Chapter 47

Another glass down. Masahiro winced as the cold liquid went down his throat, leaving a disgusting aftertaste. He put the glass back on the bar counter. The cheap liquor tasted like something one would use to wash off car paint. Or, more precisely, the liquid that he just consumed tasted like it was used to wash off the paint.

"Another."

"Sure thing pal. Going for a second bottle today?" the bartender asked, filling the glass again.

"Something like that. Want me to pay for it?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Sure."

Just one of the benefits of being a police officer. This dingy pit of a bar was giving him free booze for just being there. The place looked more like an abandoned basement than a reputable establishment. When an officer was present, even street gang members avoided causing trouble.

The violence had ramped up on both sides in recent years. With the elite being untouchable, the lower classes vented their frustrations on each other. The lowlife gangsters had plenty of potential recruits among the orphaned kids roaming the streets. Far too many were willing to kill to belong somewhere. But even the most brutal street gangs avoided open conflicts with authorities for one simple reason; police were far better equipped and organized. The last gang that killed a cop was found hanged on meat hooks, alive, and stuffed in a freezer.

Mashiro was sent to 'investigate' and write it off as gang war. There was no evidence found.

"Oi, the chief is here again!" a youthful voice said.

Mashiro turned to see five people taking off their breathing masks. The oldest wasn't even eighteen yet. The Blades were the gang controlling this area. Ever since he started binge drinking in this location, they took note of him and acted extra polite. He raised his hand in greeting and then turned back to the drink.

The rough kids were the reason why he was getting free drinks. With him present, they caused a lot less trouble.

The oldest of the group led the others to a darker corner and shouted. "Oi, bring us glasses and a bottle." The bartender hurried over to them.

'Kids these days.' His son didn't drink. He was on a path to becoming a police officer himself. That was until…

"Isobe!" A familiar voice greeted him.

Without looking he said "What is it? Our shift ended three hours ago."

"You know drowning yourself in this cheap shit will not bring them back."

"Thanks, mom!" Masahiro spat at his partner.

"Seriously man. If we could get to that bastard, I would put a bullet in his head myself. But you know how it is with the elite. Your wife and son would not want to see you like this."

He gulped down another glass and looked at his partner. The man had been his friend for over a decade. He was a decent man that knew the world's faults as much as he did and learned to live with them. "If you came to moralize again then fuck off."

"No. Fine, drink yourself to death." His partner let out a tired sigh. They had this conversation every other day for over a month, ever since his family died in a hit and run. The entire department knew who did it, but the one behind the wheel was the son of a higherup in one of the largest corporations. The reckless asshole who murdered his family was untouchable.

"Why did you come here?"

"Another of your old gaming pals was found dead." His partner said, while handing the death report.

"What? Again?" Masahiro instantly sobered up.

"Found dead in his bed. Heart attack. That man was built like a bull, there is no way it was natural. No presence of drugs or any other foul play."

"He was close to forty. It could have been just a heart attack."

"Eight people in less than a year. All connected to you. And that's not counting your family."

"You think I did it?!" Masahiro asked, motioning for the bartender to fill up the glass again.

"Don't put words in my mouth. I'm just saying, watch your back. There's too much death around you lately. Someone might be after you."

"What? Evil spirits. The oni? Who could pull off random shit like that?"

"I'm serious. The captain wants your input tomorrow, so keep the sauce on medium tonight."

"Yeah, sure."

His partner gave him a critical look and then said, "One more drink and I am driving you home!"

Masahiro glared at his partner, drank the glass, and staggered to his feet. There was no arguing. The stubborn ass he considered his best friend would drag him home kicking and screaming.

The worst part about being just drunk was the world spinning. Masahiro sat on the couch in his home, trying to not throw up. Being blackout drunk would have been better.

'Fuck, I should have had a few more.'

The house felt so cold and empty. The two people he cared about the most were gone. What was the point in going on? Even if he could stop mourning and move on, the prospect of marrying again was not there anymore. He would remain alone.

Slowly drifting in and out of consciousness, he remained on the couch, half-sitting. His instinct suddenly warned him about danger. Glancing around the dark room, he noticed two outlines.

"Touch Me." One of them said in a deep, guttural voice.

