It's Your Heart I Don't Trust

*Ryan's POV*

"Ry, is there something wrong?"

Now that Theia's here in front of me, hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan. She's my friend. I don't want her to get hurt pero kailangan niyang malaman yung nangyayari.

"We broke up."

She looked away.

"I know." Sagot niya. "Sinabi niya na sa'kin."

Kung alam niya na..

Bakit hindi siya nagagalit sa'kin??

"I can't believe she broke up with you.."

It wasn't a question pero sinagot ko parin.

"Nope." Sagot ko. "I broke up with her."

That made her look at me.

"I finally realized, Theia.." I smiled. "That I don't deserve to be loved half heartedly."

I didn't know how true that was until I said it.

"Oh, Ry..."

They all know how much I love Ivy.

At dahil sa pagmamahal na yun, hindi nila maiisip na ako yung nakipaghiwalay sa'ming dalawa.

I tried so hard to keep her.

Pero kada higpit ng hawak ko, she's still slipping away.

I always knew that her heart doesn't belong to me.

So I decided to let go.

"I'm fine." I was smiling but I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "It's taking a while though. She's the first girl that I have ever loved kaya sobrang hirap para sa'kin."

"Matagal ko namang alam na iba yung mahal niya pero hindi ko talaga matanggap na hindi niya ko nagawang mahalin kahit isang beses lang."

I didn't even cry when I told Ivy that I'm letting her go pero ito ako ngayon, umiiyak sa harap ni Theia.

Because I know she understands the pain I'm feeling right now.

Siya parin yung Theia namin noon.

"Naghiwalay kayo dahil kay..?"

I nodded.

"She told me na mahal niya pa si Nathan."

"The first day of exams?"

"Yes."

Mayamaya, umiiyak narin siya.

I hugged her.

"I'm sorry." Sabi ko. "I'm your bestfriend pero imbis na nasa tabi mo ko, minamahal ko parin yung taong dahilan kung bakit ka nasasaktan ngayon."

Sana pinili ko nalang na maging kaibigan mo.

Sana mas pinili kita kaysa sa nararamdaman ko.

"Will you ever forgive me?"

Matatanggap niya pa kaya ako?

"There's nothing to forgive, Ry. You're my bestfriend and you love her." Sabi niya. "Naiintindihan kong nagmahal ka lang rin and I can't stop you from loving someone."

"It was her plan all along, Theia." I said. "Hindi siya titigil hangga't hindi niya nakukuha si Nathan."

"I know.." Sagot niya. "And I've already decided to give up, Ry."

Binitawan ko siya.

"Don't." Sabi ko. "His mind may not know kung sino ka, pero mukhang kilala ka ng puso niya."

Kumunot yung noo niya.

"I watched you dance with him, Theia. That was your Nathan."

You have to believe me.

"But I.. I can't."

"Hindi ko sinabing naghiwalay kami para matakot ka sa kanya." I told her. "I want you to fight."

"Can't you see? Hindi ko kaya." Naluluha siya. "Paano ko ipaglalaban ang taong hindi naman ako maalala?"

"Theia.."

"She wants him back, Ry."

"And you're just going to give him away??"

"Akala mo ba madali lang para sa'kin yun?"

She was crying so hard.

Nasasaktan akong panuorin siya.

"Theia, listen to me." I held her shoulders para iharap siya sa'kin. "Kahit ano pang sabihin o gawin niya, Nathan is yours."

"Sa'kin nga ba talaga siya?"

Pati siya, nagdududa narin sa sarili niya.

"It's time for her to realize that, Theia. Kaya kailangan mo lumaban." I smiled. "Atleast, one of us can have a happy ending."

"Kahit ikaw nalang yung sumaya sa'ting dalawa, that is more than enough."

***

I saw how she looked at him the day he woke up. Tapos nandito siya ngayon sa harapan ko. Umiiyak ako pagtapos niyang sabihin ang mga salitang wawasak sa puso ko.

"Maghiwalay na tayo, Ry."

"Pero bakit? Anong ginawa kong mali?"

May nagawa nga ba ako?

"It's never about you. Ako lang 'to."

Bullsh*t.

"Tang*nang dahilan yan, mahal." I couldn't control how I felt. "Gasgas na yang linyang yan. Pwede bang iba nalang? Bigyan mo ko ng magandang rason kung bakit mo ko iiwan."

"Mahal ko pa siya.."

Nathan.

It's him. Again.

Yung pinakanakakatakot na mga salitang ayaw kong marinig mula sa kanya, narinig ko na.

"Siya nanaman? Hanggang kailan ba magiging hadlang sa'tin si Nathan??? Tuwing umiiyak ka siya nalang yung bukambibig mo!"

Paano naman ako?

Nasuntok ko yung pader.

My hand was bleeding. Hurting.

Pero mas masakit yung nararamdaman ko at wala siyang pakialam dun.

My feelings doesn't even matter to her.

"Ry, I'm sorry.."

"Sa tingin mo ba makakatulong yung sorry mo??" I asked her. "Wala yang magagawa kahit ilang beses mo pang sabihin yan!"

It doesn't even change the fact that I'm hurting.

"Mananakit ka tapos ano?? Sorry???"

WTF.

"Ry.." She was about to reach out for my hand pero iniwas ko agad sa kanya.

Hindi mo na dapat siya hayaang hawakan ka.

Hindi siya sa'yo.

