Prologue 1- Isekai Journey?

-EARTH-

Sitting at some random alley reduced to drinking dumpster beer, was I, some sad old man who wasted his life way too much... I was not only a virgin up to this point, but I lost way too many opportunities because I was not ambitious or smart enough to see them right in front of me! I would do anything for a redo, ANYTHING! Alas, life didn't work like that.

Maybe if I wasn't such a pushover or a simp, things could have worked out… I was too naive and got walked on and betrayed more times than I would ever admit. Life is cruel and so are people… I should have known… But before I realized I was seated here in ragged clothes with white hairs, drinking unfinished beer from the trash, or maybe it's just piss… I don't know or care anymore at this point... I'll die in not too much time from now anyway… just another loser time will completely erase without leaving a trace…

Talking about piss, I need to let some out… if I remember correctly there was a river nearby… why not? If I'm going to be miserable might as well piss some people off before I go. Hahahaha! When did I become such an asshole? Or maybe was I always like this? Who knows…

Getting up from the shady dark alley on another night like any other, I passed a bunch of trash cans and some other homeless people, some better, some worse than me.

Once I got to the side of the river, I unzipped and got to business… what has my life become?! Peeing in a river so I feel a little alive… Is this who I am now?… how pathetic, but I brought this upon myself for being so weak and stupid…

How I would love to punch my younger self, even so, is there any real use in being mad? No, but I need to let my frustrations out somehow, and I can't exactly drink them away unless I resort to stealing, and even then, who would a weak geriatric old sh*t like me steal from?! Babies? Other geriatric old sh*ts? Doesn't sound all that viable.

Man, it would sure have been nice to be a protagonist in one of those super unrealistic novels I loved when I was younger… just going back in time to the perfect moment or being sent to another world where all the women love me... How dumb! I should have grown up a long time ago, but then again, I guess dreaming is a part of us, it feeds our desires and helps mold us into who we are… or something like that, I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere.

As I was finishing my piss, this was a long one…

Strong lights shone on me, blinding me, and then a truck came right at me, running me over and taking whatever little time I had left…

I would like to be mad, but I'm not… my time was already coming anyway… I messed up a lot and I died just that… a f*ck up…

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-VOID-

Now it was just me and my good old friend… hello darkness… I hope you missed me… cause I could have gone the rest of my existence without this! But in the end, what is more, fitting than a lonely loser dying to find more loneliness on the other side… thanks, as if I didn't have enough of that before…

Things were that way for who knows how long… honestly just destroy me at this point, why keep me in eternal darkness? A punishment for my sins? Maybe… I wasn't sure and I probably never would be… I, however, did experience something that was completely out of my expectations.

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-MIBRAN-

It seems young me was onto something for once… as I woke up in another world… a fantasy one with swords and magic… I was actually reincarnated and not just as anyone, but as the trope demanded I was a hero in this new world… so I grew up being raised by two men who apparently found me in the woods… So, it was time to build a harem and save the world, right? Wrong!

As if to spit on my very existence, the universe in its cruelty sent me to a world… of only men… in other words, women didn't exist in this world… crumbling down before I could even begin to start building it… my dream was a failure of my luck…

Anyway, I would still make the most of my new life and find a solution to the problem, that was what I thought…

Unfortunately, nothing worked as it seemed this reality rejected the very concept of a woman, I couldn't even draw one or build a statue or anything… the universe itself didn't allow it… Well, at least since this world worked on video game-like logic, I managed to get pretty strong through farming.

Continuing my search for ways to find a woman, I eventually started my journey as a hero and was put in a party with 2 femboys, 2 burly men, and an average young man, all of them from different species and hitting on me constantly, but I was not interested in the slightest!

Things got rough really soon as I had to kill not 1 but 72 Demon Kings, each one more powerful than the last one… Why?! Who let this happen?! I was furious but I didn't let that get to me.

Useless! All useless! That's the conclusion I reached after my companions all died in the fight against the first Demon King's last general. Not even the first Demon King himself! Just the first Demon King's last general… truly useless.

They acted like they made some noble sacrifice that saved everything!… there are literally still 72 Demon Kings to kill! Don't act all heroic if you didn't really do anything.

My journey was intense and I almost died several times, almost every other day. Alone! After thousands of years only surviving due to magic, I slayed all the 72 Demon Kings and their generals, through the power of grinding… a lot of people died because I was busy getting stronger, but a lot more would have died, so who is the real villain? Me for not sacrificing the future of the world for some randoms or the Demon Kings for putting those people in danger.

The victory against the last Demon King gave me the title, The Hero Of All Men.

[The Hero Of All Men: A title given to the first Hero to ever defeat every one of the 72 Demon Kings on their own. Recognized as one so dignified you are the most likely candidate.

Effect: Absolute Lust Affinity Potential]

It was one of my only 2 titles, the other one being Reincarnated Otherwolder.

[Reincarnated Otherwolder: As someone living a whole new life and from a different world, you gain a bonus to your growth and potential to increase your chances of survival.

Effect: Increased growth and potential.]

Though this new title didn't seem to do or change anything, talking about some next candidate, for what? I didn't know or stop to care.

After that, I managed to convince the Gods to do me a favor and give me a regression! So I could go back and change my first life for the best, not only do women exist there, but I was not about to die a virgin a second time! This third life… it would be the real deal! If I fail again then I was never meant to succeed! It will be my all-or-nothing life!

The Gods who were also all men, warned me that messing with time didn't usually end well, and urged me to reconsider but my mind was made. If I was going back to earth might as well correct my life there from the beginning…

Well, not the actual beginning since I don't need to be a baby for a third time, but the beginning of my big regrets… it goes pretty deep back, and according to the Gods, my memories of this world would be blurry and my skills, and magic revoked, leaving only my titles.

No matter what… those were things I was willing to sacrifice for a new beginning even on the off chance something goes wrong.

Using my one-time gift from the Gods, I went back from the land of only men, to a good old earth, still as much of a sh*thole as I remember it to be.