Me,Myself And Cody

I left the room like a wild beast fired up against me. I didn't mean to hurt him or to react this harshly. I just don't know how to respond otherwise.

After such a wonderful day yesterday, I had to break the mood. Yet we were on the right track for another equally memorable day, but I ruined everything.

Last night, when I realized that this horrible girl was his ex-girlfriend, I wanted to strangle her. I'm talking about the girl, of course, not my pearl. How could he bear her? What did he see in her? You don't have to be a genius to read through this girl. I don't even find her pretty, contrary to what she must think of herself. Poor Juke!

You don't have to say poor Juke Aim. You acted the same way with Ken; you left him crying. He's probably wondering why you rejected him so abruptly. Don't you think it would have been better to discuss it with him?

Why are you torturing yourself when you can go upstairs and talk to him? You know you're stupid, Aim. With your supposedly exceptional brain, my dear, you're not worth it. Instead, you prefer to flee and be upset with yourself.

OK, let's stop all that scolding. I didn't want to react like that, but it was stronger than me, yet I liked to feel his hands in my hair. He woke me up to a long-lost feeling that's been ages, so I was scared. I don't want to get used to everything he gives me, everything he makes me feel. I'm afraid that one day he won't be there anymore.

I listened to Ethan telling me that life is made up of ups and downs and that I have to eat it to the fullest when possible; otherwise, I will miss out on many beautiful things without realizing it.

I still can't find the meaning of all this. I have fears that terrify me. " You must know how to take risks, as you do with your money and investments; don't overthink it. "You have to let go," he always said. I would love to do all this, but it's not easy. It's easier said than done.

I want to let go. I want to experience magical moments like yesterday, when he fell asleep in my arms in the car, a real baby! I was afraid that I would wake him up or that he would get a stiff neck.

I stopped the car twice to put him at ease. I felt good watching over him and worrying about him. I liked worrying about him, it's scary to have someone in your care, but it's a good feeling to worry about others or someone in particular.

Cody understood the purpose of this whole thing. He helped me do it. I did everything I could to undress him without waking him. I bathed him while he was sitting on my lap and still wearing my clothes. I only had time to take off my shoes because I didn't wear them inside once they were used outside.

For the first time in my life, I felt helpful in something. I dressed him and put him to bed. We dried his hair with a heated cap, which I hate, but last night I thanked Genièvre inwardly for insisting on leaving it here. Otherwise, I don't know how I would have kept him asleep with a noisy hair dryer.

Why did I ruin everything this morning? I'm pacing around my office like a caged lion, finding no excuse to return to him. I wanted to send him a message, but there was nothing to do. It's creepy to do that.

I asked Cody to bring him his meal. I should have slipped a little note in the tray, but it's only now that I think about it.

I walk to my chair and settle into it, my head in my hands, unable to think of a solution. I want to check the cameras. I think it's wrong to spy on him when most of my work is based on spyware I have infiltrated into many electronic gadgets. For home surveillance, to prevent abuse of any kind, once the danger is detected, an SOS with the file is sent back to the central server, which is then analyzed and sent back to the relevant authorities.

I can't even look at the footage of my own house because I fear crossing the line. Pff, that's crazy!

How ironic, huh?

I stayed in my office, procrastinating and going all over the place. I try to find something to keep my mind busy, but I always come back to the same point: his beautiful face, his pretty mouth, his alluring smile, his childish pouts, his tics. In short, I always come back to him.

When he is troubled, he shuffles from one foot to the other. When thinking, he touches his left ear with his right hand. When he is happy, he tilts his head to the side, like an infant smiling unconsciously of his fragility and delicacy. He pinches his nose when he is angry, which makes it red.

I was right; with Ken around, I would find it hard to get bored. He is an infinite source of life. And Cody...

*************************************************************************************************************************************

"Why are you crying?" I jumped under the blanket when I heard Cody's voice. It has the same characteristics as his master's, except Aim drives me to panic, making my heart race like crazy. How could he create a humanoid like him? And why doesn't Cody's voice act the same as Aim's on me?

"I'm not crying," I answered without coming out from under the blanket. " OK, you're not crying; you've probably caught a cold, hm?" He asked calmly. " Yes, I caught a cold when you put me in the shower late last night."

"Ah, I see," replied the latter amused. " Luckily, you don't have a fever, but if this flu persists, you will have a bad migraine."

I pulled down the tip of the blanket to look at him to take a look at his face. He was lying there next to me, his hands behind his head, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, his legs crossed flat on the bed, which he swings from left to right—relaxed and calm without any hostility.

My eyes swelled. I extricated myself from the cover, and he turned his head in my direction without leaving his initial position.

