A Lesson from Dex's Story

*Ivy's POV*

"Are you still mad?"

"Wag mo ko kausapin."

I don't mean what I just said pero nasabi ko parin. Galit man ako sa kanya, gusto ko nandyan lang siya.

"Bakit hindi mo kasama yung babae mo?"

Kanina lang nagtatawanan sila sa loob. Ngayong uwian na tsaka lang siya lalapit sa'kin. Ni hindi niya ko kinausap o pinuntahan kahapon tapos kunwari okay lang kami?

"Babae ko?" He laughed.

At nagagawa niya pang tumawa.

"Babe, you're really jealous."

Of course, I am.

Sino bang hindi magseselos kung siya naman talaga yung mahal mo.

"Babe, halika nga dito."

He tried to reach my arm pero lumayo ako.

"Are you really that mad?"

Yes.

"Babe, look at me." Sabi niya.

I didn't.

Ayaw ko.

Pag tinignan ko siya, bibigay nanaman ako.

"Can you atleast tell me what I did wrong?"

"Hindi mo ba talaga alam??"

Habang tumatagal, nagagalit na ko sa kanya.

"Hindi." Sagot niya. "Wala akong maalalang mali na ginawa ko."

"That's the problem, Nathan!" I said. "Wala kang ginawa! You left me alone that night remember?"

"Why do you have to think about it that way?? Kailangan niya ng tulong."

"Kailangan din kita!"

"Babe, let's be rational naman." He frowned. "If I didn't help them, baka may nangyaring masama sa kanya."

"You think I'm not rational enough?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what??" Tanong ko. "Why do you even care about her?? Akala ko ba wala lang siya sa'yo???"

"That wasn't the right time para isipin ko pa kung ano ba siya sa'kin." Sagot niya. "Didn't you see what happened? She couldn't breathe. Anong gusto mong gawin ko, hayaan siyang mamatay?"

"I DON'T EVEN CARE IF SHE DIES, NATHAN!" Sigaw ko. "YOU LEFT ME AND THAT'S THE POINT!"

"..."

I just shouted at him.

Anong nangyayari sa'kin??

"Alam mong takot akong mawala ka." Sabi ko. "You promised na hindi mo na ko iiwan diba? But you still left and chose her over me..."

Hindi ko siya kayang tignan. Naiiyak ako

"Babe, hindi yun ganun.."

"I have no other way to see it."

Ayaw ko ding awayin siya. I know I'm hurting him pero anong magagawa ko?

I was too scared..

"Why can't you just trust me?" He asked. "Why do you have to doubt me everytime?"

"Dahil binibigyan mo ko ng rason para isiping mawawala ka."

"At anong rason yun?" Sabi niya. "Si Theia? Siya lang yung dahilan kung bakit ka natatakot?"

Siya lang?

You have no idea how scared I am kapag kasama mo siya.

"I chose you, Ivy. Over my family and friends." He said. "Kung hindi parin yun sapat, ano pa bang gusto mong gawin ko para magtiwala ka sa'kin? What more do I have to lose just to gain your trust?"

He's right.

He chose me before his family. Ni hindi siya nakinig sa kanila para maalala si Theia.

He proved to me over and over na ako lang..

Pero bakit natatakot parin ako?

I wanted to tell him na layuan siya. That's all I ever wanted pero hindi ko yun masabi.

Gusto ko na siya yung kusang lumayo at hindi dahil sa sinabi ko lang.

"Hanggang kailan ba tayo magiging ganito?"

Hanggang kailan nga ba?

Napapagod na rin ako.

"I have my own reasons to doubt you pero pinili ko parin pagkatiwalaan ka." He whispered. "Why can't you do the same for me? I thought you loved me enough para magtiwala ka rin sa'kin."

Nathan..

I can't trust your heart.

"I'm sorry kung sa tingin mo iniwan kita. I have no intentions of letting you feel that way." Sabi niya. "And I won't ever do that to you again."

"Aalis na ko." Ngumiti siya sa'kin. "Mag-ingat ka sa pag-uwi. Mukhang hindi na naman kita mahahatid."

He turned around and walked away from me.

Gusto ko siyang habulin. Gusto kong mag-sorry at sabihin na magbati na kami but I couldn't moved.

"I have my own reasons to doubt you pero pinili ko parin pagkatiwalaan ka."

Tita was right. He knows something.

Maybe even everything.

But he chose to trust me...

***

"Ai, may bisita ka!" Sigaw ni Ate Ysa.

Sino pa bibisita ng ganitong oras?

"Wait lang!"

Gabi na kaya.

"TEDDY???"

Pagbaba ko, siya agad yung bumungad sa'kin.

"Teddy!" His answering smile was big na parang masisira na yung pisngi niya.

Hindi ko napigilan yung sarili kong yakapin siya. He hugged me back. I missed him.

"Kailan ka pa nakauwi??" I asked pagbitaw ko sa kanya.

"Nung Sunday pa."

"Alam na ba nilang nakauwi ka na?"

"Yup." He said. "Dumaan agad ako sa kanila pagdating ko."

Of course.

"What brings you here?" Tanong ko.

"Why? Masama na bang bisitahin yung kaibigan ko?"

