12. In Tents Debate

In Tents Debate

It was a bright afternoon in the Loud House, and all the kids were having a meeting in Lori and Leni's room.

Luan: And finally, the motion to ration shampoo due to chronic shortages passed. By a hair! [laughs as her siblings groan at her joke]

Lori: So, the minutes from our last meeting are approved. [bangs shoe on Leni's sewing table like a gavel] Any new business? [Lincoln raises his hand] Anyone? Anyone? No one?

Lincoln: [agitated] Lori!

Lori: I'm just messing with you. Lincoln has the floor.

Lincoln: As you all know, our annual trip to Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds is quickly approaching.

[The girls groan]

Lynn: That place is the worst. Bears always steal our food.

[Lily roars like a bear]

Leni: And we have to sleep on the hard ground!

Lola: And poop in the woods!

Lana: I like pooping in the woods.

Lisa: And the Dipterum Culicidae are the size of Mustelas Nivalis. [the others look at her confused with crickets chirping] The mosquitoes are the size of weasels.

Laney: And I'm still scratching from our last trip to the campground! I'm allergic to poison ivy.

Lincoln: [scared] And don't forget the scary hill people hiding in the trees! [imagines the hill people]

Lori: There's no such thing as hill people, Lincoln.

Lincoln: My point is, why can't we go someplace different like... [holds up two brochures] ...Aloha Beach or Dairyland Amusement Park?

[The tagline for Dairyland is "So UDDER-ly fun, you'll spill your milk!]

Lori: Because Mom and Dad will never go for it.

Lincoln: How do we know? We've never asked.

[The others seem to like the idea]

Lori: Fine. All in favor of Lincoln wasting his time and asking Mom and Dad?

[All the other girls raise their hands]

Lori: [sighs] Motion passes... [bangs shoe]

[Lincoln has just asked his parents]

Rita: Fine with us, sweetie.

Lynn Sr.: Sure, son. I don't see why not.

[Lincoln has told them the news and all except Lori are cheering]

Lori: So? Which is it? Aloha Beach or Dairyland?

Lincoln: Oh. They didn't say. I guess it's up to us decide. All in favor of Aloha Beach? [Lori, Leni, Lucy, Laney, Lola, and Lily raise their hands] One, two, three, four, five six...

Luna: [surprised Lucy voted for Aloha Beach] You wanna go to the beach, Lucy?

Lucy: Two words: Shark Attacks.

Lincoln: All in favor of Dairyland? [Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana, and Lisa raise their hands] One, two, three, four, five.

Leni: It's six against five! We win!

Lola: Wait a minute. Lincoln didn't vote.

Lori: Well, Lincoln, what's it gonna be?

Lincoln: It's so hard to choose. I really like the beach. [Lori, Leni, Lucy, Laney, Lola, and Lily cheer while Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana and Lisa complain] But I love Dairyland. [Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana, and Lisa cheer while Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lily complain] I don't know. I can't decide. I need more time. Can I have till the end of the day?

[The girls are indifferent on this]

Lori: Fine. You have until the end of the day to decide. [bangs shoe and adjourns meeting]

Later, Laney was walking towards the bathroom when she saw Lori, Leni, Lola, Lily, and Lucy inside watching Lincoln shower.

Lincoln: Wait. You guys aren't trying to get my vote for Aloha Beach, are you?

Lori, Lola, and Lucy: [sweetly] No.

Lily: No, no, no.

Leni: Wait! I thought we were!

[Lori, Lucy, and Lola sigh and Lily looks blankly at her stupidity]

Laney: Ahem! [they turn around to see Laney] Don't you think it's cheating to make Lincoln choose aloha beach?

Lori: But Laney, were not cheating. [closes the bathroom door] Were just convincing him that we should go to aloha beach. And besides, we all hate going to that grody camp.

Laney: Well that is true. And it would be nice to actually go somewhere peaceful...

Laney then fantasized about her stay at the beach. Completely relaxed, no bears chasing her, the sweet sound of the gentle roar of the waves. It was paradise.