"Who…" The room lit up and he could finally see who was with him. Before him stood a monster possessing a variety of tentacles and a teenage boy. The monster looked oddly familiar. Oddly enough, it called him by his old gamer tag.

His drunken mind quickly put together what was happening. Whatever the thing was, it likely was behind the deaths of people he played Yggdrasil with. The monster from the game called him Touch Me. Feeling intense dread, his hands somehow found their way to his handgun. With shaking hands, he aimed at the monster and shouted.

"Don't move! Who the fuck are you and what did you do to all those people?!"

"Guns won't harm me. Touch Me, I have come with an offer."

"Offer? You, monster, killed eight people!" He shouted the accusation.

"Each made their choice to leave their lives behind. I have come to give you the same offer." Tabula said, taking a step closer and revealing his monstrous features.

Mashiro contemplated what to do for a moment. This was his chance to find out what happened to the people he once called friends… And besides, there was nothing left for him to live for anyway. "What kind of offer?"

"The world we inhabit is in grave danger, and we need all the help we can get to defeat this adversary. You would be reborn as the World Champion you once were."

'What the hell? Reborn?' His drunken mind refused to make logical conclusions about what he was hearing. The monster waved his hand in Masahiro's direction and suddenly his mind was crystal clear.

"What did you do to the others?!" he shouted while pointing the gun at the monster.

"Some of us were transported by another. The rest chose to come on their own. I once was Takata Haru. Now I am Tabula. You know me."

"That can't be! You died! We found your body! This is madness!"

"My friend, I told of these things even back then, yet few choose to listen. What you think is possible is just a tiny fraction of what is. I left my old form behind to become something more."

Masahiro lowered his gun.

'Could this be true and not some alcohol-induced nightmare? Am I dead already?'

If what he heard was the truth, it would make sense that most would jump at the opportunity to leave Earth. He had read their files, he knew what kind of lives they had. There was another question he wanted an answer to. Turning his attention to the boy standing before the monster he asked.

"You, boy, what is your stake in this?"

"Master is showing me how to perform the transportation ritual." the boy responded with a timid voice.

"Isobe, make your choice. Do you wish to be reborn as Touch Me, or do you want to remain here?" Tabula asked. He already knew that convincing Touch Me would be a problem and there was no point in dragging it out.

Masahiro hesitated. If he would refuse, he would never know what happened to those guild members who died. Maybe for once in his life, he would seek the truth and not turn a blind eye to what was happening, even if it killed him.

"I agree."

"Then your rebirth as Touch Me begins." the monster said.

Masahiro's vision disappeared as he was plunged into darkness. A mere moment later, he opened his eyes. A field with green grass came into view. A gentle spring breeze moved it around. The clear sky above him painted the picture of a world without pollution. The air felt so fresh and clean. His vision felt awfully sharp, his body strong and youthful like it was decades ago.

"What happened?" Touch Me said out loud. The voice sounded weird. It wasn't his.

'Is this paradise? The perfect afterlife?' Touch looked around. Only fields of gently swaying grass. No people, no civilization. 'Where is everyone? Where did Tabula go?'

"I guess I died in my sleep, just like they did. And became the ninth victim to that weird monster that…that was Tabula, no doubt about it. It means that I am…" he looked down. His body was clad in dark carapace with almost human-like proportions. "I am in my game avatar's body."

Before he could wonder what to do, the dark void of a gate spell appeared in front of him. Touch Me tensed up. What if someone hostile comes through? He had no weapon, no armor, no way to meaningfully defend himself.

An avian stepped through the gate.

'Peroroncino?' That had to be Peroroncino. He was one of those who was found dead, hooked up to VR gear.

"Hey, Touch. Good to have you here. We were placing bets if you would even agree to come."

"Pero, you died. We found your and your sister's bodies."

"So that's what happened. We are both alive and well in this world."

"How many of our old guild mates are here?"

"Including you, there should be eleven."

"Eleven?"

"Don't stress it. Everyone is here by choice. At least all of the ones summoned by Tabula are." Peros said and waved his friend to follow. "Come, we will bring you up to speed."

For a moment Touch Me hesitated. There was no real reason to distrust Peroroncino, but the situation he was in just felt too bizarre to be real. With no other option, he followed the avian through the portal to embrace what was to come.

