Chapter seven

Ever since that night, a lot in Eren and Irem’s relationship has changed. Eren’s behaviour became more unpredictable, he continued to distance himself with time. Irem developed fear for the man that used to be her safe haven, often walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting him like she did that night. The strain in their relationship began to take a toll on Irem's, she felt anxious and on edge, always anticipating the next outburst or the next time he would shut her out. Irem tried to hold on, hoping that things would go back to how they were, but deep down, she knew that something had changed irreparably. She didn't know if they could ever find their way back to each other, or if he even loved her anymore. His behaviour escalated to be more violent with time, making that slap seem insignificant to the bruises he has now caused.

Irem stayed, she had a baby on the way, she wanted to prioritise him. She wanted her son to have a family, but now that he’s born and about ten years old, things aren’t getting better. She was desperate to hold a family together, a broken one.

Irem was sorry for what she said that night, she was regretful. She wanted her husband back, the Eren that loved her. She loved him, she tried to please him but he remained drifting like a stranger that she was afraid to cross. Her feelings for him remained stubborn, refusing to let go despite everything. She needed him, not just for the sake of their family or to provide a living but because he was like a part of her. She craved his affection, his intimacy, and his efforts to be a present and loving father to their son, Miran. But all she received were empty apologies. It was a repeated cycle of hurtful behaviour followed by hollow promises, leaving her empty and hopeless. She felt helpless, like an idiot for believing him. She wondered if he even realised the pain he was causing, if he truly understood the toll his actions were taking on her. She yearned for him to see the hurt in her eyes, to recognise the longing in her heart.

Miran wasn’t a happy child at his home, he loved his mother who spent time with him and helped him with his homework. She often took him out to the park, she’d always make him feed the swans at the lake and the birds. She hosted his birthdays with his friends, she always let him go over at his friends’ house. When Eren wasn’t around, she even let him invite his best friend, Emin, for some time around their house. But what made him unhappy was his father, he was terrified of that man. He was often troubled hearing the noises, the shouting and the heated arguments between his parents. He was broken to see how his dad always made his mother cry, especially during the night. His father almost always ignored him, he didn’t get to see his father that often as he never comes home unless it’s nighttime.

He resented his father from a very young age, viewing him as an enemy against him and his mother. He clung to his mother's love and support, Miran had a strong sense of loyalty towards her. He wanted to protect her, to confront his father and end his mother’s suffering. But he recognised that he was too young, too small to make a change. All he could do was wipe his mother’s tears from time to time and try to make her feel better.

Irem was sitting on the dining table with her son, who struggled to complete his maths homework as usual. “Miran, focus. Do your work, is there anything you want to ask?”

“Yeah, why were you crying again last night? Did dad start breaking the glasses again? The noise was like something break-”

“I meant ask anything about the work.”

“I hate my dad, why can't it just be the two of us? I don't want him or anyone else.”

“Miran it's not the time. You shouldn't speak like that about your father.” She scolded, trying to divert the conversation.

There was a noise from the doorway, Eren returned home and unlocked the door. He came staggering inside, clearly drunk with a half empty bottle in his hand. He couldn’t keep his stance straight, suggesting that’s not the only bottle he’s had on his way here.

Irem sighed as she glanced at the clock, “Oh someone's early, was the brothel fully booked for today? Or was there no one else drunk enough to fight you on the street?”

Eren's bloodshot eyes met Irem's tired gaze, but he didn't respond to her sarcastic remarks.

“Mummy, what’s a brothel?” Miran asked.

She realised her mistake in mentioning that in front of her young son, “It’s a place where drunkards like him get their drinks, it’s nothing for you to be worried about. Can you go to your room? Please.”

“But it’s still early, you said we can watch TV before going to bed.”

“Miran, please -” Irem was cut off by Eren’s arms going slumping around her. “I’m sorry, very sorry.” He mumbled, more out of habit rather than an intended apology.

“You’re not sorry, you never are. Can you not do this in front of our son?” She said in frustration, her voice louder like she was almost shouting.

