33. Sound of Silence

Sound of Silence

Peace and quiet... you're not going to find it in this neighborhood. Especially in the Loud house.

[Enter Lincoln who is holding a new comic book]

Lincoln: [kicks off shoes] Shoes off. [takes off shirt] Shirt removed. [removes belt and drops pants] Pants, be gone. [enters room] Whoo-hoo! It's New Comic Wednesday! And there's no better way to read comics than in my undies! Ultra rare comic? Check. Optimal reading attire? Check. [puts on gloves] Comic protection? Check. Well deserved and much desired peace and quiet? Check.

[However, Lucy's on his bed's headboard]

Lucy: I have to tell you about this dream I had last night. [Lincoln yelps at her presence]

Lincoln: I'd love to hear it, but as you can see, I'm-

Lucy: So, I'm hanging out in this coffin, and all of a sudden...

[Lincoln knows she won't stop and goes under the grownup table to read his comic]

Lincoln: Peace and quiet? Check. Again.

[But suddenly, a lizard comes crawling over his comic]

Lana: Izzy! Where are you?

[Lincoln screams and hits his head under the table]

Lincoln: Ow!

Lana: [looks under the table] There you are! Oh, hey, Lincoln! I see you met my new lizard, Izzy. Wanna pet him?

[Lincoln glares at her and moves to the houses vents]

Lincoln: [growing irritated] Peace and quiet. Check. Again.

[All of a sudden, Luna plays a really loud guitar riff and causes Lincoln to fall out of the vent and into her room]

Luna: Nice stage dive, bro! [continues playing, making Lincoln shake over the noise's vibrations]

[Lincoln is now in a dark place where only his eyes can be shown]

Lincoln: [starting to lose it] Finally, peace and quiet! Check! AGAIN! [turns on a flashlight]

[It is revealed that he is reading in the garbage can outside, and Luan lifts up the lid with a garbage bag]

Luan: Oh, hey, Lincoln. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck! [laughs] I would take trash, but I refuse. [laughs again as Lincoln just rolls the garbage can away in frustration] Now we're both on a roll! [laughs some more and bangs the lid on her knee. Lincoln walks in the living room picking trash off him]

Laney: [Is seen reading a book] Lincoln? Are you alright?

Lincoln: How can I be? There's no place in this house where I can read with out any interruption!

Laney: Well, here's qu-

Lincoln: Is it too much to ask for a little peace and quiet so that a guy can read his comic in his undies? [walks over to the sofa to sit down; to the viewers] Sadly, when you've got eleven sisters, it's almost impossible to get a moment's peace.

[An ad comes on TV]

Announcer: Do you find it almost impossible to get a moment's peace?

Lincoln: [exasperated] Yes. [suddenly intrigued] Wait! Yes!

Announcer: Then you need the Noise-B-Gone 2000 Earbuds! With 12 different soothing sounds, tune out that noisy world and enjoy a little me time. Only $19.95. Call now.

Lincoln: SOLD! [Goes around looking for some of his money he has been saving up in various places he would keep it and gets the exact total he needs and gets on the phone with customer service] Same-day delivery? How much more is that? [As he's told, he gets out some more money and has enough for the same-day delivery] Yeah, let's do it.

[In just a short amount of time, a delivery drone comes by with Lincoln's package; Lincoln answers the door and picks up his package]

Lincoln: Ah, Noise-B-Gone 2000. Take my money! [Hands the drone the amount due]

[The amount is too much for the drone to lift and it crashes down on the porch; Lincoln opens up the buds and puts them in while seeing the ruckus his sisters are causing]

Lincoln: Noise...be gone. [presses buttons on buds and suddenly gets a wind chime sound over his sisters' commotion; tries other settings like trickling water, chirping birds, and waves crashing and is relieved] Goodbye, pesky, noisy sisters. Hello, me time.

[Lori comes in to talk to Lincoln about something, but since Lincoln's earbuds have canceled out her dialogue, it is unknown what she is telling him]

Lincoln: [not paying attention] Whatever you say, sis!

[Next, Luna comes in to show off a rocking solo, but Lincoln doesn't hear it]

Lincoln: [ignoring] Cool jams!