"It's a bad cold," he said humorously, "last night, you were stunning and soothing. I didn't expect to see you like this morning."

"You are the cause of my ugly head," I barked at him, pouting a little.

"Oh no! You will never be ugly. A beautiful face like yours can't be ugly from a mere bad cold, and will take much more than that to turn you ugly. But one thing is for sure, that will never happen."

I smiled a little, hearing his comment. I understand now when Quincy says he gave Cody everything he lacked. He's a real charmer, that one. He reached out a hand towards me and lifted my hair which hid my face preventing him from fully seeing my face.

I put my hand between us to hide my puffy eyes. He laughs softly, like a real human being, he's fascinating, and he lets my hair fall in front of my eyes again.

"Go take your bath and eat afterward; what do you think?"

"I will do that!" I answered without hesitation. Talking to him for a few seconds calmed me down a bit, and the fact he didn't ask me any personal questions is all the more fascinating.

Many humans don't know when and how to ask uncomfortable questions.

" Fine, then I'll heat it all for you, OK."

"OK! And he disappears from the bed to reappear in front of the trolley for room service. He gave me a knowing wink.

" The water is already regulated, and for the dressing room, no need to speak. I just changed the configuration; it will open when you are in front. See you soon."

How does he simultaneously manage to be physical and virtual bothers me? I'm not tech-savvy. What I know about the subject is limited to my phone, computer, and car. Maybe someday, Aim will help me understand. Or Cody, because he communicates better than that jerk, after all.

I got out of bed lazily and suddenly realized I wasn't home on my way to the shower. My routine is ruined this morning, I mumbled, dragging my feet. I continued to walk lifelessly.

I stop in front of the big mirror on the wall and run a hand through my hair. It gives off a smell that reminds me of Aim. I take my eyes off the mirror to go to the shower. I don't want to lounge in the jacuzzi, which tempts me a bit. I'm not in the mood.

As I was about to go to the glass cubicle to take a good bath, I was amazed when I noticed the change of decor on the wall above the sink. The mirror has been reduced on each side, without changing the room's charm, to make room for stylish shelves filled with products from one side to the other.

I used to use all the ones on the right, and a new range on the left for people with sensitive skin like me. How did he do it? And who said he is a social case, exactly? I want to spend two minutes with this charlatan. He has his problems, but he is attentive.

I know I should be freaking out right now, but I can't, and the fact that he knows these things doesn't bother me at all. I know what you're thinking, but that's me. I don't freak out that easily. Or maybe it's because he's the one I find this thoughtful and not creepy.

"I didn't want to impose them on you, so I got the ones you use every day and the new ones, so it's up to you if you want to try them. When you're embarrassed, you scratch your neck unconsciously, irritating your skin. It won't change anything, even if I make sure you don't. So this is it."

You already know my reaction. I almost took a dip straight in the mirror. The tube I examined from the new range slipped out of my hands and fell on the floor. I accidentally brushed my hand in front of the faucet, which gushed water, leaving me perplexed and disoriented.

I cling to the sink to regain my composure. But with the speeding of my racing heart, I doubt I'll find even a semblance of calm this time. And every time he appeared, I had to have something in hand, which must escape me for sure. I feel like I'm living in a drama show.

Conscious of my despair, He approached me, as usual, without making noises, and took me in his arms from the back without saying another word. He pressed me against his body and whispered in my ear...

"Calm down, my little pearl, calm down, it's just me, darling. I'm sorry for this and this morning too." He kissed my hair, my temples, and my neck.

I closed my eyes, leaned back on his chest, and let his warmth invade my body. My heart calmed down a little by resuming its normal rhythm. Once I recovered all my lucidity, I turned sharply toward him and pushed him with all my strength.

"Don't you dare come near me," I shouted? "You hurt me, and you return when you want. Do you think this is a church?"

" I didn't want to. I was stupid to react like this."

" Keep reacting as you want; I don't give a fuck anyway. I'm going home and won't come back here anymore."

" You're not going anywhere, Ken," he said with a voice distorted by the anger starting to rise in him. I could feel it; I saw it in his eyes and fists, which he clenched to the point of hurting himself.

I keep ranting like crazy anyway. When I start, it's for good, and nothing and no one can stop me. I'm like that.

"I'm not a toy, Quincy, I'm a human, and when you reject me so brutally without saying a word leaving me in the dark, it hurts like hell. Not to mention how my heart leaps in my chest when I hear your voice." I screamed, unable to keep it to myself any longer, I cried, and it hurt very badly, but why? "You want to drive me crazy that's your plan, huh?"

He approached me and grabbed my hand, and he ran it into his hair, closing his eyes with a kind of relief and peace when my fingers touched his scalp. Anyone can clearly read on his face that he was relaxed. His anger and frustration vanished like smoke in the air.

