The tea table

This one is not that nice to read, but it's in my thing so. Yea.

Uh... read at your own risk? I guess.

The wind blew through the big windows. I glanced at them, sipping on my tea. The windows were extremely clean, unlike the windows I see usually. Light flooded in through them, just bright enough to signify that it was the start of another day. I sighed in contentment, biting on my biscuit.

I was with someone again. This time, it was a rather okay beauty. She wasn't anything too beautiful, nor was she something you could easily ignore.

She took a sip of her cup of tea, seeming to enjoy the tea much more than I did. Perhaps there was something about tea I didn't know about, that prompted her to show such a satisfied expression.

I looked around the hall, slightly curious. The last time I had been here I had focused a lot on the person in front of me, not caring for my surroundings in the slightest. Now that I look carefully, it really was a brilliant hall.

It stretched further than my eyes could see, fading into the natural light streaming in from the windows. The curtains that decorated the windows seemed to exude beauty, a deep brocade red with gold trimmings.

It looked really heavy, and I briefly pondered on how heavy it must have been to install. The floor was a lovely marble, carpeted for comfort.

"Satisfied with the surroundings?" The lady in front of me spoke, opening her eyes to look at me finally. Now that I look into her eyes, I feel somewhat comforted, as if those ordinary brown orbs were calming me down. I nodded slightly.

This wasn't the first time I had been here, definitely not. Even on my first memory of this place, I had the vague feeling I had been here before, and that it wasn't something new or exciting. Yet, this place always interested me in some way.

"You know, I've always detested the concept of feelings. Why do they exist?" The lady in front of me spoke again. She had a cookie in her hand and was delicately biting into it. I looked at the plate of cookies, picking up one as well. They always had something to tell me.

"Feelings get in the way of a lot of things. There's barely any room to breathe when they are considered. People who love, hate, fear, cry… they seem to like this sort of thing a lot. I don't understand it. Why waste time on these feelings when they aren't going to help in the long term?"

I took a sip of tea, nodding along to her conversation. Tasting the tea carefully, I could tell it was prepared with a lot of thought, which made me savour it all the more.

"And yet… those exact feelings plague me in a way which doesn't sit right with me. When I feel sad, I feel sad, and when I feel angry, I get angry. Why is it like this? I wish there were a way to turn them off, to stop them from interfering with my life."

The biscuits had some sort of tasty filling. It may or may not be chocolate, but I couldn't tell.

"Sometimes, I envy those people that feel with all their heart. Why is it that they can love in such a hard way, cry in such a hard way, while I'm stuck with feelings that don't feel like feelings? I wish to feel like them.

Perhaps, it would allow me to understand why emotions are so important and why people love to keep them by their side."

Nevertheless, not knowing what is inside the biscuit did not stop me from eating them. Of course, like a proper lady, I ate them delicately, and definitely not because I was acting in any shape, way, or form.

"Perhaps it was a bad idea to hide those emotions away all those years ago. Now, I don't even know how others feel anymore. I can't do anything like them because I don't feel properly, and I can't anything about it because I don't know how to fix it."

My hand paused. In a sense, I understood why she was so fixated with this emotion thing. After all, I'm the one who messed everything up for us. But biscuit time was important, and messy stuff could wait for later.

"Why can't I feel emotions properly? I just want to be like other people. I want to feel with all my heart, I want to cry on someone's shoulder, I want to laugh and be free and happy without any inhibitions at all.

I want to feel like a person, not with these muted feelings of sadness and happiness to the point I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. Please, please help me.

All I do is act nowadays. I don't feel the same amount of feeling as others so I don't even know how I should act anymore. I just exaggerate everything I do now because I don't know how to act anymore. How do I feel proper happiness? And sadness? And laughter?"

I can't do anything but sit there and listen to her problems. It was usually someone else giving me advice in this room, but perhaps I should be the one giving advice this time.

But I can't do anything because I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm in the same spot as her, completely confused, without any idea what I'm doing.

The tea tastes wonderful, even though there is a person crying in front of me. The taste of cookies doesn't change when you're listening to someone cry, apparently.

She stopped crying after a while. Maybe she was tired of crying. She just looked at her hands and laughed to herself. I wanted to stand up and go to comfort her, but I was stuck to the chair.

The only thing I could do was to nudge her cup towards her, in hopes that she would drink up and refill her water supplies.

"I can't even cry without feeling a lack of emotion. Where did my sadness go? Its almost as if it doesn't exist, and I'm just making the emotion up. There's just a void where the emotions go, as if it were torn away forcefully. Or maybe it just rotted away."

She took a cookie, munching on it furiously. The cookie stained her hand with dark stains, and I offered a handkerchief to her. She took it and smiled, wiping her hands of the stains.

It left a stain on the handkerchief. Perhaps that was what the hole in her heart looked her, a dark stain on the white cloth.

She stood up, brushing the crumbs off her clothes. With a bitter smile, she turned around, facing the light. She spread her arms out open, breathing in the air. I unconsciously breathed in as well, catching the scent of freshly baked cookies and the fragrance of tea.

"Well, I have to go. Thanks for listening to me. I hope your days are filled with smiles and happiness." Waving, she smiled bitterly. "Well, bye for now!"

She let out a short laugh, and the world went black once again. If I try to reach out now, I will find my reality once again. It was a good one… bye bye lady, may we meet again.