Hyung, why do you think it's impossible?
'I must be a horrible person for thinking that way about them.' I lowered my head. 'Gosh, I must be mad. They think of me as their Hyung while I... '
I sighed and raised my head only to find Seojin's face right in front of me, only an inch apart and he asked,
"What's wrong?"
"Ahh." I shuttered back in fright. Why was he so close? Our lips almost touched.
"Did I scare you? My bad." He said but he didn't look like he was apologetic at all. At least, not with that smile.
"Lorenzo, Hyung will fall if you scare him like that." He said. "You have to approach him slowly."
"Teach me what I don't know, Matteo." Seojin folded his arms.
I watched them and sighed, calming my rapidly beating heart.
'Come to think of it, the name they gave me, is actually a combination of both their names. It's so smart of them.' I thought. "So, do you two go to school?" I asked and they both turned to me.
"We just finished." Seojin answered with a smile.
"Wow, already? Aren't you supposed to be 25?"
"Yes. We ended quickly." Seojun answered.
Well, figures. They were homeschooled as kids but they were still exceptionally smart.
'Beauty and brains, they got it all.' I thought, smiling subconsciously. "So, what about you...um, girlfriends?" I asked and they both looked at me strangely. "You're both so handsome. I'm sure there are a lot of girls who try to get together with you. You must be dating a very pretty girl, right? Life must be going great."
"Hyung called us handsome." Seojin suddenly said, disregarding every other word.
"It makes me happy to hear you say so, Hyung. But I'd still like to be called adorable."
I stared at them in disbelief. Did they not get what I said? Or, did they not want to tell me about their girlfriends?
Well, it didn't matter.
Though I said this, my heart felt hurt. It wasn't like we were set in stone as each other's most important person and I knew that fact, yet... Knowing it was true was so tiring to deal with.
"Hyung," Seojun called and I looked up after hiding the hurt that would've been evident in my eyes. "There's no girl."
"What?" I got confused.
"We aren't dating anyone." Seojin answered. "We're single."
"What? What do you mean you're not dating anyone? It's impossible." I suddenly let go of my emotions and as soon as I realized it, I mellowed down and apologized. "I... I'm sorry. I got too excited for a moment there."
"Hyung, why do you think it's impossible?" Seojun asked, drawing nearer to me and I moved back but I was already at the end of the couch. "Hm?"
"Well," I averted my gaze. "It's just how it's supposed to be. Besides, you two are too good-looking to be single."
"I appreciate the compliment, Hyung but I'm single."
"Same here." Seojin added which shocked me.
"I don't understand. Why?"
I sounded rather eager but I was curious. There had to be a reason why these two, who were extremely handsome and irresistible, were single.
"We were waiting." Seojin answered quite vaguely.
"Huh?"
"I didn't see the right person." Seojin said. "All the people who approached weren't it."
"Weren't it?" I shook my head. I was getting even more confused. "What does that mean? Is it that you didn't see someone you were interested in or...?"
"They weren't it."
We all fell into a dead silence and I looked away.
Whatever that meant, in a simple form, I decided to interpret it as them not seeing the right girl yet.
They were still young so they would eventually come to find someone.
"What about you, Hyung? Do you have a partner?" They asked and showed great interest in what I would say.
It was as if they were expecting something positive but I shook my head.
"No. I don't. I don't have a partner." I sadly said.
Unlike them, I have no luck with guys and even when I find someone, I get too scared by the memories of that time in the past that I can't even have sex with anyone. I trembled in fear and scared them off. So, I gave up.
My life's messed up.
"Anyway, I wish for a happy life for both... Woah!" I exclaimed, frightened once more by their sudden presence in front of me, and fell back.
But luckily, Seojun caught me before my head hit the ground and pulled me back. I fell on him and he said,
"What's on your mind, Hyung? Why are you absentminded?"
My heart was beating irregularly and I was scared he would hear it. I wanted to get off him right away but my hands fell on his chest and I was struck by how soft they were.
I saw how fit he was through the shirt he was wearing so I tried not to look and lose myself but now, my hands were on his chest. They were absolutely amazing to the touch and I subconsciously gripped hard.
"Haha, Hyung, that tickles. Do you like my chest?" He asked and I flinched, blinked twice, and looked up to see both staring at me in wonder. Reality struck me and I came back to my senses. I quickly took my hands off and started apologizing.
"I'm sorry. I... That was an accident. No, I don't like your chest. I don't like your chest. I like breasts instead. I mean, I'm sorry." I frantically said and got down from the couch.
It was like the world would crash down on me at any moment. I was convinced that I had given myself away and they would be weary of me. I wanted them to stay away from me but I didn't want to face their questioning.
"I... I'll go to sleep now." I said, bowed my head, and picked up my laptop. "Goodnight."
They both watched in confusion as I hurried out of there. I was scared.
Dammit, I couldn't just make up my mind. Did I want them to hate me or not?
If I wanted them to hate me, it wasn't that hard. All I needed to do was show the lewd side of me and show them that I liked men. They would immediately get disgusted by me and throw me out.
It wasn't that hard.
But... I secretly didn't want them to hate me. I didn't want them to hate me at all.
If there was a way to secretly get out of their lives then I would do it.
'I... I have to get out of here.' I thought to myself, resting my back on the door after closing it.
I hugged my laptop to myself, enduring my strongly beating heart.
"I don't want to ruin you... Any of you."