Chapter 20: Fucking Dementors

Deadpool was still dealing with his dilemma when the dementors showed up.

They came swooping down by the dozens. Their cloaks floating in the wind, like death omens. There were at least thirty of the damn things. They were closing in and lowering their hoods at the same time. that was bad, these were some ugly motherfuckers.

"Damn, who the fuck thought that was a good idea?" Wade shouted, throwing one of his katanas to Harry. "Go for the head. With your enhancements you shouldn't be that impacted," he said, jumping up and beheading the nearest dementor. "Didn't you learn your lesson when I killed you before?" he shouted as he swung for the fences.

The dementors said nothing, not that it could if it could talk. Its head was gone. The cloak floated down to the ground, empty.

"Fuck," Harry said, catching the sword and doing the same thing. "Snape, get your slimy arse out here," he called to the bushes the potions master was hiding in. "If you're going to lurk, then fucking help," he demanded, knowing the professor should know spells that at least deflected the damn things.

"Do not speak to me that way, Potter," the man growled, readying his wand to cast the Patronus. He spoke the spell and a doe erupted from his wand. It galloped around the clearing, but it wasn't quite strong enough to make all the dementors flee. Only about three did, though they came back.

"After all this time?" Deadpool asked for no reason, though he was still killing dementors. He missed his little yellow box. At least it explained things. Damn author.

"Always," the potions master answered on reflex. Then he said, "That is none of your damn concern." He cast the spell again and again three fled, only to return a few minutes later. He gave up trying to chase them away, and he settled for keeping them off him. He cast a third time and kept it with him. He used this time to fend off the Acromantula that were still attacking.

"I have no clue what you are talking about," Wade said, looking angrily at the author for making him look stupid, who shrugged completely unaffected by his death glare. It had to be done.

Harry didn't comment, he was too busy killing the dementors, and fending off spiders. He didn't know the significance of the doe, and frankly didn't care. Though he might have, had he known. Maybe Deadpool would tell him later.

Suddenly the clearing was filled with centaurs, and they were fighting off the arachnids, while Deadpool and Harry were killing the demons. They were using spears to a great effect. The spiders were soon dwindling in numbers. Much to everyone's relief.

Poor Snuffles was hiding in the bushes. He was defenseless against all of the predators that were in the clearing. His only hope was to stay out of the way. He curled up and put his paws over his snout and closed his eyes. It was a bad time for him to be there, and if he ever found out who put those demons at the school, he was going to earn his jail time.

Hagrid came barreling into the clearing, trying to get the Acromantula to clear off and not be killed. He was begging the centaurs to stop, but more and more spiders were showing up, drawn by the drama going on, and they weren't listening to the giant. Perhaps they thought that the dementors would leave food laying around when they were done sucking souls.

"Hagrid, either kill the spiders, or clear off," Harry said, taking some control over the situation. He knew the guy was a soft heart, but couldn't he see they were fighting for their lives? Seriously.

"I can't, Harry, they are my friends," the giant sobbed, lowering his bow. He stepped back and took in the situation a bit more clearly. He then felt the dementors and was in awe when Deadpool decapitated another one.

"They watch our backs for anything else that might show," the boy said as he punched a dementor in the face. The thing flew back a few feet, then closed in on him while it screeched, until it lost its head.

"I can do that," the taller man grumbled and started scouting around the clearing, trying to ignore the carnage that was going on inside. With the effects of the dementors, and his friends being slaughtered, he was very sad.

"This is getting out of hand," Deadpool said, pulling a grenade from… somewhere. "Run," he told the centaurs, giving them a minute to listen to him. They did. "The author says to let lose the dogs of war," he said, pulling the pin and tossing it in the middle of the clearing. He grabbed Harry and jumped as far as he could.

Snape, seeing everyone that had been fighting clear out, ran as fast as he could. The explosion caught him unawares, and he was thrown into a tree with great force. He flopped down bonelessly to the ground. He didn't move right away.

Spider parts flew everywhere, and there wasn't one left alive in the clearing. The noise from the explosion made the ones that had been heading that way, leave. The dementors flew higher at the impact, but they were slowly coming back down.

Deadpool and Harry saw the potions master get tossed and heard him groan. "Damn," they both said, and turned back to the dementors, who were still trying to suck their souls out.

"Well, that's one enemy down for the night," Harry said, swinging at the one near him. There were about ten remaining of the thirty that showed up. "You would think they'd leave too," he said, taking the head off the one he had been toying with.

"I don't think they are sentient," Wade said, looking at how they behaved. "It's more like instinct than anything. But they've gone so long being the apex predator that they aren't understanding that something is killing them," he explained the best he could.

"Oh, I guess that makes sense," Harry said, letting Deadpool take care of the rest while he went and checked on Sirius. "Snuffles," he called, glancing at Snape to see if he was up yet. Nope, still down. "Come on, Snuffles. I want to make sure you're okay," he said, looking in the underbrush.

He turned when he heard a gunshot. Deadpool was taking potshots at the dementors now. They were finally fleeing, with only five left.

"Woof," came the bark from Harry's feet.

"There you are," Harry exclaimed, hugging the shaking dog. "Come on, we have to check Snape," he said, going to the downed man. He checked for a pulse and found one. "Damn," he said, tapping his foot in agitation. Did he leave the man here to fend for himself or take him to the castle?

The matter was taken out of his hands when Hagrid came and hefted the man on his shoulder.