"Syempre hindi." Sagot ko. "Gabi na kasi. Sa lahat talaga ng oras ngayon pa?"

"Sorry. Madami kasi akong inasikaso kaya ngayon lang ako nakapunta." Sabi niya. "So what are you doing bago ako dumating?"

"Wala naman."

"Are you busy?"

"Hindi rin."

"Can we talk?" Tanong niya. "Sa labas?"

"Sure." I answered. "Kunin ko lang yung sweater ko sa taas."

"Are you going to eat with us?" Narinig kong tanong ni Ate Ysa sa kanya pag-akyat ko.

Pagkakuha ko nung sweater, tumakbo ulit ako pababa. Wala na siya sa sala. Si Ate nalang yung naiwan.

"Sasabay daw siya?"

"Hindi." Sagot niya. "Aalis din daw siya agad pagkausap niya sa'yo."

I nodded and went outside to follow him.

Baka bibisita siya sa girlfriend niya.

I sat down on the chair beside him. He was quiet at first and he sighed bago siya magsalita.

Mukhang hindi niya gusto yung sasabihin niya.

"Kamusta ka naman, teddy?"

"Okay naman."

"Really?"

I nodded.

Alam niya na kaya yung nangyari?

"I actually went to Tita Meg yesterday." He said. "You remember? Nung nadapa ako noon, you panicked and told me na may tita kang doctor. You were the one who introduced me to her."

He knows..

"She asked me to help you, Ai." Sabi niya. "Now I want to know kung kailangan mo ba ng tulong ko."

"Teddy.."

"Naalala mo pa ba si Dex? Yung aso na inalagaan nating dalawa."

Hindi niya pinansin yung sinabi ko. Nakatingin lang siya sa langit habang nagsasalita.

"We found him on the streets. Lost and hungry. I even thought he's going to die. Pero pagtapos ng isang linggo, naging masigla ulit siya dahil sa pag-aalaga natin."

Naluluha ako sa kwento niya.

"Then 2 days later, we started seeing posters of him. Hinahanap na siya ng totoong may ari sa kanya." He continued. "Dex stayed with you kaya sa'yo siya pinaka-close. Natakot tayo parehas na baka may makakita sa kanya so we agreed na wag muna siya isama kapag lalabas tayo."

Naalala ko na naman si Dex.

"After a while, you told me he started whining every night. Naging matamlay siya at hindi narin kumain. We even took him to the vet pero wala naman daw problema and then we figured na baka namimiss niya na yung amo niya."

"I didn't want him to go that time. Pero ikaw yung naglakas loob sa'ting dalawa at nagsabi na ibalik natin siya sa totoong may-ari sa kanya."

"It hurted so much, right?" Sabi niya. "We were sad at first hanggang sa natanggap din natin that we don't own him."

I was crying. I missed him.

"Alam mo ba kung ano yung pinakamasakit na pakiramdam?" He asked. "Yun yung angkinin ang kahit anong hindi naman sa'yo."

"Because no matter how much you wanted to own them, they'll always go back to someone they belong to."

"And that's what you did before. Even if it hurts, pinili mong ibalik siya sa taong nagmamay-ari sa kanya."

Napatingin siya sa'kin.

"So I need to ask you this, teddy." He said. "Gaano ulit katagal bago mo marealize na hindi siya sa'yo tulad ni Dex?"

Kahit hindi niya sabihin, alam kong iba na yung tinutukoy niya.

"Hindi ko kaya..."

"Can you tell me the reason why you decided to return him?"

"Kasi yun yung tamang gawin.."

"See? Kahit hindi mo kaya, nagawa mo. Because that's the right thing to do." He said. "What about now? Tama parin ba yung ginagawa mo?"

Hindi na..

"Do you still remember his owner's face bago natin siya ibigay?"

I nodded.

"Yun yung itsura ni Courts ngayon, Ai."

I couldn't look at him.

Nahihiya ako sa kanya. Sa mga ginawa ko.

"I've never seen her that way before. But losing Nathan made her lifeless."

"Ayaw kong mawala siya, teddy..."

I was crying so hard.

"Losing someone is the worst feeling of all at ayaw kong maranasan mo yun." Sabi niya. "But teddy, he's not yours. Siguro noon, oo. Pero ngayon? There's someone else who owns him."

I couldn't stop..

"Hindi ko sinasabi sa'yo 'to dahil kaibigan ko rin si Courts." He held my hands. "Kung kabaligtaran yung nangyari, I will also tell her what to do."

"Pero sobrang sa'kit, Gab.."

"Oo, sobrang sakit." Sabi niya. "Pero tulad ng pagbalik natin kay Dex, matatanggap mo rin na hindi na siya sa'yo."

Matatanggap ko ba?

Paano kung hindi pala? Hindi ko kaya.

"You have to return him so it won't hurt anymore." He said. "You have to let him go, teddy."

Paano kung mas masakit kapag bumitaw ako? Kapag binalik ko siya?

"Inisip ko kung hahayaan mo ko tumulong ngayon because you never asked me for help before." He wiped my tears. "I did my part. Now, do you have the courage to do the same even if it hurts?"

Tama ba si teddy?

Should I let you go, Nathan?

Do you really want to go?

******