Chapter 20

I never realized that being happy would make me so emotional. Maybe it was because I never experienced friendship, laughter, or happiness. But Lena and Maddie showed me kindness that I never thought existed.

And I would forever be grateful for that.

Leaning forward, I touched her hand. "Thank you," I whispered, my voice a little hoarse.

She tilted her face to the side in confusion and then asked, "What for?"

"Just…thank you for being my friend," I said, not wanting to elaborate. I realized I had just made my first friend at the age of twenty-three.

How pathetic was my life?

Looking down, I tried to hide my tears. But when Maddie squeezed my hand, I looked up again. She smiled. "You don't have to thank me for that, Akina."

I gave her hand a squeeze and then leaned back. That was how we spent the next few hours. We talked, laughed, and joked. When the house started to quiet down and all activities ceased, we realized it was close to sunset.

"Oh my God," Maddie gasped. "I'm so sorry, Alina. You were supposed to rest and I lost track of time." She stood and wiped the counter clean.

"Hey, it's okay. I had fun. I enjoy talking to you."

"Still. You should go rest now or I'll never hear the end of it from Mom," she said, rolling her eyes in exaggeration.

"Well, you are right about that." Laughingly, I gave her a quick hug and she pushed me toward the door.

"Go. Go. Go."

When I got to my bedroom, I closed the door softly behind me. Without even removing my dress, I jumped in bed and cuddled under the warm, soft comforter.

Even though I had fun with Maddie, I was very tired. Now that I was in bed, my body felt heavy and languid. Sighing happily, I turned toward my window. The curtains were open and I had the perfect view of the sunset.I watched the sun go down behind the back garden. I watched as the sky changed colors from red to orange and then with a mixture of light purple. The magnificent beauty took my breath away.

This could make such a beautiful painting. I could already imagine the large canvas smeared with alluring colors, creating a soft and peaceful landscape.

As the sky turned dark, my eyes started to get heavy. I yawned and blinked drowsily. Darkness surrounded me as I succumbed to my fatigue.

"Shhhh. Don't make any noise," he said harshly, clasping his hand over my mouth as I struggled against him. "Don't move. It'll be over quick. You won't even feel anything."

I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I fought against him but it was no use. He was unmovable.

No. No. Please no.He brought his hand down my bare legs and slowly hitched my nightshirt up. He spread my legs open with his knees and settled between my thighs.

Sobbing, I continued to struggle but it had no effect on him. When he reached my underwear, he ripped it open without a second thought, baring me to him.

"You are mine! Mine! It's about time I take you," he hissed angrily. I heard his zipper open and I tried to move my legs together, but his knees stopped me.

His hand stayed on my mouth, stopping any sound from escaping. He moved over me and then I felt him near my entrance. I wanted to scream.

"It'll be over soon, love," he said into my neck, placing wet kisses along the length, biting hard and torturing the skin with his teeth.

I went numb and stopped struggling. When he noticed me going limp, he laughed in my ears. The fear that I felt was indescribable. I didn't just feel it. I could smell it. It was all around me. My heart beat hard against my chest. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks.

When I felt him push inside of me, my heart cracked into a million pieces. Pain. So much pain. I was blinded by pain. It felt like I was bleeding from the inside. My skin burned and my whole body spasmed violently. All I felt was deep agony. I cried out against his palm and to my horror I found myself paralyzed and unable to move.

Pushing deeper inside of me, he growled.

"Fuck. You are so tight. Made for me. I own you."His loud pants filled my ears and that was all I could hear. It hurt so bad. Everything hurt. My body. My head. My heart. My soul.When he stopped moving, I didn't feel anything. My body felt numb. Crippled with pain and fear. Pulling out of me, he removed his hand and placed his palms on the mattress on either side of my face. He leaned over me and smiled.

"Happy sweet sixteen, love."

I would never forget that smile. It was forever etched in my memory.

I woke up trying to scream and shot up straight in bed, covered in sweat. I breathed heavily, my heart pounding hard against my ribcage. The veins in my neck throbbed and my head ached.

I felt hot. Too hot. I was burning and my body shook violently with silent tremors. I could barely breathe. Quickly scrambling off the bed, I stood and paced the room.

Unsteady with dizziness, everything around me blurred. My ears were making a strange stinging noise and then everything was muted.

"A nightmare. It was just a nightmare, Alina. Just a nightmare," I told myself.

But it wasn't just a nightmare.It was my reality. My truth. Images flashed through my head all at once and I fell to my knees. It was too much. I closed my eyes against the blast of agony that went through my body.Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed. The pressure built in my chest and my stomach heaved. I felt empty inside.My tears were never-ending and I began to gag. My whole body shook as I bent forward and dry-heaved. I laid down on the floor, curling into myself as I continued to weep.

I thought I ran away from my past, but it followed me. Even though I was no longer in Alberto's trap, he still held the strings.I just wished for once that I could live without fear. Just once, I wanted to be absolutely free.I wanted to scream. Rage at the unfairness bestowed upon me. But I couldn't.I wanted to forget, but I was stupid to believe that I could be happy. My reality would always follow in the end.

My weeping turned to jerky breaths as exhaustion overcame me. Opening my burning eyes, the first thing that I saw was Alex's suit jacket on my sofa chair.

Without thinking, I crawled toward the sofa and grabbed the jacket. I buried my face in the fabric and cried silently.When my tears and hiccups finally died down, I slumped against the sofa and took a deep breath, and once again I could smell Alex's cologne. I began to relax.I didn't know why or how, but his smell calmed me. I breathed into Alex's jacket. Other than his cologne, I could smell him. And that was enough to make me feel safe again.

All I wanted was peace and even if it was for a little while, I had found it. I didn't question it. I didn't want to. I just accepted it.Lying down on the floor beside the sofa, I curled into a ball and pulled Alex's jacket close to my chest and buried my face in it.

That was how I felt asleep again.This time my sleep was free from nightmares and Alberto's evil grin.All I felt was peace.

The sunlight shone on my face and I squeezed my eyes tightly against the glare. Turning around, I winced at the soreness in my back and felt my forehead crease in confusion. Why did my soft, cuddly bed feel so hard?Groggily, I blinked my eyes open and came face to face with the bottom of the couch in my bedroom.

I rubbed my eyes in an effort to get rid of the sleepiness. A lazy yawn escaped from my mouth and I groaned, falling back on the floor again as I crossed my arms over my chest.

Turning my head to the side, I saw Alex's jacket lying next to my face. I frowned in confusion and slowly brought my hand to the jacket, running my fingers softly over the fabric.

"Hmm," I hummed as I tried to think back to last night, feeling strangely disoriented.

Why am I holding his suit jacket?

As soon as the thought ran through my mind, I quickly sat up, dizziness rushing through me. My harsh breathing filled the room and last night flashed before my eyes.I was worn out, tired of constantly thinking about the past. Tired of fighting my demons.Feeling numb, I brought his jacket to my chest, holding it there as I closed my eyes. I hated my nightmares. When I escaped, the first few nights were horrible. I could barely get any sleep. But then for two nights, I didn't have any nightmares.

I felt hopeful.

Last night, all that hope came crashing down around me. I was so naïve to think that I could escape such a horrendous reality. Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I stood up and stumbled toward my bathroom.

I didn't even look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I walked straight to the shower and let the warm water cascade over me.