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Her mother's words still hurt. Despite her mother's apology and attempt of mending what she had broken, Neia felt like tearing up each time the painful memory surfaced. For a moment she considered just tossing the letter out, despite being the one who suggested it in the first place.

'No, dad deserves to know mother wants to change and I should give her a second chance.' she scolded herself. The Slane Theocracy's forces should reach Roble soon. Too soon in fact. The lunatics had marched non-stop, crushing the beastmen forces on the way to fulfill their mad crusade.

Mentally preparing to have an argument with her father, she let out a long breath and teleported to the wall.

According to the information she had gathered, her father should have been nearby, but Neia could see only regular soldiers and a few paladins.

"Who are you?" One of the paladins shouted. By the markings, on his plate, he was a lieutenant.

Not wanting to provoke them, Neia looked down and said. "I am Neia Baraja. I am looking for my father, Pavel Baraja."

"Your rank and reason for being here?" the paladin barked at her again.

"I told you; I am here to meet my father." Neia said.

'Why do all the paladins have to be assholes? I don't remember being taught that in the training camp.'

"The wall is off-limits to civilians. Do not resist!"

"I have no time to argue. Where is Pavel?" Neia said looking up. Even her patience had limits and some paladin feeling too important was not worth her time.

"On your knees!" the paladin shouted again as he drew the sword and approached her while others watched.

"Sire, she is the captain's daughter. There is no need to detain her." one of the regular soldiers said, but it fell on deaf ears.

Seeing no other option, Neia closed the distance between her and the paladin, pushing him on his chest with one hand. To not harm the man, she didn't push hard. Still, the fully armed paladin was sent flying and crashed into his companions, making four fully armored men fall.

Even if her response was justified, the paladins who still stood on their feet clearly didn't think so and ran towards her with their weapons drawn.

Having enough, Neia activated her all-seeing eyes. The dark flames stopped the attackers in their tracks.

"I will ask one last time, where is my father?" Neia asked, taking a step in their direction.

"Neia!" a familiar voice called for her. She quickly turned around. "Dad!"

"You can't even come here without causing a scene?" Pavel chuckled as he approached and embraced his daughter.

"Sorry, dad, but they didn't listen at all."

"Don't worry about it. Some here could be a bit zealous." he responded while glaring at the paladins.

To have a private conversation, he led Neia to a quieter part of the wall "How have you been Neia?"

"I am doing fine. Dad, there is a lot going on. Here, this is from mother." Neia handed the letter to her father.

Pavel took the letter, quickly reading it. His face twisted in confusion.

"Neia, is this true? Did she become an Apostle?"

"Yes, mother was accepted by Empress Albedo."

"We are still talking about your mother? The one that chose her religion over us?"

"I know how it sounds, dad, but I was there when she was tested. She endured great pain to atone for what she did. I want to give her a second chance."

"I'll take your word for it then, kiddo." Pavel said and put the letter in his pocket. His wife's heartfelt apology was the last thing he ever expected to receive. Acilia was always a hardline believer, and her fanaticism only grew over the years. The only reason he would even entertain the idea of fixing the relationship with his wife was for the sake of their daughter.

"Um, that's not the only reason I came…" Neia started as she turned to look at the lands beyond the wall. "The Theocracy's army will be here soon."

"Why would they send their army here?"

"To invade Roble and cleanse all the non-believers, which, in their eyes, are everyone."

'They have gone mad then. The rumors were true.'

"You must warn the Queen. I will organize the defense…"

"Dad, Queen Calca knows. You and I have orders from the Emperor to retreat. The incoming army will overwhelm the wall even with us present."

Pavel stood silent for a moment as Neia was facing away from him. In the distance, an approaching army appeared between two large hills.

"I will stay. It is my duty!" Pavel said. He took the bow from his shoulder and quickly counted the arrows in his quiver. He had only about four dozen on him. There should be a decent stack in the armory for a prolonged fight, but the forces on the wall were not prepared for a large-scale invasion. If the Queen knew, why didn't she give an order to prepare?

"No, you will not. We have the order to retreat. The Emperor's will is absolute!" Neia said firmly. It was the first time she used such a tone with her father. Even if she overstepped her boundaries, it was only to execute the order her master had given to her.

