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Lost in our Youth

Without any resolve or motivation to move further with his life, Alastair Duncan, a failed author, is coerced by his imaginary delusions to recount the events of his previous book. The further he dives into his memories, however, the further down his life spirals into an abyss of self-hatred and confrontation with the man he once was.

Rudolph_Kirkland · Kỳ huyễn
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19 Chs

An Ocean of Dreams

There were no words present within the air between the two and the only things that filled it were thoughts of regret, anger, sadness, and guilt. None of the other passengers and crewmates aboard cared to even notice the two grieving ones and continued whatever activities they had on board. The starry night had finally come, whispering to Sylvia and Mary to tell them to sleep. Into the various rooms of the wooden ship, the two retired themselves into one small room that they shared. There was no bed and only a small, square window was present opposite of the door. Though the room would have qualified to be a closet, Sylvia and Mary sat down opposite each other and laid their heads upon the hard, wooden wall to sleep.

As the ship's crew went on with their duties, a strange yet majestic glow captivated the ones on deck. As the people walked over to the edge of the ship to investigate, the glowing waters emitted a golden-like light almost as if treasure was lying in wait beneath the abysmal sea. One person extended his hand out to reach towards that enticing light but was pulled back by his crewmates. The water bubbled and out from its domain came what seem to be a "creature" with no definitive shape. In captivation and fear, the people stood motionless at the sight of the divine creature and became victims to its all-consuming light.

In the new morning, people who had come out from their rooms and onto the deck screamed loudly despite knowing that it would be useless. Those same screams woke up Sylvia and Mary causing them to rush towards the deck to know what was going on.

The people who stayed awake during the night still stood lifelessly but there was something about their appearances that sent shivers into the witnesses' bones. Each and every one of them had their facial features missing, that being, their eyes, ears, noses, and even mouths were seemingly "erased". Upon the floor, there laid all of the missing facial organs from the afflicted people yet another disturbing detail of this situation was that there were no signs of incision or medical operation whatsoever that led these people to this form. Clearly, this must have been the work of a sinister spirit.

From the top of the mast, there came down the creature that cursed these poor people. Though it had descended gracefully, it still had no shape whatsoever that could define it properly. It was but an orb of light, swallowed by the cold waters of the sea, yet it held a power that could tempt others to draw closer to its light. The people that Sylvia and Mary were surrounded by walked towards the orb of watery light as if they had been placed in a trance that only the two girls were immune to. Soon after, the faceless people joined the crowd and walked towards the light. The orb then showered the people with its power and all so suddenly, everyone had come together as one.

From the base of the creature's new form, four pairs of human legs were laid bare and supported the creature's balance. To the upper half, a ring of torsos of both male and female were exposed and became the center of balance. Upon the neck, there laid a multitude of arms that branched out from the back of the grouped torsos and all carried one singular object, the head. For the head of the creature, it appeared to the girls as if it was the pinnacle of beauty, being that, it had combined the structure of the people's heads together to form an appearance so divine that Sylvia almost fell upon her knees to pay her respects to it.

"I have finally found you" The creature spoke in the voices of all the people it had consumed at the same time. Its towering stature and monstrous form left the girls in silence.

Minutes of quietness had passed and finally, someone had taken themselves to action. Sylvia quickly grabbed Mary's hand and dashed towards the interior of the ship once again to escape the creature.

Inside the ship, besides the quarters they were given, the rest of the hall laid numerous amounts of barrels filled with dead fish, chests filled to the brim with luxurious jewels, bags of food hanging from the ceiling, and a small armory filled with only one saber and two flintlocks with ammunition kept in a small barrel beside it. Sylvia hid behind a large chest that was close to the small armory while Mary hid inside a barrel of dead fishes. Within that silent and pungent storage area, the two girls who hid out of their fear could not even think properly about their next move.

"Where have the two of you gone? Were you not the ones who have called me?" The creature remained stationary above them yet its echoing voice could still be heard by the girls.

"Was it not the two of you who shed those sorrowful tears into my sea? If so, then please show yourselves, for I have come to grant you salvation." The creature's voice suddenly came from within the storage area. It had miraculously placed its head upon the barrels of food to converse with the two.

