Fifty

"HOW SO?"

"I was desperate, a part of me was scared shitless that I would die and the pitiful boy would die after me. The anger consumed me, and I just… exploded. All the power flowed out of me at once, like a tsunami building up until it comes down at once destroying everything."

Remembering this isn't so good as I first thought. Now I get why I kind of forgot about this. Or better, why I made myself forget about it.

"When I realized I was covered in that black-pitch fog, and the life of everything around me had been drained. The men were on the ground, their shadow was nowhere to be seen, their body seemed to be imploding from the inside, as their skin got darker and darker, and then they just… because dust. I didn't think much of it on the moment, I was scared the boy had also been caught up on that shit, but when I turned to where I had thrown him, he was still floating in the air. I unconsciously kept him up there, while the ground was devastated."

He held my left hand, "Later you told us you had no idea of the effect on humans."

"I kind of repressed these memories on the confines of my mind. And it's not like I was going to tell them I had killed three people before," I scoffed, felling nauseous.

"Hope, you didn't kill them. You defended yourself. You saved the boy."

"Pretty sure I still killed them, though." I mumbled. "But well, when I got to the boy, I told him not to worry anymore, because he was safe, and I had saved him. Just for him to get up, and leave. Well, I don't blame him, he must have been scared. And with a reason. I wouldn't have stayed either. But yeah, after that I never saw the kid again, I hope he's was able to survive another day. Poor kid was really unfortunate."

"You didn't tell him your name or something?"

"No. He didn't talk, so I didn't talk much either. Not about myself, at least," I rolled my shoulders. "And well, after that I ran away and later the Duke closed of the territory, and everyone was alarmed thinking that enemies forces had infiltrated by the woods or something. Some even believed that someone tried to summon monsters there," which wouldn't be so ridiculous.

Jay kissed my hand, "That's wouldn't be surprising. After all, none of them would have been able to identify that as shadow magic. Even the north would have an extreme difficulty to do so, since no one there, not even the Late Duke and the Late Duchess', had ever seen shadow magic with their own eyes. No one had."

Sigh, "That's why I was thankful the boy seemed to be blind and unable to talk."

"Maybe he could be faking."

"Maybe. But I doubt it." I ate more of my meat, "Back to how people thought an invasion had happened, it was good that they thought that. Otherwise, they could have connected the dots to me, and that would be troublesome. Regarding my magic, from the second it all came out of me I realized what it was, since I had read a mention of it one of the books about the magic of mom's house. And though it was different than I expected, it easy to tell. So, I became very aware of lots of things at such an young age, like the fact that my father would 100% use me if he knew what I had. Not just the shadow magic, but the thunder magic and the telekinesis also. So, I do what I had to do for my good."

"That's tough for 5 year old child. But it shows how clever you already were at such an age, since most kids wouldn't eve be able to name that magic of yours if they were in your place at that moment. However, it worked, didn't it? I mean, at least it did for most of your life. You were extra careful in a worrisome way, but now you can act as you wish," he caressed my hand again, "you don't have to hide anymore. And you aren't alone. You have me."

His words made me feel something strange in my belly and I felt my cheeks burn again. "Yes. It'll still be dangerous as you said it before, but it's good to be able to just be myself for once. It's a relief not having to worry about losing control and making people realize what I kept within me accidentally. All of that worrisome possibilities made my anxiety go up to the skies."

"I can help you if you want. You know? With training. I'm a warrior after all, and I think I can help you with your magic. At least, I can try. But again, only if you want my help," he said it all very carefully and it was adorable. "Although I know you are very much able to get better at it by yourself."

Smiling, I bounced my head, "I would love your help on this. As I never had anyone to actually help me with my magic, I guess it's an amazing opportunity. Especially since I know how good you are with magic and incantations."

He pushed his chair a little far from the table, and still holding my hand, he took me out of mine and made me sit on his lap, then played with the streaks of my hair that were charmingly falling over the sides of my head, "You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen," Jay whispered, smiling.

I caressed his cheeks, "And you have the most charming dimples ever," I whispered back, going forward. "Do you have blue eyes? Like blue as ice?"

My question caught him by surprise, I could tell, "You think I have blue eyes?"

"In my mind, yes," a wave of shyness washed over me and I bit my lips. "Ice blue. I don't know, but it fits your image in my mind. You seem all cold and intimidating from afar, with your snowy silver hair, and this mysterious air surrounding you. And as I can't see your eyes, I keep trying to imagine what color are they."

Jay smirked and gave me a brief kiss, "No, babe. My eyes are not blue."

"They aren't like mine, right? Amethyst. Lilac-ish."

"Nope."

"You don't look like you have green or dark brown eyes, though," I pondered. "Maybe ruby red or something?" Although ruby-red would suit him more if he was black-haired, which he isn't .

"Wrong, wrong, and wrong," he said with that sweet grin on. "Even if you got it right the next time, I won't tell you. I like to keep the mystery."

Sigh, "No shit?" But Jay seemed amused by my sarcasm. "Are you sure they aren't ice-blue?"

He giggled, "Yes, babe. Don't worry, I'm not blind, I know what color my eyes are. And you got it all wrong."

I rolled my eyes, "Pink-ish, then?"

Jay brought his hands down and circled them around my waist, "Even if you got that right, I'm not going to tell you. But don't worry, Hope, my eyes are beautiful. I'm sure you will love to look in my eyes, as much as I love to look into yours."

"Orange? Silver? Black? Hmmm, dark pink? Maybe light pink? Or marine blue? Hazel? Light brown? Grey?" I asked myself, while caressing his mask softly.

"Stop trying to guess, Hope," he mumbled, brushing his thumb over my lips. "Speaking of different eye colors, why do you think your appearance changes when you uses your magic?"