Forbidden Chapter

It was indeed a chapter that he could not erase from his life, this trip. Each night Ray and Yi Ren explored every possible angles, Ray was willingly arching himself for Yi Ren to exploit as he look forward to be united, enjoying this new found feeling of being so consumed in by Yi Ren and learning how to express himself with his moves and strokes satisfying Yi Ren to the fullest, learning how it works being new to this.

Their emotions and body rocking back and forth each night as moans filled the room when both reach the highest peak of the built up exploding into deep embrace and kisses. On their last night, Yi Ren gave him a night he won't be able to forget, putting a blind fold on them - Yi Ren was putting his dance practice at work, making them feel deeply without seeing.

And added on to that, he had bought Ray a little surprise after teeing up the night with a long kiss until he starts to hear the familiar moans from Ray, he tied Ray's hands to the bed frame railing and strip him off his clothes. He feasted on to his every curve and took his trunk in feasting on it going up and down until he saw the familiar arch from Ray and he stop causing Ray to pull at the rope tied on to his hands demanding for more.

"Ah Yi Ren! Don't ! Ahmmm YI! Ren!" Ray could not see but could only feel Yi Ren's touch on him. The heighten emotion from just focusing his senses on Yi Ren's move made him loose control, sunk in his desire to to feel more of what YI Ren is making him. Something that he was not usually accustomed to, given his rationale and logical demeanour as usual.

It was Yi Ren's  game on him "I want you to remember us Ray and not forget us after we leave here" and as he suck on him again, Ray moan furiously "ah Yi Ren you are torturing me.... aaaaaahh!"

Yi Ren played with him letting him peak and then stopping and seeing Ray's wild side emerge as Ray repeatedly pulled his hands to try to release them from the rope wanting to push Yi Ren away from toying with his trunk. Yi Ren invoke in Ray the very core of his desire. Yi Ren satisfied to see Ray's asked through his actions just demanding Yi Ren for more.

"Yi Ren... I can't hold it anymore stop! stop! pls please just do it, I want it! Ahh! Yi Ren stop playing!" Yi Ren watch as Ray turn desperate and he lift both Ray's legs on his shoulders. Yi Ren heard the plea well, he drove and push his hard self in this position, splitting Ray apart spreading his legs and thrusting it deep as he played with his harden trunk in tandem striking it fast working it like how he is pushing it in and out of his opening.

Ray was speechless he couldn't release his hands though pulling at it repeatedly and wishing Yi Ren would stop playing with the rhythm controlling him yet he was immensely enjoying it.

He was stunned himself how he had cried Yi Ren's name and ask Yi Ren to shove it in harder until he could feel his wrist hurting as his flesh was rub against the pulled rope furiously. "Yi Ren! I waaant, faster...aaaa..more. I... can't ahhhh ngmmm aaaah!" Just at that  he bursted out non-stop ejaculating everything as he feels Yi Ren releasing too, jerking endlessly in him.

He laid there quietly as usual and turning in to sink himself into Yi Ren's embrace he buried his face on Yi Ren's chest, both catching their breath until they quiet down, not wanting to face reality on what lies ahead, they stayed quietly in each other's embrace burying the hard reality in their embrace.

"Ray... when we get back, what do you think will happen to us?"

"Ray sink his head in to Yi Ren's chest fearing he might breakdown into tears..." He kept silent.... the question hurt him and Yi Ren.

And the subsequent months that follows were the most difficult ever for Ray given this inscribed path they had ink in their lives.

Ray and Yi Ren knew this chapter can't be expose back home as it would be difficult to be accepted yet it triggered the question more why must we define how or what makes us love someone.

Was it conditional that you cannot love someone, is loving someone conditional to looks,  colour, race, age or gender....was it a universal rule that we were born to box our thinking to erase our feelings if we cross those lines. Had the world been thought to decide and frown onto those of not the norm? stereotype into those categories...and be punish because of loving what society thinks they shouldn't.

Where we made to only love the defined rules of specific beings only.... then how do we move on? Ray was lost questioning all these as the values he was taught and brought up with clashes with what he is experiencing and it became so difficult to even began to allow it to happen to himself.

These fundamentals what's right vs what's wrong how does he even begin the conversations back home to his own family members. And the torture of confining it made him sink deeper, quietly into his own world....reserve from talking about this forbidden chapter that took place.

Yet as they meet at work, the eyes that hold so much feelings had to be kept secretly and only when they were alone these best kept emotions erupted ...yet they were always confined and control to watchful eyes, watchful behaviour. While Yi Ren was more relaxed about it, Ray was not and perhaps it was set in their character.

Ray's guilt consume him at times yet he wasn't able to stop what he felt. It was tiring to not be able to express himself yet he wants to show what he feels to his family the people around him, the closest to him and it was his music that kept him motivated to live in this world that he had chosen to walk... his music kept him company.

The dual personality that they kept in public and private hurts them deeply at times - things that they say, their reaction to not care so it won't be picked up.

This is not the belief that Ray had - his view and vision of what love can bring and do should bring happiness and joy to others not hurt and sadness and the constant struggle to keep this balance morph Ray further forcing him to choose which is not the cross road that he like best. And his best comfort came from Yi Ren who held it like how he believe in them.

And as he played his favourite pieces on the piano that night he felt and understood what Jon had fought for and how difficult when you make your stand against the main stream. He never really understood it, but it now forces him to make that decision and to weigh in the pros and cons.

The ability to forgo and risk forgoing, the scrutiny and the dual hypocrite life he had to constantly struggle with. As the music strum his heart .... he envision the mockery that he and Yi Ren had to face and that saddens him, the unattainable love that he yearn to give when he love someone that had somehow pegged his heart yet he had to walk this path with his head down.

Jon help me out... he called out as he strike each note, the familiar tune of Yiruma's kiss the rain drew him to ground zero... he crashed his fingers on it and drum in the feelings.

He now understand how difficult for some people out there to even be able to express their love to their loved ones given this universal stereotyping.

The stereotyping they have to live with more so as public figures, role model and they had to be contented with holding on to misses, just misses in the heart while the fight for inclusion and diversity continues ...

Until then he had to be contented living this way as he is allowed to, beyond his belief of what an artist should do - feel and express their feelings as it is. Protecting this love, he needs to protect what they had at this cross road.

He walked to the window and stare out into the nasty rain that had accompany his melody earlier concurring to his feelings as he cried along with the melody, the night rained heavily as the cross road presents itself as how his heart felt yet as he watched  the rain splattering on the window... he draw his misses for Yi Ren on the misty glass window.