Swallowing your feelings

What do you do when realize someone is avoiding you?

Reciprocate the silence by creating a space that should be respected, while waiting for the person to take the initiative in solving the problem? Or go after her and ask what the hell was going on?

Theodore pondered the first, as he did not have the courage to raise his chin and head an argument. Especially when a few days ago he himself wanted Gabriel to distance himself. Now he succeeded.

Should be glad he succeeded, no? Yet Theodore found himself constantly looking in the direction of his new classmate. Quick, discreet glances, just to know what he was doing.

In the classroom Gabriel seemed focused on his studies, taking notes without caring about being watched. In the courtyard he met with his group of friends, with Sadie glued to his arm laughing scandalously gushing happiness and her smell.

The only time Theodore could come up with a perfect excuse to look at his new colleague was the afternoon practice. The volleyball team met right after lunch, starting training at full strength. And lucky for him, Nicolas had asked for his help to analyse the players' performance before the friendly match.

And there he was. In the hellish heat of late summer, inside a gym, with a notebook and a pen in hand and eyes glued to the twelve boys on court struggling to keep the ball in the air.

Theodore's concentration was immense thanks to the suppressor tablets he had taken, being able to ignore the various aromas that emanated from the court. He paid attention to movement time, reaction to quick attacks, as the blockade mounted a last-time strategy and the techniques used on court.

But from time to time his light eyes slipped on the tall boy with dark hair glued to his forehead because of the sweat.

His intention was to look away before he was caught, but that vision had made such a mission impossible. Gabriel shook his head shaking his wet hair, gleaming sweat. His eyes were focused on the ball, without blinking a second. He even moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue, like a predator planning to ambush its prey.

And then the movement of his throat when swallowing dry before jumping making a block off enough for Theodore to hold his breath. Finally free of that vision, the blond's cheeks caught fire along with his thoughts.

― Calm down, Theo... Calm down. ― Whispered the boy to himself, lowering his head disguising the blush that took care of him.

The screams of the players as they scored had echoed through the gym, again gaining Theodore's attention. The young man had settled down on the bench, doing the analysis for his best friend. This time his eyes did not betray him to seek a new view, in compensation his thoughts were treacherous in remembering ‒ or perhaps creating ‒ striking details of a drop of sweat dripping down Gabriel's forehead.

Or the way the tip of his tongue had moistened his lips, with those eyes so attentive...

― How's it going in there, Theo?

Forced to regain consciousness, Theodore took a deep breath to calm down, scratching his visibly ashamed neck. He had tried to disguise it again, reluctant to look Nicolas in the eye. So he extended his notebook without saying anything.

Nicolas picked up the notebook by reading the detailed notes, raising his eyes to watch the respective players for a few moments. And then he nods by returning the notebook.

― When you're done, let me do the training plan, I want to work on their flaws.

― Wouldn't it be better to leave that for after the friendly match? Playing with another team will show more precise failures...

— They have a lot to improve, especially the rookie. So I'll fix this before the match, so we can focus on something else. ― Nicolas lowered his eyes to his friend, closing his brow to notice the rosy cheeks. ― Are you okay?

― I'm great! ― Theodore answered quickly, with a friendly smile.

― You're red. It's not heat, is it?

Nicolas raised his blonde bangs to touch his friend's forehead, checking his temperature.

― I really am fine, Nico.

― What a devoted husband, taking care of his wife.

Theodore shrugged his shoulders when Nicolas's tired eyes became gloomy, even though the two friends were staring at each other. Nicolas slowly removed his hand from Theodore's forehead by adjusting his bangs.

― Theo, tell me, have you done a performance analysis on Mckenzie?

― Eh? A-Ahn... I haven't done it yet..

― So write it down so I can get to it hard, because our attacker seems to have time to talk shit.

― I'm just following the captain ― Mocked the tall boy. ― Besides you don't get heavy with me, captain.

Taking a few steps to the alpha, Nicolas smiled sideways as he picked up the towel thrown on the bench. Spinning in the air, he wrapped the towel and whipped it into the belly of Milles, who had made a grimace of pain.

― Hey your cap! ― Nicolas moved the towel again, attacking Milles in the belly without undoing the mischievous smile of the face. ― Hey! Enough of that!

― Why? It hurts? I'm hurting you? You can take it, since I don't know how to work hard with you, right?

Milles took a few steps back trying to get away from the damn towel, but Nicolas shortened the distance continuing to hit him.

― That'll come back!

― Shut the fuck up and get back on the court, Mckenzie!

The coach's shout was the only thing that made Nicolas stop the attack, but never in undoing the mocking smile. Not even when Milles had shown him the middle finger and a grimace. In fact he had only laughed at the anger of the more alpha.

Returning to Theodore's side, Nicolas sat on the bench covering his head with a towel.

― You two keep fighting over me, I feel guilty about it.

― Don't heat Theo, sometimes I think of ten different ways of killing Mckenzie, and when he provokes me I just... put it into practice.

― What a horror, Nico. ― Laugh Theodore again taking notes in his notebook.

— But then... why were you all flushed? ― Theodore raised his eyes to his friend with surprise, noticing that Nicolas had already lowered his shoulders in fatigue, continuing to stare at him intensely. ― Be honest, because I saw it.

― If you saw then why ask me?

― Because I want your sincerity.

Sighing low, Theodore scratched his head and then secreted him.

― I'm just bothered. After the day we did the job, Gabriel didn't talk to me anymore.

― Isn't that a good thing?

— It should be, right? ― Swallowing hard, Theodore looked at his own hands, caressing the veins that appeared jutting into the skin. ― I can't help but notice him.

― Since when is that?

Fearful of Nicolas's possible scolding, Theodore squeezed his fingers and dared not look at him again. He had pressed his lips before whispering...

― I was honest with him, and Gabriel said he didn't care. But I got the impression that Sadie said something.

— Probably... ― Agreed Nicolas stretching his legs and leaning back on the bench ― Saw him talking to Milles these days, they have become good friends.

Theodore had closed his eyes to imagine the matter being dealt with Gabriel. His heart was racing in fear and fear just thinking that wrong ideas might be being counted and spread once again.

— So, answering my question, are you only concerned about Gabriel's opinion? ― Nicolas had again leaned on his knees, closing his dark eyes on the friend who reciprocated. In that exchange of looks between the two, the team captain widened his eyes slowly ― Oh no, Theo not again.

Theodore quickly averted his eyes again compressing his lips. Shrugging his shoulders, he wanted to disappear from there. He knew very well that that tone of voice just meant that his little secret had been seen by his best friend.

A secret Theodore wanted to hide.

Desire.

— This is gonna suck, you know that. Last time you didn't know the guy was related to Sadie, but this time you know they're close. Don't like that guy, Theo. He's already in the grip of that girl.

— Not if no one knows. ― Whispered Theodore downcast, teary eyes. ― I will swallow every feeling as a sweet dessert. And no one should know.

The corner look that Theodore gave his friend had made him reach out to mess up the blonde strands, pulling his head to lay it on his shoulder.

― All right. Let's do it together, I got your back.

Theodore had not ceased to smile grateful for the friend who held out his hand once again.

From the court, Gabriel watched that hug feeling once again the bitter taste in his mouth. Wiping sweat from his forehead and taking a deep breath, he turned his attention to training. He had jumped as high as he could, gathering all his strength on his right hand to give a cut to the ball, discounting his fury.