"Can't let a little thing like you haul him back," the giant said, giving Harry a not quite condescending grin. More like he just knew he was stronger than the boy. He wasn't, but he didn't know that.

"Oh, good, I was just wondering what to do with him," the boy said honestly. Sure, his thoughts were a bit harsher, but he was thinking on just that.

"I wasn't," grumbled Deadpool as he joined them.

"Are you going to continue killing the spiders?" Hagrid wanted to know.

"As long as they still attack us," Wade answered completely truthful.

"But they're just babies," the giant wailed, making the potions master groan and shift on his shoulder.

"Hagrid, they could eat a cow with no problem," Harry pointed out, not caring one bit that they were babies. They were spiders. He started walking out of the clearing, which was still littered with Acromantula and dementor parts. He knew the scavengers were going to feast tonight, and he wanted to be gone before they got there. He had had enough fighting today.

"Well, sure, but they're still just babies," Hagrid said, hefting the unconscious man into a better position. He followed the boy, nodding to the centaurs, who were watching, their bows at the ready.

Harry and Deadpool waved to the horsemen, and they continued on their way. they knew they'd see them again tomorrow.

"If they leave us alone, we'll think about it," Deadpool said, lying through his teeth. He'd hunt them down unless they moved further in the forest. There was no reason for such things to be near the school.

They were out of the trees by now and they were joined by the headmaster and the deputy headmistress. "What was that noise?" McGonagall asked as she came up to them. "And what has happened to Severus?" she added seeing the potions master's position.

"We were attacked by spiders and dementors," Harry said, like it was a big surprise. "We were sparring, Snape here was watching, and they came out of nowhere and attacked us," he spun his story with threads of truth.

"Dementors?" she exclaimed, shocked to the core. "How are you still alive?" she quickly looked them over to see if there were any signs of trauma, there didn't seem to be. They both looked healthy and hearty.

"They can be beheaded," Deadpool said, only he was affecting a bored tone. "It was child's play," he added for affect. He pulled out his katanas and showed them to the two professors. "These babies can cut through anything," he said, putting them away.

"But their auras," the poor woman stammered, not understanding how they could withstand the demons. "How…"

"I didn't feel anything," the chibi man offered, looking to Harry.

"I was a bit sad, but that's it," he confirmed, looking to Hagrid.

"I felt the whole of it," the giant confessed, shuddering at the memory.

"Woof," Sirius said, wanting to agree with Hagrid.

"Hey, Hagrid, how did you escape the explosion?" Wade asked, not remembering the man running for it.

"That? Well, it did tickle a bit, but it will take more than that to hurt ole Hagrid," Hagrid said, puffing up his chest. He was far enough away from the blast that he only caught a bit of wind.

"That is good to know. You're like Colossus. It takes quite a lot to damage him too. Though, he is made of metal," Deadpool said, the last under his breath.

"I reckon, I'd like to meet him," Hagrid said, patting Deadpool on the shoulder, making the masked man fall to his knees. "Someone that can take that kind of beating is worth meeting," he added.

"Not if I can help it," the costumed man muttered, getting off the ground and moving away from the giant.

"Do you mean to tell me that you two boys took on and kill dementors?" McGonagall asked, in shock. "I don't believe it. I mean, it can't be. You are just children," she kept mumbling, her shock was that great.

"Be that as it may," Dumbledore said, taking control of the conversation, "what happened to Severus? And what was that noise? It shook the whole castle," he stated, exaggerating a bit. The explosion might have rattled a few windows, but it didn't shake the castle.

"I threw a grenade, and Snape didn't move fast enough," was the succinct answer from Deadpool.

"What is a grenade?" the old man asked, peering over his spectacles.

"It makes a big boom and kills anything close to it," was the simplified answer.

"And you carry these around with you?" McGonagall asked still in shock over the two boys' survival.

"Don't you?" Wade asked, with a great deal of cheek.

"Don't be ridiculous, why ever would I?" she said, offended that he would even think such a thing.

"So you can kill a shitload of spiders?" Deadpool deadpanned. He winked at the fourth wall and smirked at Harry.

"Watch your language," came the reprimand. "Come along. It is past time you two were in bed," she said instead, and smartly turned as if expected for all to follow her. They did.

"Well, this was fun," Harry said once they got to the common room. "Do you think Snape is going to be okay?" he asked as he sat next to the sleeping Luna.

"Probably, knowing our luck," Deadpool said, taking a seat in one of the chairs. "You do realize that I have taken care of years one, two, three and five, right?" he said out of nowhere.

"What on earth are you talking about? We've only been here a week," Harry said, yawning and stretching. He was dog tired. Snuffles yawned with him.

"Never mind, just know that if I leave soon, which I'm not sure is going to happen, your life will be much easier. That and you're superpowered and all," Wade said, getting up and picking up Luna to take her to bed.

"That is good to know," Harry said, getting up to go to bed. Snuffles got up to follow. "What are you going to do?" he asked, not sure if the man was tired.

"I'm going to make a start on year six," came the strange answer.

"Well, good luck," Harry said, not sure what the man meant, but he knew it would be to his benefit.

"I won't need it. I have skill," the masked man said, turning towards the girls' dorm. He made his way down the hall and slowly opened the door to Luna's shared room. The other girls were sleeping, so he snuck in and put her on the empty bed. "Good night, Luna," he said, softly.

"Night, Wade," she muttered in her sleep.

He left and went to the empty common room. "Well, no time like the present," he said as he left the Slytherin dorms. "Off to the RoR."