And all my furious mad rage dissipated on its own or flew away.

"It's my hair," he said in a hoarse voice. "I don't like people touching them because it reminds me of my mother. It's also the reason why I let them grow so long. Since her sudden disappearance, I have never cut them. It was she who did it. I hate that other people approach them. But you're just not anyone to me, are you? You are my boyfriend, my rare pearl!"

He opened his eyes and plunged his azure gaze, misted with tears held back in mine. His words and suffering make me rock, and a rush of silent tears invade my cheeks.

He smiled and began wiping them away without letting a drop of his slide down his cheek. He fights against his pain, and it hurts me even more. I dragged him into the bedroom. I lay down on my back in the bed and forced him to do the same by laying his head on my belly.

I caressed his back, and he gave free rein to his tears. He cried silently for two hours and fell asleep. When I felt all his muscles relax from sleep, I laid him on the bed. Letting him rest.

I went back to the shower with a kind of feverishness. I prepared my routine even if it was too late and enthusiastically took a good bath.

I am his rare pearl; I hum under the jet of water! I don't care that I've been crying a lot lately, I'm happy, and that's the important thing. I have to be patient with him. That's what I'll do from now on.

*********************

Earlier, when Cody left the room. He went straight to my office. We almost came to blows.

" What are you doing? Can you explain it to me? Cody asked, walking through the door of my unrecognizable office.

"I'm in my office, can't you see it? Why, what do you want?"

"And why did you make him cry?"

"It was unintentional."

"It wasn't intentional, my ass, Aim, so why didn't you stay to talk to him? Last time he had a bruise on his back; what is it now?"

"What are you implying, Cody?" I shouted, dissatisfied with his undertone and the tone he spoke to me.

"It insinuates what it insinuates," said the latter with indifference, challenging me.

"Do you think I hit him or something? It's that right, Cody?"

"It's you who said it. I just want you to stop carrying everything on your shoulder when you have someone to help you."

"Why didn't you check the cameras, so you'll know what I did to him? And why are you so worried about him? I remind you that Kenan is my boyfriend and only mine."

"I don't care which one of us is his boyfriend. If you don't want to watch over him, I'll take care of him for you while you learn why we need a life companion, does that suit you?"

"I forbid you to approach him, Cody; otherwise, I disconnect all your functions. Do you still want to challenge me?"

"I'd rather challenge you instead of letting you mope about yourself while hurting someone who just wants to love you."

"I don't know how to explain to him," I told him in a small voice, aware of what he said, letting go of my rage and hostility towards him.

"Talk to him like you talk to me. You know that your whole wants to trust him; why do you persist in resisting? he knows your identity, but he did not reveal it to his mother. Do you remember how worried you were not to wake him up last night? Do you remember the silly smile you had on your face when you carried him in your arms? Do you want to lose all that?"

He moved closer to me as he spoke, sitting on the corner of the large touchscreen desk beside me. I had my elbows on the table, my head resting or hidden between my hands.

I straightened up to look at him. He activated the functions of the touch desktop after having searched among the files and found what he needed. He projected the content onto the large wall in front of us and let the photos and videos of Me and Ewen scroll by, from the first time I brought Ewen home until last night.

I casually slumped back into my chair and swung it around.

"I had some good times yesterday, and I'm dying to have more, but sometimes my heart and body want something when my actions say otherwise."

"You overthink," said Cody, who becomes serene again. "Go up to see him and follow your heart. I don't want to see you in this state. You do everything to wait for him to come here, but you do everything to push him away when he is there. At this rate, you will lose him and end up scaring him away, and you will never see him again."

"You have completely changed in those recent days, you smile a lot more even if it's scary sometimes, and you take the initiative, you brought his skincare lotions from France, Korea, and Italy you made some place for him in your dressing room for his clothes."

"So, assume the fact that you want him to the point of worrying about him every minute, that you pay attention to his slightest changes. And it would help if you behaved like the perfect gentleman we raised."

"You don't want to disappoint me, Nodge and Guinevere, either, do you?" I turned towards him to look at him. He has more than guts; I have to pay him more attention to that one. As I was just staring at him, he spoke again while hiding a sly little laugh in his voice.

"Come on, go see him. I'm going to heat his breakfast; he hasn't had any meals all day. You're neglecting your boyfriend, Aim."

"OK, I'll talk to him and bring him fruit, eggs, seafood salad, and a glass of juice."

"This is the Aim I want to see around our guest," Cody replied, more enthusiastic before leaving, smiling a creepy smile indeed.

I stared at him for a moment, and a playful little smile crept over my lips despite myself. I got up and walked towards the double door.