Day 7

We wait and wait and gauge each other through our eyes, who's gonna break first? Who's gonna say it?

How come we both know the problem and still don't talk about it?

Making the problem bigger than it really is, letting it get the better of ourselves on our best days, ruining the love we had, let's just talk. Please.

That'll probably be a good thing right? I know one good thing won't redeem all of me, won't cancel out all the bad things. But what did I do so bad? I haven't raped anybody, never killed anyone not even attempted it, yeah thought of suicide sometimes, okay okay, all the time. But what did I do so wrong to feel so bad all the time? What am I atoning for? which depth of hell am I recovering from? I want to cry, but I don't know what for. For a nobody's death maybe? Let's cry because someone died and doesn't have anyone to cry for him. Let's use them as an excuse. They are dead.

"𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙"

Now, on a particularly unrelated note, do you all feel like this when you're awake at 3 am or is it just me?

You try to form sentences to describe what you feel but the words you know don't feel enough, you feel you're stuck in a loop and constantly making yourself believe it's a happy one.

I feel lost.

Take my hand

Make me do something

So that I feel something

A stimulus response

A proof to myself

That I am also living life

Not just reacting to it....

-sidhant