Laney: [relaxed] With everything happening in my life. I havent had anytime to myself...

Lola: Laney? Laney! [snaps her fingers]

Leni: I think we broke her.

Lucy: Let me try. [went close to Laney's ear] Shark.

Laney: WHERE?! [snapped back to reality] How long was I out? I didn't miss the trip did I?

Lori: Nope. So what do you say? You in? [the sisters smile at her, Laney smiles back]

Laney: How can I help? [Cut to Laney wearing a hawaiian skirt with a flower crown and a coconut bra] I feel exposed...

Lola: Well, this is what all the girls at Aloha Beach are wearing.

Laney: Are you sure it-

Lori: Quiet! Lincoln's coming!

[Lincoln walks down the stairs]

Aloha Beach Girls: Aloha, Lincoln!

[Lori gives him a lei, Lucy gives him a tropical shirt, Lola gives him shades, Lily gives him a drink by delivering it on her head, and Leni gives him something extra]

Lincoln: What's that?

Leni: It's your homework. All done.

Lincoln: [nervous] Uh...you did it?

Lori: I did.

Lincoln: Phew...I mean, not that it matters.

Hours later, Laney was strumming a ukelele as the rest of the Aloha Beach girls have made some renovations to Lincoln's room.

Lori: Welcome to your own private beach. Where we have sun, sand, and surf. [turns on a heat lamp for sun, puts Lincoln's feet in a bucket of sand, and puts a surfboard on his bed]

[They put Lincoln on the board and he pretends to surf with Leni moving his arms and Lucy spraying water in his face]

Lucy: Don't forget screams.

[A shark fin pops from under Lincoln's bed and it reveals to be Lily pretending to be one as the other girls scream in a fake tone]

Lori: And if you vote Team Beach, the fun will literally never stop.

Leni: Yeah. If you need anything else, just give us a toot. [holds out a conch shell and blows into it]

[The end of the day]

Lynn: Alright, Lincoln, your time's up. What's it gonna be?

Lincoln: I know I said I'd decide by the end of the day, but I'm still torn. Can I have just one more day?

Lola: [starting to snap] Why, you lousy little-

Lori: [holds Lola back] Uh...not a problem. [chuckles] We understand.

[The girls agree and leave]

Lincoln; [to the viewers] Can you blame me? No matter what I decide, five of them are still gonna be mad at me. But this day has been amazing. So I figure, why not take advantage of it a little longer?

[Meanwhile, Team Beach is having a meeting]

Lori: Ugh. What are we going to do, you guys? We need to try harder to show him why the beach is better.

Laney: Maybe we should show him how fun the beach is?

Lola: [gets a sinister idea] Or...maybe we should show him why Dairyland is worse...

[They all huddle in agreement, Laney begins to worry]

[The next morning, Lincoln rushes to the bathroom]

Lincoln: Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee! Note to self: no more cocoa before bed! [stops] What's going on?

Lucy: Waiting in line for the bathroom. Better get used to standing in lines if you're gonna vote for Dairyland.

[The next morning, Lincoln rushes to the bathroom]

Lincoln: Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee! Note to self: no more cocoa before bed! [stops] What's going on?

Lucy: Waiting in line for the bathroom. Better get used to standing in lines if you're gonna vote for Dairyland.

[One by one, Team Beach takes their turn using the bathroom while Lincoln is struggling to hold it; finally he gets his turn, but there's a Dairyland style sign saying the toilet's out of order]

Lincoln: What? Sorry! This ride is temporarily closed? NOOOOOOOOO!

[Outside the bathroom]

Laney: Run the plan by me again.

Lola: Simple, we remind Lincoln that Dairyland is a terrible place to take a vacation.

Laney: I still think this is cheating.

Lori: Think of it this way Lanes, we're helping Lincoln make up his mind.

Laney: Umm...

Lucy: Just think about those white sandy beaches Laney...

[Laney fantasized about her on the beach again]

Lori: So are you in? Laney?...