"I have not received orders to retreat. Neia, we do not serve the same rulers."

"He gave you a gift! Father, you will not waste that gift in a suicidal attempt to stop an entire army."

"That gift was to protect our home, not run." he said and walked to the edge of the wall.

Neia sighed, grabbed her father's shoulder, and teleported to Nazarick's imperial castle.

Pavel staggered, confused, and then after a brief glance around said. "Neia, bring me back!"

"No." Even if her father doesn't forgive her, she was adamant to keep him out of harm's way.

"Bring me back to the wall! People will die!" Pavel raised his voice.

"I will not let you die, father!" Neia said firmly. She tried to remain calm, but her inner turmoil rose nonetheless. What if it ends up with him hating her? Mother's dismal hit her hard, but their relationship was always cold. Her father on the other hand was the one to provide most of the familiar love. She had never been so defiant towards him.

Pavel looked around trying to understand where he was.

'This must be Nazarick. I have to find a way to get back. Every man, every arrow counts.'

With no other option, he ran out of the room they were in, ending up in a wide and long hall. Both humans and non-humans went about their business, not paying attention to him. The artwork depicting the monster Gods gave him the answer he already knew, he was somewhere in the Empire of Nazarick.

It would take weeks to get back to Roble.

"Father, wait!" Neia shouted. He chose to ignore it. He understood why Neia pulled him away from the upcoming battle, but it didn't change his duties. He needed to protect his home.

"Dad!" Neia grabbed his shoulder again.

"I told you; I need to get back. You made me abandon my duty." he said in a stern voice, shaking her grip off.

"Dad, you will not stop them all. Let me explain, please."

"Explain what exactly? I have been in wars. I know how it is. I have a duty to my country."

"Emperor Ainz can't send help unless Roble asks for it and only when the people see that Slane Theocracy is the enemy, not Nazarick, can we help."

"Innocent people will die. My people, your people. What happened to my daughter who wanted to protect people, be a hero?" Pavel asked bitterly.

"I grew up. Not everyone can or should be saved. There are bigger things to worry about than the few who will die. Queen Calca knows it. She will ask for our help once the invasion has started. Then we will go and save our people."

Neia ran in front of her father looking up to meet his eyes. "Dad, I don't want you to die."

When Neia was little, she would do the same every time he left for assignments. She would beg him to stay. The memory of them saying their goodbyes when Neia started her paladin training was the last time they stood facing each other; however back then he was the one who wanted for her to stay and not become a soldier who risks her life. He didn't ask for her to stay, he didn't ask her to change her mind and pick a different career.

"I know, kiddo. I know. Just don't forget to care about others as well." Pavel said. Politics was such a disgusting thing. Innocent people would die only because otherwise deals cannot be made. He couldn't blame Neia. She served the Emperor of Nazarick and carried out his will. Besides, once upon a time he would have found it absurd that monsters would even humor the idea of helping humans. How bizarre had the world become.

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The code was annoying him again. Likely some unforeseen bug was messing up everything. Kichiro grabbed the stress toy, squeezed it hard, and put the stress relief back on the table.

His newest project was not going as well as he had planned it out. The code was becoming messier and the game itself barely functioned. There was no way he could let testers get their hands on it.

'Let's see if changing this variable does anything.'

The work itself was satisfying and, best of all, involved next to no interactions with people. Well, save for a few he had to deal with that is.

The hours flew by so fast that he didn't even notice the door of his tiny room opening.

"You forgot to eat again!" A gentle voice interrupted his work. She sounded annoyed, at least Kichiro thought her tone meant she was annoyed with something.

"I was busy." He said not looking away from the screen.

"You are always busy. Eat now, and don't forget about meds."

"Yeah, yeah." Kichiro said dismissively as the plate with synthetic food was pushed in front of him, with a side dish of his daily pills. The antidepressants, the anti-anxiety pills, and of course the heavy dose of sleeping pills for later.

Part of him understood that his sister-in-law meant well and she, together with his brother, were the ones keeping him in a somewhat decent state, so he could work. At least today she didn't try to peddle one of her friends on him.

