Evangelize

"Get your things, and get out." Power Girl gruffly commanded when we got home from the meeting.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Yes." she confirmed.

"You know how to reach me if you need anything." I told her as I pulled my effects from the apartment with my mind.

It's a fallacy to believe that the quality of a romantic relationship is determined by the devastation of the potential break up. That's not a quality of love at all, it's a quality of obsession. And damn would I miss the quality of this relationship though it was only brief and balls deep.

A part of me wanted to just go to China and get the Politburo Standing Committee to accept me as their god and force the worship of me on the rest of the country, but that would be too much like my standard MO. My top down authoritarianism works, but damn does it keep a guy busy. As such when I left the ultra lux apartment building I now own I took a stroll down the street. It didn't take long to find a man with his ear to the ground.

Literally in this case, as the drunk bastard baked in the afternoon sun belly down on the sidewalk.

"Get up ya fucking waste of biomass!" I shouted as I kicked the guy in the ribs, "We got evangelizing to do."

"Fuck off, ya fuck!" he shouted at me, then rubbed the bleariness from his eyes and gawked at me.

"Yer the biggest fucking KISS impersonator I've ever fucking seen in my 'ol fucking life." the man declared, "Doesn't mean ya shouldn't fuck right off."

"Listen up fucknuts." I barked at the man, "There's a great big fucking hole in you, that we are going to fill up with me."

"Holy fuck!" he shouted as he scrambled to get away from me, "Gene Simmons's bigger cousin is going to rape me! Help! Rape!"

"You dumb fucking shit." I slapped the man both verbally and physically, "No one wants to see a rape, that's why you shout fight, or fire."

"Fight! Fire! Just someone come save me before my ass gets taken for some colon spelunking!" the man screamed, "Oh God deliver me from the French third base! I'll give up the bottle, and the meth, and whores! Just save me from getting my brown belt!"

"Stand up, asseyes." I told the man.

"I'd rather not, if we're being honest. If I'm getting coco jambo'd it won't be a fuckin Swedish bike race." the man denied.

"I'm not here to teach you ass jazz, dork." I shook my head, "I'm here to ask you if you've accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?"

"Yer not going booty blast me?" the man looked up at me with eyes full of hope.

"Not even a little bit." I denied it completely.

"Well then fuck right off so I can get back to my hunt for liquor, meth, and whores." the man shouted.

"You're a resilient man, Richie. With focus and will. You know what you want and you get after it." I told the man, "That's why you are going to be my disciple. And by that I mean go out and get people worshiping me."

"And why the fuck would I do that?" Richie demanded.

I pulled out a handle of whisky.

"You should of started with that ya great big fucking fool, saved me the cornhole scare." Richie spat, "Keep the liquor coming and I'm yer guy."

"I figured." I chuckled.

___________________________________________________________________________

While Batman and the others were busy running down leads on potential League Members, I was busy convincing homeless people to train as priests and priestesses in my new religion. Is it wrong to prey on those with substance abuse and mental health problems? Absolutely, but not a single one of them complained when they rallied enough people for my first miracle healing session.

Basically I threw Richie into a KD unit along with all the materials needed to make an adult human body. A worn out street person in his forties went in and a Captain America knock off in a bespoke black suit came out.

"Holy fuck!" Richie declared as he looked down at himself, "The girls are going to have to pay me now, and… my god… you turned my wang into a wang long! Look everyone! My cock is fucking huge!"

Richie pulled his pants down and helicoptered his new flesh flute, and the crowd of hobos cheered when I called, "Next!"

____________________________________________________________________________

Arthur Curry looked up from his conversation with a lobster in the tank at his favorite bar and restaurant on the docks of Bar Harbor, Maine to see a pack of rough dockworkers getting very excited about their conversation with a man in black.

"Jude? Jude, is that you?" Arthur questioned upon recognizing some of the man's features.

"Oh hey, Arthur. Come over here, you'll want to hear about this too." Jude invited as he waived to the blonde lighthouse keeper.

Arthur stumbled his way across the bar and looked at the man he'd gone to school with since kindergarten. Jude looked better than he had in his entire life. Lean and athletic, clear complexion and energized.

"What happened to you, Jude?" Arthur slurred.

"I met some people when I was down in Metropolis for my sister's wedding. Good people, Arthur." Jude smiled, "They helped me turn my life around, and they can help all of you too. You can all be the best versions of yourselves. You just have to put your faith in Mark."

"In Mark?" Arthur swayed in confusion.

"This idiot joined a cult worshiping a dude named Mark." laughed the leader of the dockworkers, a black man who stood a head taller than anyone else in the bar.

"Markus Sebastian Greyson!" Jude growled, "Is a god from another dimension, a god who defeated the alien invaders that caused so much destruction, and who's angels not only defended the Earth, but helped rebuild it like nothing ever happened."

"That's cause nothing actually happened." The tall man scoffed, "That whole invasion was all fake news. Just another scam by the government and their media lapdogs to scare us into giving up more of our freedom so that we can suck on the big dependency dick of Uncle Sam. If all that shit got destroyed, how'd they build it all back so fast, hmmm? Where is the evidence that it actually happened? Gone. Like it was never there and the whole invasion was shot in some Hollywood studio."

"It is all restored because of our Lord and Savior, Mark, and his angels, the Klyntar." Jude snapped back at the man with surprising heat for the formerly timid man.

"You aren't going to convince us to go send our money to whatever pyramid scheme you got yourself into, Jude." The man laughed, "They own your ass, not ours."

"You won't be laughing after I have built the new mission right here in Bar Harbor, and everyone else is getting to experience the joy of a personal connection to Mark."

"Yeah, good luck grifting little old ladies with your bullshit. We're done." the man spat and turned to leave, but his eyes widened at the sight of a group of men entering the bar in chitinous purple armor with brutal looking swords drawn.

"We're here for Arthur Curry." one announced, "But the rest of you surfacer scum are a bonus."

"Put your weapons down." Jude demanded as he walked up, "You aren't going to hurt anyone here."

Arthur couldn't believe the change in the man. Far more than the physical, Jude had always been an anxious and shy mess of a person. He would never have the capacity to stand up to a gang of armed strangers.

"You'll do fine for the first." the lead man growled and swung his jagged curved blade at Jude.

People gasped and screamed, but the blade never struck home, instead the man found his wrist locked in Jude's grip as his black suit rippled and Jude's form grew into an enormous pitch black mountain of muscles.

"Surrender." Mega-Jude demanded.

"Kill this thing!" The man caught in Mega-Jude's grasp shouted before a tendril shot from Jude's arm and speared the armored man in his exposed neck.

The rest of the men showed that their purple blades were actually laser guns and began firing at Mega-Jude, whose arms formed shields that projected energy fields around the attackers, preventing them from shooting anyone but each other.

Mega-Jude forced them into a smaller and smaller field and out the front door before he dropped the containment and beat the ever loving shit out of the men in purple. Arthur moved to follow them outside, but a strong hand grabbed his wrist.

"Do not go. It isn't safe." the hooded woman told him.

"That's why I am going." Arthur stated as he twisted his wrist out of her hold.

"Those men, we don't know how many of them there are, or if that thing is safe to be around." she insisted.

"Jude?" Arthur chuckled, "He's harmless."

A scream cut short outside implied otherwise.

"What the hell happened to him down in Metropolis?" Arthur muttered, "And how do I get me some of that?"