Feeling Helpless

All was quiet, and Shu Pan had been drawing for a while, noticing that it was already 11 o'clock according to the clock on the wall. Gu Shaoting hadn't come back yet. She absentmindedly gazed out the window, where the ink-blue sky seemed endless, enveloping the entire city in darkness. The moon hung overhead, but its radiance was obscured by clouds, leaving only a faint glimpse of silver.

Suddenly, the sound of unlocking the front door reached her ears, accompanied by the scent of alcohol. Gu Shaoting entered, and the foyer was dimly lit by a small lamp. He paused for a moment, then slowly curved his lips into a smile. Before they were married, the apartment used to be pitch black when he returned. Now, he knew there would be a small lamp at the entrance, emitting a dim yellow glow, indicating that someone was waiting for him at home. Since marrying Shu Pan, no matter how late he came back, she would leave a light on for him. It was a pleasant feeling.

"You're back?" Shu Pan came out while Gu Shaoting was changing his shoes. As she approached, she caught a whiff of the strong smell of alcohol. Shu Pan turned and went into the kitchen, swiftly pouring a glass of lightly sweetened honey water. Gu Shaoting accepted the water and drank it in one gulp.

"Why did you leave so early tonight? Why didn't you wait for me? Are you feeling unwell anywhere?" Gu Shaoting handed the glass back to Shu Pan, asking.

"I'm fine. Oh, a woman called just now, asking me to pass on a few words to you," Shu Pan suddenly remembered the phone call.

"A woman? What did she want me to know?" If it was a friend, they would usually call his mobile phone. How did they know his home phone number? Gu Shaoting was puzzled.

"She said her surname is Tong and that she wanted me to tell you she's back and wants to see you," Shu Pan replied, realizing that Gu Shaoting remained silent. She wondered what he was thinking.

"Shaoting, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing. She must be an old friend from before. I guess we haven't been in touch for so long, so she doesn't have my mobile number," Gu Shaoting said as he walked toward the bedroom.

Shu Pan noticed his lack of desire to talk. She had initially wanted to discuss her father's company's issues, but she decided against it. Now that she knew he had asked her to take medication to prevent pregnancy, this matter felt like a thorn stuck in her throat, making her feel extremely uncomfortable.

Seeing Gu Shaoting enter the master bedroom, Shu Pan followed him in.

Whether due to the lighting or her discomfort, Shu Pan's complexion didn't look good. Gu Shaoting observed her for a moment and said, "Are you sure you're okay? You don't look well."

Shu Pan stuck out her tongue and said, "Maybe it's because I've been rushing to meet a deadline recently, and my sleep has been insufficient."

"Then go to bed earlier," Gu Shaoting said, holding his sleepwear and entering the bathroom.

Shu Pan lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling above, while memories of the past three years of her life with Gu Shaoting constantly replayed in her mind. Their relationship had progressed from meeting to marriage in the blink of an eye, following the trend of a fashionable flash marriage. After getting married, their life had been calm and uneventful, without any arguments. Now, it felt like their lives were suddenly being engulfed by a storm.

When Gu Shaoting stepped out of the bathroom, Shu Pan quickly closed her eyes, tensing up her body. Soon, she felt the bed sink beside her, but Gu Shaoting didn't embrace her as he usually did. Shu Pan lay there, her body weary, her eyes closed, but her mind remained clear.

Images of her journey with Gu Shaoting, from their first meeting to their marriage, flashed through her mind. The little traces of sweetness that remained from their past were now in turmoil, no longer within reach.