The two remained silent still, but the patience of the creature was almost everlasting that it still continued to call them out. Frighteningly, the creature's arms that supported its head came down as well from the ceiling to navigate the head in its search. The main body was still left motionless on the deck but with only a few pairs of arms, the head sprinted with such speed upon the floors as if it was a spider.

Mary could feel its quick steps and could even hear its presence draw closer to her. Her body shook with fear so much so that it had caused the barrel to fall and let Mary out of it unwillingly. With her body exposed and her legs too stiff in fear to move, Mary could only shed tears as the fast-approaching spider came towards her.

To her surprise, the thing did not even latch onto her body but rather, it extended one of its arms to carefully wipe away her tears with its index finger. The creature smiled at Mary as if it was a mother tending to her broken-hearted children and caused her worries and fears to subside slightly.

"What are you? Why do you comfort me?" Mary asked with her curiosity leaking out of her eyes and the creature leaned in closer to answer her question.

"I used to be an angel that dwelt within the courts of The First One." It answered in a seemingly more majestic voice and tone, "Now, I live here within the vast sea to hear the cries and prayers of those who hated the way they are." The way it spoke made it seem a bit more "human".

"Used to?" Though Mary found comfort within its presence, she still must question its origins, "How is it that an angel such as yourself be exiled from your home?" She asked.

"It was but a time many centuries ago." The angel began to explain wholeheartedly, "I had protested against The Father for one small detail within his teachings. It was a law wherein angels were not allowed to alter the physique of a human if it was prayed for. I hated the idea to let the people suffer without being given the chance to change their appearance for how can beauty be achieved if all people remained ugly? I flew down from Heaven to grant one person a chance to change themselves so that I may have that rule repealed. The person I granted this gift to was a woman who sat at the edge of a cliff, overlooking the horizon to watch the sun dive into the sea. Her tears were overflowing to the point where she let them fall off of the edge and unto the water. I came to her and she told of me about her dead husband and how much she hated herself for being unable to prevent his death for he had succumbed to an illness. She wished to be with her husband once more and to become an even better version of herself, in doing so, I answered her prayer myself. I laid my hand upon her head and let miracles flow into her body. From what used to be one singular soul and body, there were now two merged together as one. Upon her left breast, there laid her husband's head springing out like a flower waiting to bloom. Out of her forearms, there came her husband's forearms and hands as well. Their bodies continued to amalgamate and adapt to each other and presented themselves unto me as a spectacle to behold. It was as if I had rewritten the meaning of the marital bond. However, the couple could not share the same happiness I held for thought they were to be together, they were both screaming in pain and tearing off the skin from their body. The First One intervened and set them both apart leaving only the widow by herself. It scared me for a moment knowing that I had made a terrible mistake but I also knew that there was progress with my little experiment and all that I needed to do was to plead my case before His throne so that He may understand my intentions. However, just as I had arrived at the gates of Heaven, I had been denied entry and when I tried to open the gates myself, my wings were taken away from me and so was my body, leaving only the essence of light which was my existence. I no longer had a home nor a glorified body that belonged to me but the only thing that I found as I fell from Heaven was but the cold and dark waters of the sea." The fallen angel finished its lengthy explanation and spoke truthfully on accounts.

Mary, who was astounded by such a story, placed her hand upon its head and rubbed it to comfort the fallen angel's woes. Though she was disgusted by its actions, she could not help but feel the obligation to understand its true intentions. As for Sylvia who eavesdropped upon their conversation, she surveyed the area around her first to see any item that could be used as a weapon. To her surprise, she had spotted a saber and two flintlocks that were just a few steps away.

"I take it that you have continued your practices in changing the human body during your time here in the sea?" Mary tried to make a friendly conversation with the demon whilst Sylvia carefully walked towards the saber.

"Of course, I have become more confident within my abilities that I have come all the way here to answer your prayers and your friend's as well." The demon jumped off of the ground and latched unto the ceiling, "Please, come upstairs and I can show you miracles that could save your life." The angel invited Mary and though she had accepted easily, Sylvia emerged from hiding and pierced the demon's head with a swift thrust of the saber.

"Sylvia!" Mary was shocked and furious at her own friend's actions, "What have you done?" The demon was unharmed even though the weapon was still lodged inside of its skull yet Mary expressed her concern.

"Saving our skin is what I'm doing, quickly, we must find a way off." Sylvia grabbed Mary's hand again but this time, her grip slipped and Mary remained where she stood.