[Finally, Lana and Izzy come in and Lana has something to tell Lincoln, but she is muted out like Lori and Luna]

Lincoln: [too focused] You know it, girl! [takes buds off as Lana leaves] Noise-B-Gone, you...are...AWESOME! So, why stop at comics? [puts them back on] Let the quiet times roll! [while working on a model plane with Luan telling some of her comedy material] Funny! Funny stuff! [while playing video games with Lynn watching] You betcha, Lynn-arino! [while working on a magazine puzzle; walks by Lucy] Uh-huh! [past Leni] I hear that! [across Lisa who is holding some beakers] Abso-tutely! [goes into his room to shoot some hoops]

Laney: [walks in Lincoln's room] Hey, Lincoln. I know you find it tough to find a moment's peace in this house and don't get me wrong, I know what that's like so I'm-

Lincoln: [Not hearing Laney's conversation with the earbuds on] I know what you mean!

Laney: Okay... Well I just want you to know that you can come to me for some quiet time. Hey, maybe you can help me with my hobbies. Tomorrow morning sound good?

Lincoln: [Still not hearing Laney's conversation] Totally!

Laney: Thanks, Lincoln! [walks off]

[Lola comes in to talk to Lincoln about something important, but thanks to the buds, he can't understand her; what Lola's talking about is worrying her, but he just tunes her out more]

Lincoln: Aah...

[Bedtime]

Lincoln: [takes buds off] Thanks for a silent day, guys. [polishes them] You're my new best buds. [puts them away and awaits to use them again tomorrow]

[The next morning]

Lola: [barges into Lincoln's room] LINCOLN! [Lincoln screams and falls out of bed] Don't forget you promised to do that thing for me by 3 o'clock today!

Lincoln: [obviously confused] Huh? [notices his ear buds are on the floor and quickly hides them]

Lola: [Suspiciously irked] You didn't forget, did you?

Lincoln: [chuckles] Of course I didn't forget, Lola.

Lola: Good, because you wouldn't want to make me MAD! [storms off]

Lincoln: [worried] Now, what did I promise?

[enter Lynn]

Lynn: Hey, Lincoln!

Lincoln: Hey, Lynn. You don't happen to know what I promised-

Lynn: [grabs him] Come on, it's go time!

Lincoln: For what?

[Lynn takes him out into the backyard]

Lincoln: Lynn, what's happening?

Lynn: HIYAH! [hits Lincoln with a dropkick]

Lincoln: Whoa! Hey! [getting kicked by Lynn multiple times] Ow! What are you doing?

Lynn: Practicing my kickboxing! HUAH! Yesterday, you said you'd be my sparring partner. [throws more kicks at Lincoln] Remember? HIYAH!

Lincoln: I did? I mean, right. I remember. [Lynn delivers a powerful kick to him] So, uh, do you know where Lola went today?

Lynn: [hits him with another powerful kick] Nope. Why?

Lincoln: Well...I guess I promised to- [avoids another blow] Whoa! -do something for her, but- [another dodge] -I sort of forgot what it is.

Lynn: [punches him] WHAT?! You'd better remember! You know what happens when you make Lola mad! Did I ever tell you about the pudding incident?

Lincoln: No.

[Flashback to the pudding incident]

Lola: [notices there's no more pudding in the fridge and Lynn has the last cup] So, you ate the last pudding, huh?

Lynn: [realizing] Oh, did I? I don't know. Guess so.

Lola: [with a demonic grin on her face] Oh, that's okay...

[Later, as Lynn is getting ready for bed, she notices something under her blanket, lifts it up, and discovers that Lola popped her Soccer ball with a soft knife and screams in horror; end flashback]

Lincoln: [terrified] All because you ate the last pudding?

Lynn: [suddenly calm] Yep. Now stay focused. HIYAH! [kicks Lincoln right into her Soccer goalie net] GOAL! [runs off]

Lincoln: Whew.

[Enter Leni]

Leni: Lincoln, come on! I need you.

Lincoln: For what?

Leni: Don't be a dope. We talked about this tomorrow. I mean, yesterday.

[Lynn seems content about this]

[In Lori and Leni's room, Leni is using Lincoln as a mannequin for a new design]

Leni: [sewing] I think my design for the Manotard is really working. Thanks for agreeing to be my model. [pokes Lincoln with needle]

Lincoln: Ow! Yeah, sure. So, um, let me ask you a hypothetical... [realizing Leni would not know what "hypothetical" means] ...I mean, a what-if question. Say you promised Lola you'd do something for her, but you forgot what it was.

Leni: [shoving needle into Lincoln in shock] LANDON! You're in huge trouble!

