostly to keep them from getting infected. I don't really need them anymore." I rolled them up neatly, placing them in front of me. Drake nodded quietly, poking the fire with a stick. Eventually when he was happy with it, he sat down next to me, our legs touching. Why the sudden change? Maybe he was just using me to keep warm. So I offered a corner of my blanket to him, but he didn't say anything, just stared into the fire. Feeling defeated, I wrapped the blanket tightly around me, not wanting to further sour his mood. But I couldn't help the continuous question that kept popping into my head. Did he really like me? What did that kiss mean earlier? I was so confused by him, it was starting to make me weary. What was the worse he could say? No? If that was the case I would move on and stop reading into these things.

"Drake?" My voice cracked nervous. He pulled his eyes way from the fire to watch me. I fiddled nervously with the blanket, trying to find my voice. "You know how you keep teasing me about liking you?" I asked, my voice quiet and soft. His eyebrow raised and nodded. Apprehension emerging from the depths of his emotions. I immediately regretted asking, but I couldn't stop now, already feeling the rejection I was about to receive. It was for the best after all.

"Well...what....what If I liked you?" I asked staring at him through my lashes. He was quietly studying me, his eyes hardening. I knew it, why did I have to listen to my stupid heart. I dragged my eyes away from his and stared into the fire. So what did he mean by the kiss again. People didn't kiss each other because they felt scared for them. There was usually a meaning behind them wasn't there? But those other men that hurt me, those meant nothing. I guess I was just a bit hopeful that someone other than Sebastion could care for me. Once again I was let down.

"Are you one hundred percent sure about that?" I lifted my head surprised by his response. What could he mean by that? How do I not know my feelings?

"What kind of question is that? No, don't answer that. I don't care any more. This was a mistake." I grumbled as I laid down against the ground. The smell of dirt and dried leaves filled my nose. How could I not be sure of my feelings? They where mine. I heard him sigh from my side. Good, feel just as frustrated as I did. If he didn't want to answer that was fine. I would take the rejection like a pro and save his breath. But to my surprise, I felt a gently hand on my side as I felt myself roll over, facing him as he towered over me. The hardened look gone from his face. It was replaced with an emotion I had never seen before. A soft and gentle void that beckoned me to him.

"I didn't mean to upset you Aria. It's like this. I am different then most men you have met in your life. I don't hurt you the way they did. I don't lay my hands upon you with ill intentions and force you to submit to me. I give you choices even though it does anger me. I don't force you to lay with me, and I wish anything ill to happen to you. I know that my actions speak against how I feel, but that's only because I don't like it when you hide things. Especially things that make you hurt more than you should." He grimaced down at me. It made me feel guilty, knowing that in some ways I had caused his pain and anger, only because he didn't know how else to help me.

"So I ask if your feelings are true, because deep down you like being treated differently then your past. I don't want you to act upon something that you may of may not actually feel because of the difference from your past." Of course I knew I had actual feelings for him. Because if he went by that logic, then why didn't I feel the same way for Aspin and Merrick? Of even Master for that matter? He was different, he wasn't like them.

"I know for a fact that my feelings are genuine. I don't feel giddy around any other man ever. I don't get all warm in fuzzy inside, or feel safe with anyone else but you. The way you hold me, the things you do to me, it's all different. They are new things I am experiencing and I know it's because I am falling for you, just as you keep teasing me." The wind had picked up now, whistling gently through the trees and the leaves chattered. With a sigh a small smile appeared on his lips. Was he acting out this whole time because he wasn't sure how I felt? Oof, why was he the most difficult person I had to deal with?

"I for one..." He trailed off as he scooped me into his lap and wrapping the blanket around us. "Know that I have always had a deep regard for you since the day we met in the alley. So if you truly feel that you have any kind of feelings for me, I'll happily court you. I just wanted to make sure you where comfortable around me before I asked. You made it increasingly hard to wait though." He growled playfully. I couldn't help the giggle that came sprouting from my mouth, knowing he meant last night when I teased him.

"Why me? I have been such a wreck." I had night terrors, I lost confidence in myself, and I was always blood hungry. It made living very difficult. Could he handle that? Living with a murderer?

"I do see a broken woman, but I also see that she is continuously trying her best to pick the pieces up as well. The pieces don't stay as well as they use to, but you still try nonetheless. It's your strong will and determination that I find quite attractive. Your looks are just a bonus." So I had attractive qualities, ones I couldn't see in myself. But I was still a blood thirsty monster. That was something I hated about even myself. I stared quietly into the fire, dread creeping through my body like a cat stalking it's pray.

"Can you really live with someone who needs to kill. Needs to feel the blade through the enemy?" I asked quietly. The fire was starting to hurt my eyes now, making them sting from the heat. But I couldn't look away, mesmerized. He gently squeezed me.

"Do you really think you are the only one that has urges? That bastard last night that touched you, took me everything not to want to rip him to shreds. You handled that a lot better than I was going to. And that's because one, I do in fact like you, a lot. Two, it's been awhile since I could get my hands on some enemies myself. The cravings will never go away, so I am happy you found and alternative to help ease it." Well to a certain extent anyway. He rubbed my arms lightly with his finger tips, causing me to shiver pleasurably.

"I suppose we better sleep now." He whispered into my ear. I nodded slowly. He laid on the ground, pulling me down to lay beside him. The warmth from his body making me tired. I nestled against him, feeling the safe feeling coming back to me, just like it did last night. I was glad I asked after all. Maybe this would make things easier between us now that things where out in the open.

"Drake, I really like you." I murmured as my eyes drifted shut. His arms tightened around me, pressing me to him firmly.

"I really like you too Aria. Now get some sleep." I was glad we had that chat. For the longest time I didn't think that I could have a chance of a normal life. It may not be completely normal, but love still tried. He may not be an assassin like me, but he still had an inkling of an understand what I went through. He even was willing to battle my own resolve to try and help me become better. So I would stop fighting him. I would do better by him and be open and honest from now on, no matter how difficult it was.