Never siyang naging sa'yo.

"Umalis ka na. May pasok pa 'ko."

She didn't moved.

"Umalis ka na sa harapan ko bago pa kita masaktan."

Dahil nanginginig ako sa galit ngayon, hindi ko alam kung anong pwede kong magawa sa'yo.

She went inside the car and left.

You were never mine, Ivy.

Alam kong hindi ka napasakin kahit sinabi mo pa noon yung mga salitang 'yon.

I'm yours then.

***

Sana tinanggap ko na noon pa. Na hinding hindi ka magiging sa'kin. Ginawa ko lahat kahit alam kong mahal mo pa siya nung mga panahong magkasama tayo.

Sana nakinig nalang ako sa nararamdaman ko.

You used me.

Used the love that I had for you.

Ginawa mo lang akong panakip butas sa sakit na dinulot sa'yo ng pagmamahal mo kay Nathan.

Hindi talaga magiging para sa'tin yung taong hindi naman tayo mahal.

******

*Ivy's POV*

"Babe naman."

I kept avoiding him. Bakit nga ba?

Kasi natatakot ako.

Natatakot akong mahuli niya ko.

"Magsisimula na yung party pero hindi mo parin ako pinapansin." He pouted.

I couldn't resist him anymore.

"You know why."

"Dahil ba sa kanina?"

I slowly nodded.

Nagtatampo parin ako sa ginawa niya.

Tinawanan niya naman ako.

"Sayaw lang yun, babe." He said. "Tinulungan ko lang siya. Tutal ako naman talaga yung partner niya diba?"

I frowned at him.

"I didn't threw a fit nung nalaman kong kapartner mo si Ry." He pointed out. "Did you hear me say anything about it?"

"No.."

"See? Hindi ba unfair kung ganyan ka dahil lang sa sayaw?"

"Ibang usapan naman yun."

"Panong iba?" Tanong niya. "He even said you were together when I woke up. Buti nga hindi niya na yun pinagpipilitan ngayon."

Kasi naghiwalay na kami.

"Can't you change partners?"

"You know that's not possible." Sabi niya. "Kasi kung oo, you should've done that in the first place."

May iba sa kanya.

"Hindi naman siguro diba..?"

"Hindi ano?"

"Anong sinabi nila Tita?"

"She asked me to give her a chance.."

"And? Anong desisyon mo?"

He looked away.

I was right.

May nagbago.

"I've decided to try." Sagot niya.

Try?

Pero..

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Sasabihin ko naman pero ayaw kong mag-alala ka." He said. "This is exactly what I was avoiding."

"How about me, Nathan?" I asked. "Paano ako?"

Napatingin siya sa'kin.

"Babe.."

"No, it's okay." I smiled. "I'm just overreacting."

"You know that she means nothing, right?"

No..

Sa isang iglap, posible mong maalala lahat..

She meant everything to you, Nathan.

"If that's true, you wouldn't even think about trying..."

Maalala mo na ba siya?

Ito na ba yung kinakatakot ko?

"Hindi ko din alam, babe." Sabi niya. "I really don't understand pero there's a part of me that wants to get to know her."

Naluluha akong pakinggan siya.

This it.

It's happening.

"Please don't misinterpret this, babe." He held both of my hands. "Ginagawa ko lang yung napag-usapan namin ni Mama. Aside from that, atleast I get to see you. Napagkasunduan namin yun."

"And then?"

"That's it." He said. "Hindi naman nila mapipilit yung puso ko diba?"

Hindi naman ako yung laman niyan.

Hindi ko rin ba yan mapipilit dyan na ako nalang?

"I chose you, babe." Sabi niya. "Trust me on this. Please?"

Pipiliin mo parin kaya ako kapag nalaman mo yung totoo?

"I trust you."

He smiled at me. "Yun naman pala--"

"MAY TAO BA DYAN??! HELP US!! PLEASEE!!!"

"Isn't that--?"

Bago ko pa matapos yung sasabihin ko, he ran.

"Nathan!"

I shouted pero hindi na siya lumingon.

He's gone.

"Anong nangyari sa kanya??"

Si Charm?

"Hindi k-o alam.." She answered. "Pagdating ko, ga-nito na s-iya.."

Theia..?

She was lying unconscious on the floor.

"Theia??? Theia, wake up!"

Nathan kept shaking her. She opened her eyes but she wasn't responding to him.

"Theia, can you hear me??" He said. "Dadalhin ka namin sa ospital, okay??"

"Mio.."

Nakita kong tumitig saglit si Nathan sa kanya and he carefully lifted her up.

"Babe.." I grabbed the hem of his shirt to stop him.

I know what he was planning.

At hindi pwedeng mangyari yun.

He looked at me then to her.

Oh no..

"Text me when you get home." Sabi niya. "I'm sorry hindi muna kita mahahatid ngayon."

I knew it was selfish for me to do so.

Pero sinabi ko parin yung nasa isip ko.

"Don't leave me.."

But he didn't stopped.

"I'm sorry.."

I watched him walked away from me. Iniwan niya kong mag-isa.

Akala ko ba hindi mo na ko iiwan? Yun yung sinabi mo diba?

You asked me to trust you but I already did.

May tiwala ako sa'yo.

It's your heart I don't trust.

I don't trust it enough to choose me. Kasi hindi na naman talaga ako yung mahal nyan.

Kundi yung taong buhat buhat mo.

Si Theia.

******