Chapter 5

He remembered everything, including the wide-open balcony door and the chill of the night air brushing against his face that night when Winter committed suicide. 

He kept having nightmares after Winter's death, each one a cruel reminder that he had lost something truly precious. 

It would be a lie if he said he had no feelings for her two years after marriage. 

He truly developed love and affection for his wife but kept suppressing it, believing in his mother's words that Winter didn't deserve him.

Because she was ignorant and frail, and having a child with her would only ruin his genes. 

"So fucking ridiculous. Why did I believe my mother's stupid reason to hate on my own wife?" 

Sebastian mocked himself for ever believing in that bullshit. The moment he realized that Winter was pregnant, the affection in his heart burst out like a thousand fireworks, only for it to become his biggest nightmare when he discovered his wife had committed suicide while carrying their son. 

A year after his never-ending nightmares of Winter leaving him forever, Sebastian became less and less efficient at work.

He made many mistakes, and the company he had stolen from Winter suffered continuous losses.

And what happened to him in the end?

His mother kicked him out of the company and replaced him with her new boyfriend. In the end, Camilla was the only one who emerged victorious in this cruel game. 

"My sweet wife…" Sebastian murmured sadly. "But I'm glad that you're here with me. Because now you can hurt me all you want if that will make us even."

He slowly reached to his chest, where his heart was still beating. 

He didn't know if this was just a dream, but in that moment, the desperation, depression, and regret felt achingly real, and it stockpiled in his heart until he couldn't bear it any longer.

So, two years after he lost his wife, Sebastian shot himself in the chest, hoping that his horrible end would somehow atone for his sins against Winter.

He thought he'd go straight to hell after how much he hurt Winter, only to find himself thrust back two years when he had just finished the wedding reception and was about to walk into the bridal room.

Sebastian was unsure at first since it wasn't the hellfire he expected.

But the first thing on his mind was to see Winter again, if only for a moment. He wanted to see her alive and well.

So he opened the door and met with Winter, who shot him such a hateful gaze. Thus, he quickly recognized her as the same Winter who had died with their baby because he betrayed her completely. 

'I want to embrace you tightly, Winter. I want to beg for your forgiveness. I want to kiss your feet if that will make you happy…' Sebastian smiled bitterly. 'But I know it's impossible to forgive me since I'm the monster who ruined your life. Well, I deserve your hatred, I know.'

'Just like what I told you before. I don't mind being ruined. I don't mind if you end up scheming against me and hurting me horribly. But I have one wish…' 

Sebastian clenched his chest as he felt his heart burning from the inside at the thought of Winter in another man's arms. 

"Please don't divorce me. Don't leave me, Winter," Sebastian said as he humbled himself. "You're the only one I have in this god-forsaken world."

Sebastian sat on the marital bed, the very same one they had used to consummate their marriage in their previous life.

He gently patted the spot next to him on the bed, recalling all the sweet moans that Winter made as they spent the night having wild sex. 

Sebastian snorted as he found it funny that Winter was very traditional. 

She refused to have sex with him before they got married, so when they did it for the first time, Sebastian found the experience to be novel and fantastic, even though neither of them were virgins.

"I want to do that again, Winter. I want to feel your smooth skin, your warmth, your everything…" Sebastian confessed his desire. "Why did I refuse to have sex with you more often after our first night? We're obviously perfect for each other…"

Sebastian sighed. He lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling while gently caressing the empty pillow next to him, "What went wrong with us? Why did I come to hate you?"

The nagging question lingered, and Sebastian couldn't find a clear answer.

'Was I really that dumb to believe and blindly follow everything my mother said and told me to do?' Sebastian wondered. 'So in the end, I am nothing more than a pawn in her game…'

As Sebastian was lost in self-blame and pity, his phone suddenly rang. 

Sebastian jolted and quickly took out the phone from his pocket, hoping it would be Winter who wanted to talk with him.

But that hope was crushed when he saw the Caller's ID.

Mom.

Sebastian's gaze turned icy in a split second. He wanted to reject it—no, block it and sever ties immediately with his mother since he knew from his previous life that he was nothing but a tool for her to be mega-rich. 

But in the end, he still accepted the call because if he cut contact immediately with her, she would probably do something with her never-ending connection to mess with him and Winter. 

"Yes, Mom?" Sebastian's tone was measured, barely hiding the coldness in his voice.

"It took you more than ten seconds to accept my call. Is there something more important than your mother's call? What if I'm in an accident? Are you cruel enough to let your mother die just because you're late to pick up my call?" Camilla started rambling, and Sebastian was silenced instantly, which was the right response because he didn't want to prolong his mother's unnecessary ranting.

"Anyway, where are you right now? Are you in the bridal room with that woman?" Camilla asked.

Sebastian glanced at the empty spot next to him, and he replied, "She's in the bathroom right now."

"Then, she's probably taking off all her makeup. So you have to prepare yourself not to get too shocked by her ugliness, alright?" Camilla warned.