Meanwhile, Lynn saw what her opposing team was doing and decided to level the playing field. Later, while Lincoln was having breakfast, Team Beach starts making some modifications to the I Screamer by pushing it too fast.

Lincoln: Guys! Guys! Too fast! Too fast, guys! Guys, too fast! I'M GONNA HURL!

[Team Beach gets out of the way and Lincoln pukes under the table and sees Team Tippy]

Lincoln: Word of advice. Blowing chunks does not make me want to vote for Dairyland!

[Lincoln finds a gift bag on his bed with a card on it]

Everything you'll need for fun in the sun. Enjoy. Team Beach.

Lincoln: [finds a beach ball, a pair of sandals, and something he'll definitely need] SPF 800 sunscreen. Perfect for my fair skin. [rubs it all over the uncovered parts of his body] Hm. Tingly.

[However, this "sunscreen" causes Lincoln to get a severe sunburn and scream in pain]

Lincoln: News flash! Giving me a sunburn is not the way to win my vote!

Lori: Huh? [checks the sunscreen bottle, peels the label and finds it's a fake] Sodium Hydrochlorite? Avoid contact with skin? This has Lisa written all over it!

Leni: So that's how you spell Lisa?

[Lincoln has cooled his burn down a little bit and sees Tippy again]

Lincoln: Tippy!

[But this time, Tippy looks like a grotesque mad cow]

Lincoln: Mad cow! Mad cow!

[Tippy chases Lincoln around the house until he escapes her]

Lori: Well?

[It turns out Lucy was in this version of the Tippy costume]

Lucy: Worked like a charm. Aloha Beach is in our future.

[Enter Team Tippy]

Luan: We knew it! You've been sabotaging us!

Lori: We sabotaged you? You put sand in Lincoln's underpants!

Lana: But you started it with the line for the bathroom!

Once again Laney was caught in a heated argument with her sisters. She thought to herself that it she shouldn't go through all this just for a relaxing trip to the beach. Before she could act as the voice of reason, Lincoln enters the kitchen in agony and calling for help on the conch and bell, but no one is coming for him because they're too busy arguing.

Lincoln: Can I get an ice pack? Some bandages? A hug? Where is everybody?

[The girls are still arguing and Lincoln comes down to get their attention with the instruments]

Lincoln: I'm blowing the conch, I'm ringing the bell, and yet, nothing!

Lynn: YOU! This is all your fault!

Lori: Yeah! If you had just made up your mind, none of this would have happened!

Laney: Lincoln? Have you been taking advantage of us?

Lincoln: Well...

[The girls all start blaming Lincoln for their warfare on each other]

Lincoln: Great. I was afraid of making five of my sisters mad at me. But now all eleven are! There's only one thing left to do.

[Lincoln has just asked his parents]

Rita: Fine with us, sweetie.

Lynn Sr.: Sure, son. I don't see why not.

[The girls are still arguing]

Lincoln: [bangs his shoe on the counter] Quiet down! I've made my decision! We're going to...Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds!

Sisters: WHAT?!

Lynn: But what about the bears?!

Lisa: And the Dipterum Culicidae bites?

Laney: And the Poison Ivy?

Lola: And the pooping in the woods?

Lana: That's still the only reason I'd go.

Lori: Ugh. This is literally going to be the worst vacation ever.

[Later at the campgrounds]

Lori: This is literally the best vacation ever!

[The sisters agree; they're at Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds and having the time of their lives]

Luna: Why were we so against this place? [rings cowbell]

And so, Lincoln served his sisters during the vacation to make up for his taking advantage on his vote, serving them up some drinks, puffing air mattresses, distracting the mosquitoes and getting bitten by them while the girls are enjoying a nice nature hike, and fending off the bears eating their food.

Lincoln: [gathering firewood] It may not be much of a vacation for me, but it's worth it if all eleven of my sisters are happy. I'd say everything turned out A-okay.

[At that moment, some voices are cackling and some eyes are watching him; it's none other than...]

Lincoln: [screams and runs for his life] THE HILL PEOPLE HIDING IN THE TREES!