Trials of Hircine XI

I watch as the cheese rolls off the table and I see Pelagius doing his best to hold in his urge to laugh.

"I... *Sigh*... Okay..." I say, giving up on trying to reason with a Deadric Prince, I bend down to pick up the cheese wheel only to see it has Sheogorath's face seared into the side of it.

"Ah, you're such a good boy, Fido! How about this... I'm a bit busy enjoying my vacation with Pelly, so why don't you go back to ol' Hircine? And we can play fetch some other time?" The cheese wheel asks me as I pick it up.

"Um... Sure? Sounds like a bloody good time." I say to the cheese wheel before setting it back on the table.

"Ha! I like you, Fido! Be sure to visit me again before I change my mind and want to use your entrails as a jump rope!" Sheogorath tells me before going slightly demented with his threat.

"Ah! Before you go! Here take this!" The non-dairy based Sheogorath shouts, slapping me on the shoulder with a burning sensation as the place he slapped me begins to have the image of a cheese wheel seared into my left bicep.

"There, you now have my blessing... Or is it my curse? No, matter, everyone loves CHEESE!!! See you around, Fido, gotta get back to my dinner party, ta ta!" Sheogorath says before flicking my nose and causing my vision to go white as I feel the same pulling sensation snap me back to Solitude and the Pelagius Wing.

"What... The... Fuck... Just... Happened..." I say to myself while trying to recover from the whirlwind of madness that is Sheogorath.

"And what did he mean by giving me a blessing or a curse?" I question before looking at my status effects screen.

[Touch of Madness: You have gotten the attention of the Deadric Prince of Madness. Unusual phenomena will begin occuring around you and even modifying quests to make them more entertaining for the Lord of Madness, Sheogorath. Know this, he is always watching and judging you, so make him laugh, or you'll be the one crying.]

"What the fuck does this-" I start to say as I read the description for the weird status effect when I see a wheel of cheese roll down the stairs with Sheogorath's face seared into the sides of it as it starts to spin making it look like the cheese is talking.

"Hello? Hello~? Is this bloody thing on?! Ooh, there you are, Fido. Looks like you're taking a little test for ol' Deer Heart, but I find the rules boring so I'm going to change them! Ha! Isn't that wonderful?! Have fun, and do try and survive! See, Pelly, I've brought dinner and a show, you better start pulling your weight or-... Oops, left the cheese on, ta ta! *click*" The cheese wheel stops spinning and falls to the ground like a quarter...

"Da fuq?" I barely manage to say before a terrible notification pops up making my stomach drop.

[Quest Parameters Reset... Waves 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, will spawn in a Battle Royale format in 5 hours...]

After reading the notification I sigh and kick the cheese wheel as I leave the palace shouting, "FUCKING DEADRIC SHENANIGANS!!!" at the top of my lungs, before going off to try and think of the best use of my quickly dwindling time before all Hell breaks loose.

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I go over all my plans and traps for a final time as I watch the timer slowly ticking down, wishing to wring Sheogorath's neck, I take a bite of cheese in defiance as I stand atop a tower in the center of the city as the dead of night leaves the town in an eerie, ghostly state...

Especially in the wake of my past battles...

Blood, guts, and bodies strewn across the city and a smell is already starting to saturate the place in an aura of death.

"Well... That madman had something right... Everyone loves cheese... Shit... I'm wanting fried mozzarella sticks now..." I mumble as I see several figures scaling the city walls as my senses reach their peak as night covers this copy of Solitude.

I can't make them out completely from this distance, but the figures are definitely larger than humans... I spot two groups at first, one group of two large creatures scaling the from around the Blue Palace, the second group seems to be made of five, relatively smaller creatures descending at great speed from down the mountainous area of Solitude, and lastly I see the main gate be shattered to its hinges as a third group made of three large and lumbering figures barrel through it and into the main street.

I feel my skin start to itch as I get the urge to change into my beast form, but I resist it since I want to do my best without it.

With the gate being the loudest and most destructive entrance of the three groups, I decide to go there first.

I descend the tower, Murder's Oath style, by dropping down lip by lip on the outside of the tower just in case the hunters could sense my magic, and I happened to lack a cartful of hay or straw to land in.

Once down the tower I start making my way to the main gate entrance where I see three gigantic werebears, charging through various stalls searching for food, or perhaps me...

They seem to be roaring at one another in anger as their search seems fruitless, as whatever stalls they tear into are empty.

A smaller werebear growls at the largest werebear before the largest werebear swipes a paw at the smaller werebear causing the smaller werebear to jump back in frighten. Driving the group to separate.

"Hmmm... Seems like the three bears family are about to have a domestic... Should I go after Papa, Mama, or Baby Bear?... Hold on... Am I about to kill a childhood story? Shit... I don't know how I feel about this..." I mumble to myself as I decide to go after Papa Bear first.