A shattered dream

Ever since I was a child I've always dreamed of becoming the last boss

You know, the big bad powerful guy who would meet the heroes and fight an epic battle that would forever decide the fate of the world and all that bollocks? Yeah, I wanted to be the guy that would face those mighty heroes

There were many things that catalyze this weird wish of mine, from the animes and mangas that I used to gobble up. To the drama and tv shows that I watched while growing up. But I think the thing that really set this dream of mine as the one I really wanted to fulfill...was a certain video game that I used to play as a kid

It was absolutely hot garbage as far as video games go...I remember it being the usual online MMORPG among thousands of MMORPGs that were popular at the time. I really wanted to play the amazing ones, but I remembered my parents making a fuss about it being too violent and so they gave a knockoff, kid-friendly type of MMORPG

The blood is set in a different color, they don't show people being slashed or injured, and they replaced the word fuck with frick. Basically, the censorship in this game, along with the fact that the story is boring as hell and treats their players like children, made me want to smash my computer for the first time in my life

But having no choice at the time, I continued to play the game until the end

And thinking back on it now...I'm glad I did

Because that was the time I met the final boss of the game, and I saw his badassery in all his glory. Despite being a children's game, his character design was cool. I clearly remember him wearing a black set of military clothes, along with a long majestic cape that stretched down to the floor

It sounds simple and bland I know...But if you were to compare it to the rest of the bosses which had things like candies and rainbows in their character design, then this one was the golden star among the cesspool of characters in this game

His presence alone shifted the entire atmosphere of the game, and I knew just from seeing him behind my screen that this boss meant business. He wasn't your kid-friendly boss that was all sunshine and rainbows, he was here to fuck you up and ruin your day

And that's exactly what he did

For context, the game allowed the player to control up to five characters at the same time on the field, and every time the player switches up to another character, the AI would take over the rest of the characters and would continue battling. This might not sound much, but with how weak the other bosses were, you could probably end the fight in a flash

But that wasn't the same for the last boss

He absolutely demolished my team, and It wasn't even close. For the first time while playing the game, I had to come up with strategies to beat him as well as use each ounce of my brainpower in order to not die in the battle. And the best part about it all was that I wasn't even mad every time I die...

If anything, I was mesmerized by the boss...each and every one of his attack patterns looked so cool, and every time I die he would just say these one-liners that would just send chills down my very core. This fight continued for a long time, with me constantly dying and starting all over again

It was a wonderful dance that I wished would never end

But unfortunately, I was able to beat him after seven straight hours of trial and error

It was sad seeing his HP bar go down to zero, but I knew that it was inevitable...

And as I saw his character avatar fade to ashes, something inside me clicked. It was the very first spark of my desire. I knew at that very moment that I wanted to be like this boss. I want to be so strong and powerful that I would decimate the heroes and force them to evolve and be better, I wanted to be the one who the heroes had to defeat for the sake of the betterment of the world

I wanted to be the last boss

It was a silly dream, and I knew that as well. I thought that this fire burning deep in my heart would fade as I grow older, but it was the opposite. It only grew stronger and stronger. And when I was in high school I finally decided to work toward that dream of mine

I was constantly working out to hone my body and be stronger, I was studying all kinds of things in order to be smarter, and I was practicing my cool one-liners for the time I finally become the final boss. These were just some of the few things that I did in preparation for my dream...

But then the cold realization hit me

Can I actually be the last boss that I dream to be?

The last boss that I want to be was powerful and influential. I want to be so powerful that seemingly nothing in this world is capable of stopping me, and I want to have the authority to move society by my will. But thinking about it carefully, it seems to be impossible...

Brute strength could only take me so much in this world. I may have been able to train myself to dodge a couple of bullets here and there, but that's all my training ever got me. If an entire military force were to face me head-on, I can probably survive that, but it's a fifty-fifty chance...and a last boss should always take on armies with ease...

And in order to be the top authority in the world, I had to spend decades of my life in order to accomplish that. By the time I'm already the greatest influential figure, I'd probably be an elderly dude already, and if that's the case my strength would've probably diminished greatly by that point!

I knew that I had to resort to something otherworldly...something supernatural!

But even as I searched high and low across the world, I never found such a thing. I did some Shaolin monk type of training and meditated in a waterfall and all that, but that entire experience only made my body a bit stronger. I resorted to some of the religions in this world and even turned to the occult and demonic groups for something...but it was all for naught

The moment it hit, I became more depressed than ever...

After all, my dream of becoming the last boss is becoming further and further away

And at some point I just...gave up...

I don't know how, and I don't exactly know why. It was a dream that I absolutely aspired to accomplish at one point but all of a sudden I just...gave up on it.

Some people tell me that being held at gunpoint or drowning in the middle of the ocean would be one of the most terrifying moments a human could experience, and while I somewhat agree with that...for me, the most terrifying moment of all is when a dream which was once blazing in your heart just suddenly vanished

And you become nothing more than a husk of a human without a shred of ambition

Spending about your days while wondering what's even the point of all of this...

Because that was exactly what happened to me

Desperate to rekindle the passion that I once held before, I turned and shutter myself to the world of video games. After all, in video games, I could relive the dream that I once had. I could just go to some popular fantasy game, get stronger, and roleplay as a final boss to the rest of the player base

It felt nice...and I figured that I'd just spend the rest of my days doing this...

After all, I could say all of the cool one-liners I've always wanted to say. I could decimate players and make them stronger, just as I dreamed of. And while the game devs don't really recognize it, I could be the cool final boss that I've always dreamt of becoming

It may be a sort of shitty compromise for this cruel world that does not allow such a dream to come to be...but if it helps me satisfy the desire that I've always wanted then it's fine...

Yes, that's right...It's...It's fine...

Even if I was now nothing more than a NEET who shuts himself in a room while playing video games all day, and hasn't seen the sunlight nor basked himself in the feeling of grass in so long, If I'm the final boss online then nothing else matters...

I continued to repeat the same chant in my head as I looked at the two computer screens in front of me. The sound of me clicking my mouse and keyboard, as well as me chewing a bunch of chips at the same time resounded throughout the dim room that I was on...

Yes...this was fine...