A daydreaming cynic's hunt for goodness

Instead of the usual gusts of wind pulling at her hair, preventing her from advancing with its powerful blowing, or vicious branches whipping her skin, nature stood still today. Even the ridiculing sky shied away from Yuuya, its thin clouds hurriedly escaping her eyes. Whoring around SALT like mommy could be checked off her checklist, and she was, or at least felt, one warm step closer to Hell. When Yuuya got home by noon the day after, her mother had, to Yuuya's disappointment, been away the entire time, and had not even noticed that her daughter was gone in the first place. Still, Yuuya refused to give up, and so she stubbornly kept her reeking outfit on and tried her best to preserve the vulgar appearance she woke up in until mom would come home and witness the horror that was her daughter. The result was underwhelming. Upon seeing Yuuya, her mother silently looked at her for a moment with narrowed eyes before finally saying; “Is that my cheerleading skirt?” followed by demanding she takes a shower not to “stink up the house”. Her mother then walked past her, without another glance in her direction, and Yuuya was left standing with an empty look in her eyes on a dejected face smeared with make-up. Since her cynification, a.k.a giving up on the human race, Yuuya Hibeki was seldom disappointed or hurt because of her pessimistic, or more accurately, non-existing, expectations of others. That especially applied to her mother. So when Yuuya in that moment had her expectations crushed for the first time in years, it hit hard, one could say.

And so, Yuuya ended up here, in the same park she had startled a curious cat a few days ago, sulking beneath the shy sky. Childishly, she invented new descriptive slurs of her mother to somewhat ease her mood, which it didn't, and after a good 15 minutes, Yuuya's mind eventually shifted its interest back to her grand plan and what the next step towards Hell would entail. Because obviously, her little visit to SALT was not nearly enough to deem her unforgivable. She knew that beforehand, and her mother (which's newly invented name must not be named due for the sake of us all) made that painfully clear. The next step was quite obvious to Yuuya. Now that she had dirtied herself, she must bring pain onto someone else. But hitting or teasing somebody won't do. Again, if it were that easy, then every single kindergartener in the world would end up in Hell. She certainly wouldn’t have anything against it, but that’s beside the point. Essentially, it had to be an action of pure malice which deliberately hurt someone on a deeper level, purely because Yuuya wants it so. Sure, lashing out at a stranger would not be difficult for her to do. She's got enough pent-up frustration to drown a country in, but that wouldn't do, either. An evil act out of emotion, Yuuya argues, is not evil at all. It's idiotic, and mean at best. She might've been able to fool her body, but it's harder to fool the brain, hence her current predicament. Truly, Yuuya Hibeki is too kind for her own good... As the faint memory of Naomi Tanaka had appeared in her mind back then, Yuuya suddenly remembers another person of the past. This person, on the other hand, she remembers vividly, in exact detail, and would never forget their face even in the smouldering flames of Hell. In Yuuya's second year of Middle school, when she had just moved here, the first classmate to approach her had a white, round face resembling a shiny plate, she remembers thinking, who greeted her with the mystic words “Welcome, I'm glad you've finally come”. She had reached out her small hand, which was equally pale, and smiled at the stranger before her as if they were reuniting after many years apart. Yuuya thought it was strange back then, and she thinks it's equally strange now. The gentle girl's name was Hana. And she was the first human in Yuuya´s life who she ever felt urged to hurt. Hana wasn´t mean to Yuuya, quite the contrary. Hana's goodness towards others, rivalled only by her angelic innocence, is still to this day unlike anything Yuuya has ever witnessed, and the little saint's compassion for every other living being on this planet feels no less alien to her now than it did then. From the very moment Hana had reached out her white hand, Yuuya Hibeki could not stand her. And it did not take long for Yuuya's thoughts to contort into something far more sinister than mere insults. She, who loathed human interaction in all forms, developed a desperate and passionate desire to crush that gullible innocence of hers. Not because she despised Hana, God's little favourite, but simply because she wanted to have the honour of cracking this rarest kind of purity before anyone else could. Because it would crack, that much is inevitable in this world. A girl like Hana would be easy to break, too. Goodness is fragile, and while useless, very, very beautiful. Much like an extremely rare type of diamond. In the end, she never did break little Hana. Yuuya was young, and perhaps a little scared of the idea of possessing such devastating power in such a small body. Thinking back, it's a shame she never did it. Maybe that act alone would've deemed the young cynic worthy of entering Hell. Now, three years later, she has to make up for that missed opportunity in the humiliating form of imitating her mother, hitting trashy bars, and aimlessly hunting for a new victim god-knows-where. The memory of Hana, while bittersweet, still sparked some hope in Yuuya, as it reminded her of her capability to do evil. If she finds a gentle person, one that emanated goodness in its purest of forms like Hana, or at the very least something similar to that, for Hana's was a rarity, Yuuya Hibeki felt confident that she could commit a wonderfully heinous act deserving of the title “unforgivable”.