Their friendship was tested and it already seemed that it was on the verge of breaking. Sylvia could not continue on without Mary but Mary was adamant in witnessing the demon's miracles happen to her. Though she had already heard of the demon's story, Mary did not show any sign of fear or worry in becoming just like the widow but rather, her own grief has drowned out her fears.

The demon pulled the sword out of its head easily and extended one of its hands towards Mary in a calm demeanor as if it forgave Sylvia's transgressions. With her eyes widened at the sight of the angel, Mary held the demon's hand and was taken upwards to the deck where the rest of the demon's body was present. Sylvia, limited by her human capabilities, ran as fast as she could to the deck of the ship using the door and carried the weapons with her.

The feelings of fear and anxiety soon consumed Sylvia this time for she could not easily go against the wishes of her own friend. As the head of the demon reunited itself with its body, the arms were now free from holding the head and collectively, extended towards Mary from the gaps in between the torsos as if they were calling her to answer them. With slow and careful steps, Mary walked closer to the demon and allowed it to hold her body as if she was examined like an animal.

"I understand, I will bring him back to you." The demon spoke and once more it radiated a great blinding light that forced Sylvia to close her eyes shut.

For only a few moments the light enveloped the ship and once the light faded away, Sylvia was able to open her eyes and witness another incarnation of horror presented unto her. In Mary's new form, She appeared as if she had completely merged with Joseph so much so that they became a part of a new species entirely. Her height had been doubled and was now almost as tall as the demon itself. Her facial structure had been modified to make space for an extra pair of eyes below hers and right upon her forehead there laid what appeared to be Joseph's mouth. Her limbs were extended and made her capable of reaching even further.

At first, it seemed that the amalgamation worked perfectly but in a mental sense, Mary's consciousness did not resurface and take control of her new body. As silence and immobility conquered the Mary-Joseph creature, Sylvia prepared one of the flintlocks in hand and aimed directly at the demon thinking that she could even harm it.

"Change her back, now!" Sylvia demanded the demon and walked closer to a more proper shooting distance.

"Your friend will return soon, that is, if she even wants to return." The demon continued to keep its patience and did not even flinch or tremble before Sylvia's presence.

"Are you saying that it is up to the cruelty of fate to determine her return?" With her finger on the trigger, Sylvia was completely prepared to shoot the demon at any given moment.

"No, the outcome of this event rests entirely on her shoulders." Though it had given its answer, Sylvia still could not comprehend the situation properly.

Noticing her confused and awkward silence, the demon decided to explain the situation entirely since it still intended to convince Sylvia to accept its miracles.

"Within that body, there are two souls that are conflicted with each other. Though your friend wanted to be reunited with someone she held dear, she must learn to conquer and dominate the other soul within her or let that soul triumph over her." The demon explained enthusiastically as if the conflict between two souls was a child's game.

"What if neither chooses to dominate each other?" Sylvia asked.

"I cannot tell you with confidence of what will happen since it has never happened before in my time." The fact that even the demon did not know the answer to the question already heightened Sylvia's fears.

Away from the physical world where Sylvia and the demon were, Mary and Joseph had finally seen each other again within Mary's mind. Though the two stood in an endless black void with no sense of which way was north or south, they ran towards each other's figure as if it was a star shining brightly in the dead of night. Joseph embraced her in his arms one more time and let her tears stain his attire.

"Mary? Where are we?" The confused Joseph asked whilst she cried.

"I don't know but what matters now is that I've finally found you, Joseph, come with me and I'll bring you back to us." Whilst her arms were wrapped around him, she stood up and dragged Joseph upwards as well but he seemed to have resisted it slightly.

"What are you doing, Joseph?" Her tears of joy had stopped the moment she realized something was wrong with him.

"I remember what happened to me." Joseph said, "I died in order for you and Sylvia to live on, yet, I seem to be in neither Heaven nor hell." He shuddered for a moment, thinking that his sacrifice was for nothing and now Mary had joined him in the afterlife.

"That's because you are inside of me, Joseph" Mary cheerfully spoke to lift his spirits, "I've been given a beautiful miracle and now, we can live together as one for the rest of our lives!" Mary's explanation did not put a smile on his face one bit, rather, it only made him fearful of what she had become.