'You are a decent-looking man with a well-paying job. You should get yourself a wife as well.'

Like it was that easy. The few times he had tried to interact with women, it always ended the same. They just found him weird and creepy. The social interactions were one puzzle he couldn't solve no matter how hard he tried. There were some subtle hidden clues that he always missed.

Kichiro quickly ate to avoid another confrontation with the sister-in-law as she would nag all evening if he ignored the meal again.

After swallowing most of the pills, he could return to work. After what felt like another four hours of coding, his vision was starting to get blurry. He leaned back in his chair and stretched. This was the time to stop. Usually, when he worked in such a tired state the code ended up worse.

To save time, Kichiro ran the compiler for a larger project and crashed into his small bed by the desk. If only sleep would come as easily as tiredness. For a while, he stared at the ceiling, then tossed around a bit, then sat up to drink water. It was the usual nightly routine for him.

Resolving to get some sleep, he just stared at the ceiling again until the first hypnagogic visions started. Some dark figures were beside his bed.

'Let's see what kind of monsters come today. I haven't seen the giant bee for a while.'

"Lucifer." A deep, guttural voice called out.

'That's a new one. They usually don't use my internet tag.' Kichiro thought and ignored it. The less he engaged in pre-sleep horrors the easier it was to fall asleep.

"Lucifer, your friends need your aid." His head turned on its own and he finally saw the two figures. A young blonde boy and an eldritch abomination. It was strangely familiar. In the game he played a few years back, there was a player with such an avatar.

"Hey, Tabula. You have come to haunt me as well?" he said, instantly realizing who had visited him. 'Oh, I said it out loud. It means I am dreaming already.'

Kichiro stood up facing the brain eater and his apprentice and walked past them without a care in the world.

"Lucifer, where are you going?" Tabula asked, surprised.

"Can't waste a lucid dream on you. I'm going to do something fun." Kichiro said and grabbed the door handle.

Tabula, seeing that Lucifer was not planning to acknowledge him, switched the dream scene to a doorless and windowless room.

"Hey, let me go before this gets ugly!" Kichiro shouted and pulled a broadsword out of his pocket.

"Hear me out first. This is important."

"Fine, but if I wake up before doing anything interesting, I will kill you the next time you invade my dreams."

"Listen, Lucifer, this is not just a dream. I have come with an offer to be reborn in another world as Lucifer and help us save our new world."

"Ok, sounds fun."

"This is not just a dream you will not wake up or see earth again."

"Ok, let's go."

Tabula hesitated for a moment. Did Lucifer agree without a second thought or just went along with it because he thought it was a dream.

"Lucifer you do understand that there is no going back?" Tabula cautiously asked again.

"Aha, we going or what?"

Tabula nodded and started the transportation process.

Kichiro's vision dimmed and a moment later he stood on a paved road in the middle of a village. The houses looked straight out of a fantasy game. There were few people nearby, but no one paid attention to him.

'So this is the new place. Where did Tabula go?'

Lucifer looked around once again in hopes of seeing anyone familiar but there were no familiar faces.

'What to do now?' he mused while holding his hands together. These people were unfamiliar and he looked like a rotten angel. 'Why are they ignoring me? Don't they find it weird to see someone like me?'

His gaze fell on people walking past once again. Most seemed to be human, though there was an odd dwarf or elf mixed in as well. At the end of the street stood a huge undead with a large shield. To his left in a smaller side street a group of children played dice and gambled what looked like wrapped candy.

'I'll try to ask them.' Lucifer thought with resolve and walked up to them.

"Hello…children." he said with one arm raised in what he considered a friendly gesture.

"Are we doing something wrong?" one of them asked with a trembling voice.

"Huh…oh…I don't know."

Silence. The children stared at him fearfully and with uncertainty in their eyes. He had to say something.

"What is this place?"

"E-Rantel?" One of the kids said, clearly confused about how to answer such a vague question.

"I mean…this…do any of you know someone called Tabula?"

"Mommy told me about the God of Knowledge." a boy who looked a bit older than others answered proudly.

'Am I asking the wrong questions again?' Lucifer tried to understand why the conversation was going nowhere.

"Do you know where to find him?"

"The church is that way." the boy said, pointing back to the main street.

