"The tale of a lifetime."

I sat up in the couch and cleared my throat, "Well...uh."

Staring at everyone's faces, I started to slightly panic but then I saw the smug look Dylan sported and I was instantly motivated to tell the tale of a lifetime.

"I met Dipshit on the street actually. He was hungry, naked, alone and obviously abused. I felt sorry for him so I used to bring food and clothing for him each week."

Dylan's straight face was doing terrible things to my confidence but I continued the story nonetheless.

"One day when I was passing by, he was just laying there like a poor, dirty dog while the rain harshly beat against his skin. I didn't want to just leave him there so I brought him home with me. We fell in love a few months after."

I was hoping for a huge applause or at least a pat on the back for my selflessness but the room was quiet. I felt like an idiot for creating such a dumb story.