Lincoln: My name is Lincoln.

Leni: You know what happens when you make Lola mad. Did I ever tell you about the tiara crisis?!

[Flashback to the tiara crisis; Leni sits down in the chair only to hear a crunching sound and finds out she sat on Lola's favorite tiara; Lola sees the aftermath]

Leni: Oops. Sorry, Lola.

Lola: [with the same demonic grin from Lynn's flashback] Oh, that's okay...

[In Lori and Leni's room, all of Leni's stuff is gone]

Leni: WHERE'S ALL MY STUFF?!

Lola: [outside] Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! Free stuff!

[Leni looks outside and notices that Lola is giving away all her stuff and gasps in demise]

Lola: My sister doesn't need this stuff, but you do!

[End flashback]

Lincoln: [petrified] All because you accidentally broke her tiara?

Leni: [finished] And viola! Okay, girls, fashion show!

Lincoln: [embarrassed] What? Girls? No way!

Leni: You promised.

[Leni's friends pop in and ogle Lincoln in the manotard; one of them even takes a selfie with him much to his embarrassment]

Lincoln: Are you sure you can do this? [Laney is seen wearing a ballerina tutu]

Laney: Totally! Just like you said! [Laney takes a running start then leaps to Lincoln, where he catches her, and then falls] Oof! We should really work on that.

Lincoln: When did you even started ballet?

Laney: Just a hobby I'm working on, you said you'd help me.

Lincoln: Right. Well anyway, I promised Lola something and-

Laney: WHAT?! Do you remember what it was?

Lincoln: I was hoping you knew.

Laney: Oh no, this is not good! You should never make Lola mad! Have I ever told you about... The Slip?

[Flashback to The Slip, Laney was painting something in the hallway then some red paint dripped then as Lola worked on her paegant walk she slipped on the paint getting it all over her back]

Laney: Oops, sorry Lola!

Lola: [with the same demonic grin from Leni's flashback] Oh, that's okay. I can wash that off...

[Minutes later, after Laney washed her hands in the bathroom, she gasps in horror to see that her painting was destroyed. Then she followed the trail of painted footprints to see that her chest was smashed to pieces with the easel, which made Laney scream in horror. End flashback]

Lincoln: [trembles in fear] She did that?

Laney: Yes. And I don't even wanna know what she's gonna do to you If you don't do what she asks you to! Hurry! [Lincoln runs off, but Laney stops him] But, not before we do one more practice performance...

One performance later...

Lincoln: You sure I agreed to do this?

Lori: I believe your exact words yesterday were, "Whatever you say, sis".

[It is shown that Lincoln is being used as an ottoman for Lori to paint her toenails]

Lori: So, I hear you got a little Lola problem.

Lincoln: [surprised that she knew] How did you-

Lori: Word gets around. Now, listen to me, Lincoln. You know what happens when you make Lola mad, so you'd better figure out what you promised her! Did I ever tell you about...Sneeze-ageddon?

[Flashback to Sneeze-ageddon; Lola and Lori are sitting on the couch bored; Lola suddenly sneezes]

Lola: Achoo! [notices Lori right next to her and clears throat] I didn't hear a 'bless you'!

[Lori ignores her and Lola gets that demonic grin again; cut to a pot of boiling water on the stove that Lori passes by]

Lori: Has anyone seen my phone? [notices the pot, opens the lid, uses tongs to pull out a familiar object, gasps to see that it's her phone now destroyed and screams in panic; end flashback]

Lincoln: [fearing immensely] If she did all that stuff to you guys, what is she gonna do to me?

Lori: Maybe you should talk to Lana. I'm sure she'll be able to help you.

Lincoln: [relieved] Of course! Thanks! [gets ready to go]

Lori: Ah ah ah! I haven't done my top coat yet.

[Lincoln resumes his ottoman position]

[Lola and Lana's room]

Lana: You...WHAT?! You know what happens when you make Lola mad! I don't know what she wants you to do, but you'd better figure it out. Did I ever tell you about...the frog fiasco?

Lincoln: [fearing immensely] Do I wanna know about the frog fiasco?

[Flashback to the frog fiasco; Lola is trying to apply some mascara when a frog croaks from behind her and makes her mess up]

Lana: Aww! You're a burpy-durpy today. Isn't he the cutest?

Lola: [chuckling menacingly under demonic grin] So cute...