'Now I need to thank him for the information. Should I give them something? All I have is some puzzle toys. Do children like them?'

Lucifer reached in his inventory, pulled out a Rubik's Cube, and handed it to the child with what he thought was a friendly smile.

From the perspective of the children, The deformed, undead angel made a horrifying expression and handed them a weird-colored box. The oldest boy accepted it with shaking hands.

"T-thank you, sir."

"What did you just give to that child?" A stern voice asked. Lucifer looked up to see a familiar goat demon appear through the gate.

"A Rubik's Cube?" he answered, confused about what he did wrong this time.

Ulbert hurried over to the child who, at this point, was already kneeling and dragging his friends into the same position, as the smaller children just stared at Ulbert with their eyes wide and mouths open. He quickly snatched the toy out of the child's hand and apprised it for any enchants and traps.

With a sigh of relief, he gave the toy back to the child and said. "Here, you can keep it. It is just a toy." Then motioned for Lucifer to follow. "Come, I'll get you to Nazarick."

"Sure. Did I do something wrong?" Lucifer asked, catching up to his friend.

"No, but knowing your jokes, I needed to be sure you didn't give a lament configuration or something to a child not knowing that this is reality."

"Ohh, no, I was just giving them a Rubik's Cube. People do say thank you that way?"

"Yes. Don't worry about it. It was just a misunderstanding on my part." Ulbert said apologetically.

Unknown to both of them, the seemingly innocent toy given to a wide-eyed child was about to become an object of worship, a direct gift from a God, given to a special mortal.

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Once the small tour and explanation of the new circumstances ended, Tabula contacted him.

{ I have located your wife and son. I am ready to start the resurrection and remaking process. }

{ What do you mean by remaking process? } Touch hastily messaged back.

{ Since there are no bodies and transportation is needed, they will be reborn in bodies their souls would choose as most suitable based on their personalities. }

{ Wait, can you contact my wife and son in the afterlife!? }

{ Yes, it is not that hard. As I said, I can start the resurrection now.}

{ Did you tell them what will happen? }

{ No, I assumed you would want your family back and the cost is not that high to bring them back. They will have to agree to it of course, but the details are not important. }

{ Don't start anything! I'm coming over. }

With the help of a servitor assigned to him, Touch Me arrived in Tabula's laboratory right away.

"Oh, you came here yourself." Tabula said. A small crystal was floating beside him as he stood by two operation tables.

"Is there any way to contact them before you start?"

"There is, but why do you need it? They are dead, so asking if they want to be alive is an easy question."

"Do they know how I look now, where they would be reborn?"

"You can take a doppelganger ring from Ainz."

"That is besides the point!"

Tabula took out a small pill from his robe and said " Take this, it will knock you out and I can bring you to them."

Touch Me quickly swallowed the pill and sat down on the chair, falling asleep almost instantly. The next moment, he felt a pull and found himself standing next to Tabula in a strange palace.

"Ready to meet them?"

"Yes."

The scenery shifted and they found themselves standing in front of his wife and son.

"Y-yokai!" Kotone screamed and placed herself between them and Shigeo.

Touch instantly realized why she made such a comparison. They did look like the spirits from the mythology after all. He extended his hand and said in a gentle tone "Koto, it's me, Masa."

"Stay away, foul yokai! I will not fall for your tricks."

"Koto, please. This is me. My friend can bring you back to our new world. A better world. You remember the promise we made that we would find each other? I may look different but it's still me."

She looked at him for a while and then her expression softened a bit. "Masa, why are you with this monster?"

"They needed my strength, to protect our new home. You would be reborn stronger than you were, we could live happy free lives in a better world."

"Masa… We did promise each other to stay together...but not like this. You ask me to taint my soul and become a yokai for you? Do you want your son to have the same fate?"

"I..." He could see the fear in his wife's eyes. She feared him now. Was his soul tainted as well? He willingly became a monster after all. He did promise her to always do what was best for her. That's why he was willing to forget his ideal of justice and look the other way. "I understand. I hope your afterlife is a happy one."

"I have another offer if you are willing to hear it out." Tabula said.

The offer was simple enough. Tabula would find them a perfect place to reincarnate.

