What I want is you
Back in my room, I took a long shower, hoping to wash away the remnants of the unwanted affair last night. All the details just kept on replaying in my mind, and there was no stopping it as it crept to my consciousness.
"I want you, now, Nathan. Please," I begged him.
All of a sudden, he stopped. He stared carefully at my lustful intoxicated eyes with the same intensity as his. "I want this too, more than you'll ever know. But, I will not take advantage of your drunken state." I pouted, showing how disappointed I was with his pronouncement, like a child deprived of a new toy.
I tried to rub my body against his naked torso to encourage him to continue. He tensed and hissed as he held my body immobile. "Stop it." He warned. "Listen to me. I want you to remember this. I will take what I want when I want it. And I want you." He gave me a punishing kiss before pulling back again. "But I need you to be lucid and to surrender yourself willingly."
"I know what I want, and that is you." I wantonly said as I tried to kiss him back. Taking boldly, what I want, with the alcohol making me extremely brave or stupid, depending on what angle one would like to look at it.
"If we do this now, I know you would hate me, but more so yourself by tomorrow. Regretting this will be the last thing I want you to feel." He pushed me slightly away from him, brushing the tendrils of my hair to the side of my face as he glided his fingers against my cheeks. "Now, go to sleep."
Like an obedient child, I closed my eyes. "Good night, Scarlet," stroking my hair and gently brushing his lips against my forehead. Feeling calm and protected, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to let go.
Immediately, the darkness swallowed my consciousness, and I fell into a deep slumber. No dreams. Completely void of nightmares.
Feeling his body enveloping me with his embrace created a protective cloak that warded of the unwanted thoughts. I never experienced being this comforted and relaxed with someone for a very long time.
"I need to get him off my head," I voiced out loud to myself as I twisted my head side to side to shake the memories away. After thirty minutes of soaking in the water, I had to give up. It would seem nothing could make me forget what I did last night.
Walking back to my room, the ringing of my phone startled me away from my wondering. Seeing the name of Gemma on the front screen was a welcome relief as I picked up the phone on the nightstand.
Luckily, I discovered that I left my phone in the room last night. My initial thought that I lost it together with my handbag in the bar was wrong. I should stop by the bar later to check if I left my bag there by any chance, I mentally noted.
"Hey, Scarlet... Where are you?" She said as soon as I answered the call. Patting my hair dry with a towel, I quickly sat on the edge of my bed and answered her.
"Sorry, I was in the shower. Just woke up." I made my excuse hoping she would buy it.
"Oh, ok... Well, meet us downstairs so we could have brunch." She sounded so cheerful that I could not help but felt uplifted. She was just what I needed.
"Sure. Meet you in 10 minutes." I hang up the phone and hastily got ready to meet them. She was concerned that I had not emerged from my room since this morning, and I was already late for our breakfast for almost an hour. I made an excused that I had overslept, and my phone was in silent mode.
It was quite embarrassing to walk in the front desk in the lobby early this morning, with messy hair and my clothes from last night, like I just walked out from someone else bed. That reminded me I just did. Then, to explain that I lost my bag, and would like to request a new key card for my room.
That was certainly something I should refrain from doing again, scolding myself as I slid into the elevator on the way down to meet the couple.
Checking my phone, it had three missed calls and several messages coming from her. No wonder Gemma was so frantic. However, there were eight missed calls and two text messages from Daniel, and then one message from mom, ranging from last night until this morning.
I decided to make a quick text to my mom that I was out with Gemma and another text to Daniel that I would call him later. I hope that would suffice for now. Hurriedly, I made my way to meet up with the happy couple, where I planned to have a great brunch.
"What happened to you this morning?" Gemma asked as soon as I got seated at our table.
"I had a few drinks last night, just wanted to relax. I guessed it made me oversleep," explaining, in not so many words, the reason for being late.
We continued to talk about the wedding but ended up without an exact concrete plan. Later on, Gemma asked me for more details of last night. I was not proud of it, but I lied.
I opted not to inform Gemma of my transgression. It was something I was not ready to share. Instead, I told her I had a few drinks in my room, causing my slight hangover.
Making some alibi about feeling a bit off because of my headache, which in this case, I was suffering, I went straight back to our apartment. James and Gemma still had other plans, and I have no more strength to tackle them, not wishing to run into Nathan again.
Life was not supposed to be this complicated, but mine was.