"As one? Do you mean that we will be living together in your body? Mary, I don't think I can do this to you." Joseph protested, wounding Mary's heart but she had not surrendered just yet.

"Of course, you can live within me, Joseph. I've hated myself and my inabilities that made me lose you but now, I can change that, Joseph. With you by my side, I can feel like we can face this world together." She held Joseph's arms to keep him in place but she could do nothing to the fleeting happiness within his eyes.

"You mustn't hate yourself that much, Mary. You were always smarter than me and could resolve conflicts easily. I am very sure that you don't need me to help you tread upon this world. Though you possess inabilities like any other being, those flaws of yours are not signs that tell you to abandon yourself, but to save yourself from what other mistakes you could make in the future." Joseph held her head against his chest and rubbed his hand down her hair as he spoke.

"Don't say such cruel things to me, Joseph." Though he had intended to comfort her, Mary was adamant on taking him back that she could not tolerate his opposition, "Without you, I am nothing. For throughout the time you have lived, you were always the one who thought that I was beautiful in my silent times and you were always capable of making me cherish every moment we had together. If you won't be here anymore, then what purpose is there to live for if the only one who has ever made me feel confident about myself is gone now?" Her grip tightened and her eyes pierced his soul with childlike innocence.

"Then cherish those parts yourself, Mary. Even during my time alive, I was never really capable of making you see those parts that made you beautiful. I want you to appreciate your beauty just as much as I did and work upon those traits of yours so that you may shine brighter than the sun. Let these be my last words and my final goodbye to you, Mary, for this body and life is yours and yours alone. Only you can be the one to choose whether you are beautiful or not." With these bittersweet words, Mary's grip loosened and Joseph's presence eventually faded away from her grasp once more into the dark void.

"I promise" Mary whispered to herself within nothingness, "I promise that I'll never lose myself ever again, Joseph." With her words, the black floor below her collapsed, and all the way down she fell back into the light of the physical world.

In the world of tangibility, The amalgamation flailed its limbs around and spiraled into a breakdown of sorts. Out from its chest, there emerged a hand fully immersed in crimson red blood. It was a normal human hand and another one accompanied it, causing the body to fall upon its knees because of the hands' weight. Both Sylvia and the angel were shocked at the sight and only Sylvia ran towards the thing and pulled out whoever was inside of the creature.

The person was revealed to be Mary who had freed herself from the experience and was now recovering with Sylvia to tend to her needs. The demon was completely dazed at the results and started to record what it had just witnessed into its memories. Though she was covered in only blood rather than articles of clothing, Mary stood up in a confident manner right in front of the demon and caught its attention.

"It seems that there was nothing to gain from this miracle." Mary stated towards the demon.

"Unfortunately so, but we can conduct another experiment to make it work better." The demon offered another chance but it seemed that Mary was not even interested in it at all.

"Of course, but I would like to be the one to conduct it since I have my own hypothesis." As she spoke, Mary prepared her fidgeting hands as if she was going to grab something quickly.

"And what would that be?" the unsuspecting demon asked.

"Can a supernatural being die?" Once she had finished her question, she quickly grabbed Sylvia's flintlock from her side and fired it directly at the demon's head.

With a severed head, the demon's essence left its constructed body quickly and departed back into the sea knowing that its services were no longer needed. The hive of bodies, however, fell onto the floor motionless and none of the people who were merged to that body returned.

Though it was a moment to celebrate, the two girls immediately went into action since there was no captain to steer the ship. First and obviously, the two kept the weapons with them and searched for clothes that Mary could wear and food for their sustenance. Next, they used a large sack that carried jewelry within the ship's storage area to carry their necessities instead. Finally, Mary had cleansed herself with a wet rag and the two girls used a small boat attached to the side of the ship to escape.

With swift motions of the saber, the two were able to separate their small boat from the ship successfully albeit with a rough landing upon the roaring sea. Though the sea was made as the demon's hideout, neither Sylvia nor Mary thought that it would return to them soon as they exerted as much effort as they could in rowing the boat. Fortunately, the shore was in sight and the joyous discovery inspired the two to row as fast as they can to shore.

As they arrived upon the sandy beach, the two fully prepared themselves for what dangers may come leaving behind all their guilt, grief, and sadness into the same ocean they poured their tears upon.