That's how it ended. His wife and son accepted to be reborn as humans in a free and prosperous world and have happy lives and he remained as is. Alone.

If there was one thing Touch Me could not anticipate, it was the inability to get drunk. The fourth bottle of sake didn't even give him a buzz.

Sitting alone in his luxurious quarters in Nazarick's imperial castle, he tried to go back to a habit of being blackout drunk. Unfortunately, the only effect he felt was a mildly uncomfortable sensation that was caused by having too much liquid inside him.

"Do we have anything stronger than this?" he asked the maid standing by the door. The pointy-eared girl was trying to give a good impression, and eagerly followed his every whim ever since she was assigned to him. What he had heard from Pero was that there was a fierce competition between the homunculus maids and the new world staff to be assigned to cater to the needs of the Gods.

The whole God stuff felt weird as well. He already knew it was real, since Tabula had guided him to his family in the astral realm. The outcome of that meeting was the reason for the current attempt at getting drunk again.

"I am sorry my Lord, but I don't think there is anything stronger available."

"Hrmm…" he let out an unintelligible, unhappy sound, leaning into the armchair. The maid looked down while trying to keep her composure.

"Don't worry about it, miss. It's not your fault; this stuff doesn't work on me anymore."

"Of course, my Lord." She nodded.

As Touch Me considered his options of how to get drunk or high, a knock on the door snapped him out of it. The last person he expected to visit came inside and sat down on the chair beside him.

"Ulbert? What are you doing here?"

"Do you need to start our meeting with being a dick already?" Ulbert asked with a sneer.

"No, I… Forget it. Did you need anything from me?"

"We do need to have a talk on where we both stand."

"Why?"

"I am second in command in our Empire. As Ainz is the ruler and deals with administration, I handle less visible matters. Intelligence, counterintelligence, prosecution. I think you understand where I'm going with this."

Touch me leaned forward, eyeing his old adversary "So what? You want my blessing for all the inhumane shit you are doing? I heard about your son's farm. Everyone warned me to not go near it."

"People like that shit who killed your family are there, not some random citizens. There are plenty of places where you can be the righteous knight you pretend to be; I am asking you to not mess up my work for the sake of stroking your own ego."

"Fine, do whatever you want." Touch said, picking up the bottle again.

Ulbert tilted his head in confusion and then asked, "You alright, Touch? I expected us to bicker for an hour and then wish death upon each other."

"Do I look okay to you?" Touch asked bitterly.

"What happened to you?"

"You know what happened. Everyone here knows what happened." Touch Me said, taking another gulp.

"I mean why didn't Tabula resurrect your wife and son? We surely had enough souls to do that." Ulbert asked.

To see his rival in such a state made him forget all their disagreements for a moment. For now, there was only a friend who had been chewed out by life.

"Why do you care?"

"Just trying to strike up a conversation. If you don't want to talk, it's fine."

"She… They saw what I was now and chose to not follow. Tabula made sure they would be reborn in a safe and prosperous world."

"Shit… Sorry man."

"Spare me the sympathy. I know what you and every other member of our guild were going through on earth."

"Wait, you knew and still acted like a self-righteous dick?"

"Everyone needs a fantasy to escape into."

"I kinda want to kick you in the balls." Ulbert said with a chuckle.

"You try that and see what happens."

"Like I can't kick your ass in one on one."

"Dream on." Touch Me responded with a chuckle of his own. "Say, do you know where to get something stronger than this." he shook the bottle in his hand lightly.

Ulbert grinned and took out a bottle from his inventory. "A drop of this kills a grown human. It is about four hundred times stronger than pure alcohol, but it gives you a heavy headache afterwards."

"So you came prepared to bribe me?" Touch Me asked.

"Of course! It comes with my line of work." Ulbert said and then added in a more somber tone "I couldn't use my other favorite method. Even I'm not that big of an asshole."

"Yeah, thanks for that." He would probably have punched Ulbert if he would have offered him a succubus.

Ulbert handed him the bottle but didn't let it go as Touch Me grabbed it. "So we have a deal that you don't interfere with my work?"

"Can I still complain?" Touch Me asked, pulling the bottle.

"To everyone who gives a shit." Ulbert responded, letting the bribe go.

