Chapter 44: His Paranoia

" Elbows further out! Foot back!"

Minjoon hit Eunsoo's shin with the scabbard of his sword as he fixed Eunsoo's posture.

"Yes, Leader-min!"

Eunsoo shouted reverently as he turned his body to complete the martial movements Minjoon directed him to do.

"Don't lean to the side, tighten your core."

Minjoon reprimanded Eunsoo as he roughly pressed the palm of him hand on Eunsoo's abdomen. "Maintain your center of gravity."

"Ugh- yes, sir." Eunsoo stopped himself from stumbling back.

Minjoon nodded and stepped back to observe Eunsoo.

'Do you have to touch him? Just use the sword…' I relay my sulking mood to Minjoon telepathically.

I was brooding near the entrance of the training room they were using.

Minjoon glanced at me for a second and smiled out of Eunsoo's sight. He tilted his head cutely as he quietly chuckled.

'Pft, seriously? Your jealous of me hitting this guy?'

'Don't touch another man. Period.' I growl back grumpily. I crossed my arms and leaned on the cold pole next to me.

Ah~ my heart was just as cold. My lover barely had time for me these past couple months after he personally took on two disciples.

His time in this world was basically divided into three parts; leading the Froster guild, bullying the protagonist in subtle ways, and lastly, getting close with his sister.

I wasn't part of pie above.

All I got were the crumbs.

The only time I see him is when I'm stalking him (like now, where I am intruding on their training session), raiding a dungeon with him and his team, or at night when I'm creepily staring at his exhausted sleeping figure.

'What about females?' Minjoon's teasing voice brought my attention back.

'You're gay, love. I don't have to worry about that.' I smugly retort.

'…Right, I'm the one who has to worry about that.'

'Huh?'

Unconsciously, I uncrossed my arms, as bafflement stunned me for a moment. Minjoon had these occasional bouts of insecurity. No matter how much I reassured him, he didn't believe me until he got out of his depression phase on his own.

'We've been over this, Minjoon.' I sternly state.

It honestly did not feel good to be constantly doubted by my lover. When did this even start?

'I-I know, sorry. I didn't mean that.'

Minjoon brushed it off with a laugh. He avoided eye contact with me as he tried to go back to training Eunsoo.

But his fingers were shaking. He's been getting panic attacks when he feels… abandoned, I think.

"That's enough, sessions over."

I march up and grab Minjoon by the hand.

"Huh?! Wait, wha-"

Eunsoo backs off once I glare at him.

I pull Minjoon along and exit the gym. Unfortunately, we ran into his sister. I informed her that her training appointment with Minjoon was canceled for today. Though she seemed worried about Minjoon who was quiet and had his head down, I brushed her off a random excuse.

I take us along deserted pathways to avoid any guild members present.

I gently push Minjoon into his office and lock the door behind us. I turn around to see Minjoon fidgeting. I sigh at his pitiful appearance.

I ruffle his hair as I walk past him to ease his nerves. I sit on the couch and grab a bottle of alcohol stashed in the mini fridge by the table. I pour me a large amount.

I drown the contents of the cup, gulp after gulp, to smother my feelings down for a moment. I didn't want him to think I was anger at him.

"Hah... come sit please. We need to talk."

I beckon him over to sit next to me. Minjoon chose to sit across from me. He crossed his hands, wrapping them around himself. I narrow my eyes at this; why did he feel the need to protect himself from me, of all people?

He cleared his throat before speaking. "Ehem, go ahead."

I stifle a sigh before I begin. "Minjoon, you have some mental issues we need to work on."

With no sugar coating whatsoever.

Damn, am I drunk already? Gentle is what he needs right now. I rush to elaborate softly on what I meant.

"I've realized you have some problems carrying on from your original world. You carry scars, so I haven't wanted to open them. But sweetheart, you've gotten worse since we started this worlds mission."

Minjoon stayed rigid, pursing his lips. "Nothing is wrong with me."

"Have you forgotten that I have my eyes on you 24/7? Restless sleep, paranoia, throwing yourself into the guilds work, lack of appetite. Need I go on?"

Minjoon had long turned his head away from me.

"Minjoon, please. Give me something to work with, I want to help you."

"I'm working on it, so just drop the subject." Minjoon abruptly stood up.

I caught him before he could walk away. My arms wrapped around his now thinner waistline to pull him towards me.

"Okay. If you don't want to talk to me, talk to someone else."

"No!" Minjoon adamantly refused as he pushed me away.

"Whatever you think you're doing isn't helping you! Tell me, how many panic attacks have you had just this week, huh? You need to give me something! You've never had this problem before we came to this world. Is it the mission? If you can't handle it, it's okay. We'll work together, and if you still can't, then we can leave this world!"

"That's not it!"

"Then what is it?!" I clench my head in frustration.

Minjoon went back to being silent as the dead.

"…Is it me?"

"Wha-"

"Every time you get a panic attack it's when you're being paranoid that I'm cheating or questioning my so called sexuality."

Something I don't even have. I'm a fricken system for god's sake, I'm attracted to souls! "I've explained this to before, many times. Just what is going on with you?"

"That's not it, stop jumping to conclusions. I told you to just leave it." Minjoon stepped away from me.

We're just going in circles now.

"Are you doing this to drive me away?"

Because it's certainly working.

"Enough! Stop hogging at me already!"

"I'll stop when you can actually sleep at night, once you eat a full meal without throwing up secretly! You're hurting and I have no idea how to help you!"

Minjoon's eyes watered yet his tone remained firm. "I do not want to speak to anyone I know about it."

"That's fine with me, I understand that." I bring him back to sit down as he let his guard down. I softly whisper in his ear. "All I'm asking is for you to see a psychologist, not today, just soon."

"I'm not spilling my guts to a stranger." He scoffed and crossed his arms.

"A stranger wouldn't judge you and you'll never see them again."

Minjoon seemed to debate for a moment, complementing his decision.

"…No." He mumbled, shaking his head.

That's it.