Eren ignores her as he begins to kiss her neck, still heavily drunk but it’s not like he cared about what he was doing or about Miran’s presence. Irem tried to slightly shove him off her while Miran was still watching. “Miran, just go. I’m sorry about the TV but please go.”

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked as he watched his dad’s advances, he was both concerned and scared for his mother.

“I’m always ok, go play with your toys or your football. I don’t know, just go.” She told him again as he finally agreed to leave. He didn’t know exactly what was happening but he knew it probably wasn’t okay like his mother always pretended for it to be. He wondered why she lied all the time, especially when he could see it. He wished that she would tell the truth, she always advised him about always telling the truth but she never followed her own words on that.

Miran sat in his room, covering his ears with pillows under the blanket to try and shield from the noise. But he still couldn't help but overhear the muffled voices from outside the room. His mother was shouting again, asking his dad to stop. Miran couldn’t help but start to cry too, he wanted his dad to stop hurting his mom, he wished he could make his father disappear. He gave up on having a loving family like the ones on TV or the ones his classmates have, he just wanted his dad gone forever. He wanted for him and his mother to be alone together, that would be more perfect. He wanted to have a life where his dad isn’t around to cut into their time together, where no one else threatens his mother, a life where his mother’s love and attention were all his with no outer interruptions.

Miran was exhausted from crying as the noises prolonged, he drifted off to sleep with his tears dampening his pillow. He was woken up by his mother very late into the night, Miran blinked as he rubbed his tired eyes. “Mum?” he asked, his voice barely audible.

“Sorry my baby, I didn’t mean to wake you up -” She tried to apologise before Miran threw himself in her arms, holding onto her with all his strength.

She embraced him tightly, holding him close. “It's okay, Miran.” she whispered.

“Why is there a big purple spot on your arm? I don’t think that means you are okay.” He asked, feeling guilty just by looking at her. His fingers almost touched her bruise, but he pulled back in fear of its shape.

“You ask too many questions, haha!” Irem chuckled, desperate to laugh things off.

Miran could sense his mother's attempt to brush off his question with a light-hearted response, but he knew there was something more to her laughter. “Everytime I ask you, all you do is lie to me. You’re not a truthful person.”

Irem sighed, she knew she shouldn’t expect him to buy into her facade. She knew he deserved some honesty and clarity to what he was seeing, but she thought he’s still too young to be burdened with this. “I am sorry, you’re an intelligent boy, aren’t you? I don’t think I can always tell you the truth, you’re too young to know some things.”

“I know that my father is not a good man, he is hurting you. That purple spot on your arm, it looks like it would hurt you if I touch it. He did that, I can tell.” He pointed at her bruise again, letting her know he can make a connection.

“Well -” Irem tried to come up with something but Miran interjected again “I wish we could get rid of him, I don’t want him anymore.”

Irem was silent for a second, surprised by what he said. One of the reasons she stayed with Eren was for Miran to have a complete family and a father figure that’s at least physically present. She took a deep breath, thinking about what her son wants, what she wants and the reality of things. “Miran, your father provides for our living. It’s going to be difficult without him, I don’t have any money.” She said, her gaze diverting away, feeling like she’s letting him down.

Her eyes looked back at his expression, she held his hands in hers as she spoke in a more hopeful tone. “Your father used to be a loving man.” She smiled, “Don’t you think we can wait for him to be the way he used to be?”

Miran looked at his mother with a perplexed expression, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He couldn't comprehend what she was talking about. As far as he could remember, his father had always been distant, angry and hurtful. He couldn’t imagine him any other way, it was hard to picture someone like him to be a “loving man” like his mother called him. “What?” He asked in a disbelieving voice.

Irem's smile disappeared, realising the disconnect between her memories and Miran's reality. She brushed a strand of hair away behind her ear. “Don’t mind me, go back to sleep.” She covered him in his blanket and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight.” She said, before heading out his room and shutting the door behind.