"By the way, don't get too fucked up. We have a summoning ritual to perform tomorrow."

"Summoning?"

"Yes, it needs all of us. We are creating a body for an ally."

"Sure. How much of this can I use?" Touch Me asked.

"Half a bottle is a reasonable limit. Just don't break stuff."

"I am a calm drunk!"

"Sure you are."

"Seriously." Touch me growled and then poured the drink into the glass. "You having some too?"

"You want to drink with me out of all people?" Ulbert asked.

"Beats drinking alone."

"Hmm, I could stay for a glass or two."

Touch me quickly filled another glass and handed it to the goat demon. How strange life was. A month ago, he was a happily married police officer looking another way at all the injustices of the world, and now he was a godlike insectoid drinking with someone who claimed to be an actual God.

Bonus Story - Reunion.

After the first tour around the new Empire, Takemi teleported back to the Great Tomb. His creation was training hard on the sixth floor as usual and the time for the reunion had come. From what Ainz had said, Cocytus should be way past level one hundred and could likely defeat even his creator in a one on one match.

Even before reaching the end of the tunnel, he could hear the commotion in the arena. A lot of people trained there. Once the numerous mock fights came into view, he didn't know where to look. For a battle maniac like him, it felt like being a kid in a candy shop.

First, he noticed a girl with a large scythe was fighting two teams on her own. Her movements were precise and elegant.

'That must be the kid Buku mentioned. No wonder she was so proud; the girl is skilled. I will have to train with her when I have the chance.'

On the other side of the field, an agile woman with cat ears fought a small team of assassins. It was like watching a choreographed dance. Although it was not his fighting style, the fight looked impressive nonetheless. But the main fight happening in the center of the arena was something else entirely. His son, Cocytus, was fighting a child who looked about three years old. Takemi had only heard about Ainz and Albedo's daughter who, despite being just months old, could almost rival Cocytus in a melee fight.

'That little runt is something else. A few more years and she will likely be wiping floors with all of us combined.'

Just as he was walking closer, Cocytus noticed him from the corner of his eye and made the mistake of turning his head. Splendora immediately used the opportunity and jammed her sword into the insectoid's carapace-clad chest. He could only watch in disbelief at how the massive insectoid was sent flying and almost crashed into the assassin group, who teleported out of harm's way at the last moment.

'How is someone so small and yet so freakishly strong?'

Cocytus was slowly getting up as the cat-eared woman glared at Takemi for a moment and then kneeled. The rest of the arena quickly followed suit.

"Hey, you don't have to do all the fancy manners stuff. Just train like I'm not here." Takemi quickly said, turning his attention back to Cocytus who practically ran up to him. He silently kneeled and presented a sword with two hands to his creator.

"MY LORD!"

"That sword is yours, son." Although it was a bit weird calling his creation 'son', it felt too natural to be ignored. The rest of his friends also considered their creations as their children.

Splendora quickly approached both of them and hovered in the air by gentle movements of her skeletal wings. She gave a quick pout to him and said.

"Uncle Takami, we were training."

He couldn't help but laugh as he patted her head with his enormous hand. "Always ready for the battle, little one?"

"Yes."

"I will not distract your teacher for long."

"OK." Splendora said, and quickly turned her attention to the next best target. "Big sister Zesshi, fight me!"

Takemi let out another laugh as the older girl's eyes went wide as saucers and she put up her scythe in a defensive position just as Splendora's training sword connected with it, causing a small shockwave.

"So Cocytus, how has life treated you?"

"I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER WITH THE CURRENT ARRANGEMENT. I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO TRAIN THE EMPEROR'S DAUGHTER, MY LORD."

"Hey, drop the formal stuff, you can call me Takemi or pops."

"AS YOU WISH, LORD TAKEMI."

'They warned me this will happen. Eh, I will have to spend some time with him to get this worship stuff out of his head.'

"Say, want to spar with me while the little force of nature is busy tormenting that elven girl?"

'IT WOULD BE AN HONOR TO FACE YOU, LORD TAKEMI."

Takemi took out his sword from the inventory as he walked beside his son to the center of the arena. It was better to make the weapons talk than to just stand around and exchange pleasantries anyway.

Edited by Edgy

Additional proofreading by Aterro and placid_void