[Later, Lana is getting ready to feed her frog]

Lana: Who's hungry? [notices he's not in his tank] Seymour? Where'd you go? [hears Lola whistling and notices her carrying a shovel, seeing that Lola killed and buried Seymour] NOOOOOOOOOO!

[end flashback]

Lana: I mean, I can't prove she took out Seymour...but I never saw him again.

Lincoln: [desperate and scared] Lana, what am I gonna do?! It's almost 3:00! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!

Lana: Okay, okay. Take it easy. [thinks for a second] I know! Why don't you just think of everything she might want you to do and then do it?

Lincoln: Everything?

Lana: [despondently] Remember Seymour?

[Lincoln realizes he has no other choice and gives it a try; he polishes Lola's tiaras and beauty pageant trophies, cleans her side of the room and princess mobile, mows the lawn, and cleans the gutters]

Lincoln: Why does Lola care whether the gutters are clean?

Lana: I know. It's crazy, right?

[Lincoln has even repaved the driveway]

Lana: Lola does love a smooth driveway.

[Lincoln even makes topiary sculptures in Lola's honor to the point where he's too tired to keep doing these tasks]

Lincoln: [fatigued] Phew...I did it...

Lana: [sees the time] One minute to 3:00. Good luck, Lincoln. [prepares to leave]

Lincoln: Wait! Where are you going?

Lana: Somewhere safe. You know...just in case. [closes door and leaves]

[The time has come, and...Lola is not pleased...]

Lola: LINCOLN! IT'S 3 O'CLOCK! YOU'VE FAILED ME! [bursts in] YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE LOLA MAD! [sports her demonic grin and has flames of fury in her eyes]

Lincoln: [begging for mercy] I'm sorry! I would've done what you asked me, but I didn't hear you! [reveals the buds] I was wearing these. All I heard was the sound of waves. Or was it crickets? Doesn't matter! The thing is-

Lola: [goes from blind with rage to suddenly calm and merciful] I know you didn't hear me.

Lincoln: Huh?

[The other sisters sans Lisa pop in with satisfied smiles]

Lola: You're not as clever as you think, Lincoln Loud.

[Flashback to what Lola was trying to tell Lincoln yesterday]

Lola: [comes into Lincoln's room] Lincoln, is this too much mascara? Be honest. It's super, super, super important!

Lincoln: [having muted Lola out] Aah. I couldn't agree more!

Lola: [confused] Agree with what?

Lincoln: Right back at ya!

Lola: Okay, you're weird

[Lincoln's basketball shoots out of bounds and knocks over his wastebasket revealing the Noise-B-Gone package, which Lola notices, making her make that demonic grin she made in all those other flashbacks]

Lola: [slyly] So, Lincoln, are you the biggest dork in the world?

Lincoln: [unable to hear her] You can say that again!

Lola: And do you love the taste of dog poop?

Lincoln: You know it!

[Lola slyly smiles and tells the other sisters about the earbuds]

Lori: So, he's been tuning us out all day?

[Lola nods]

Laney: You mean he wasn't really listening to me? [Lola shakes her head]

Luna: No wonder he didn't help me restring my guitar.

Lucy: Or come to my séance.

Luan: And that's why he didn't laugh at my jokes.

Lori: [sarcastically] Yeah, that's why.

Lynn: [violently] I'm gonna go rip out those earbuds and-

Laney: Wait! There's gotta be a non-violent way to teach Lincoln a lesson.

Lola: Oh, there is!

[End flashback]

Lincoln: So, all that stuff you guys made me do today...that was all made up?

Lola: Yep.

Laney: Mine wasn't. I just really want to spend time with you.

Luna: You had it coming, little bro. You can't just ignore us. We're your family.

Laney: It's not nice to ignore people's problems.

Lori: And remember, you're not the only one who has to live in a noisy house. We all do.

Lincoln: True.

[Just when all seems to have been resolved, Lisa rushes in in a panicked state]

Lisa: LINCOLN! LINCOLN! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME WITH MY LAB EXPERIMENT!

Lincoln: [thinking she's in on it] Okay, Lisa, you can give it a rest. I know all about your little joke.

Lisa: What joke? [notices earbuds] I'm gonna need those. [takes them, puts them on, and hides under Lincoln's bed]

[There's a rumbling going on in Lisa and Lily's room and it causes a giant explosion that blows the entire roof off the house and land back on top the house, upside down. The explosion has also caused the other siblings to go deaf]

Lincoln: NOW I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING!