Introduction

How to Get Anything You Want

from Anybody (Well, at Least

Have the Best Crack at It!)

Have you ever admired those successful people who seem to"have

it all"? You see them chatting confidently at business meetings or

comfortably at social parties. They're the ones with the best jobs,

the nicest spouses, the finest friends, the biggest bank accounts, or

the most fashionable zip codes.

But wait a minute! A lot of them aren't smarter than you.

They're not more educated than you. They're not even better looking! So what is it? (Some people suspect they inherited it. Others

say they married it or were just plain lucky. Tell them to think

again.) What it boils down to is their more skillful way of dealing with fellow human beings.

You see, nobody gets to the top alone. Over the years, people

who seem to "have it all" have captured the hearts and conquered

the minds of hundreds of others who helped boost them, rung by

rung, to the top of whatever corporate or social ladder they chose.

Wanna-bes wandering around at the foot of the ladder often

gaze up and grouse that the big boys and big girls at the top are

snobs. When big players don't give them their friendship, love, or

business, they call them "cliquish" or accuse them of belonging to

an "old-boy network." Some grumble they hit their heads against

a "glass ceiling."

The complaining Little Leaguers never realize the rejection

was their own fault. They'll never know they blew the affair, the

How to Get Anything You Want

from Anybody (Well, at Least

Have the Best Crack at It!)

✰

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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.

friendship, or the deal because of their own communications fumbles. It's as though well-liked people have a bag of tricks, a magic,

or a Midas touch that turns everything they do into success.

What's in their bag of tricks? You'll find a lot of things: a substance that solidifies friendships, a wizardry that wins minds, and

a magic that makes people fall in love with them. They also possess a quality that makes bosses hire and then promote, a characteristic that keeps clients coming back, and an asset that makes

customers buy from them and not the competition. We all have a

few of those tricks in our bags, some more than others. Those with

a whole lot of them are big winners in life. How to Talk to Anyone

gives you ninety-two of these little tricks they use every day so

you, too, can play the game to perfection and get whatever you

want in life.

How the "Little Tricks" Were Unveiled

Many years ago, a drama teacher, exasperated at my bad acting in

a college play, shouted, "No! No! Your body is belying your words.

Every tiny movement, every body position," he howled, "divulges

your private thoughts. Your face can make seven thousand different expressions, and each exposes precisely who you are and what

you are thinking at any particular moment." Then he said something I'll never forget: "And your body! The way you move is your

autobiography in motion."

How right he was! On the stage of real life, every physical

move you make subliminally tells everyone in eyeshot the story of

your life. Dogs hear sounds our ears can't detect. Bats see shapes

in the darkness that elude our eyes. And people make moves that

are beneath human consciousness but have tremendous power to

attract or repel. Every smile, every frown, every syllable you utter,

or every arbitrary choice of word that passes between your lips can

draw others toward you or make them want to run away.

Men—did your gut feeling ever tell you to jump ship on a

deal? Women—did your women's intuition make you accept or

reject an offer? On a conscious level, we may not be aware of what

the hunch is. But like the ear of the dog or the eye of the bat, the

elements that make up subliminal sentiments are very real.

Imagine, please, two humans in a complex box wired with circuits to record all the signals flowing between the two. As many

as ten thousand units of information flow per second. "Probably

the lifetime efforts of roughly half the adult population of the

United States would be required to sort the units in one hour's

interaction between two subjects," a University of Pennsylvania

communications authority estimates.1

With the zillions of subtle actions and reactions zapping back

and forth between two human beings, can we come up with concrete techniques to make our every communication clear, confident, credible, and charismatic?

Determined to find the answer, I read practically every book

written on communications skills, charisma, and chemistry

between people. I explored hundreds of studies conducted around

the world on what qualities made up leadership and credibility.

Intrepid social scientists left no stone unturned in their quest to

find the formula. For example, optimistic Chinese researchers,

hoping charisma might be in the diet, went so far as to compare

the relationship of personality type to the catecholamine level in

subjects' urine.2 Needless to say, their thesis was soon shelved.

Dale Carnegie Was GREAT for the

Twentieth Century, but This Is the

Twenty-First

Most of the studies simply confirmed Dale Carnegie's 1936 classic,

How to Win Friends and Influence People.

3 His wisdom for the ages

said success lay in smiling, showing interest in other people, and

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making them feel good about themselves. "That's no surprise," I

thought. It's as true today as it was more than sixty years ago.

So if Dale Carnegie and hundreds of others since offer the

same astute advice, why do we need another book telling us how

to win friends and influence people? Two mammoth reasons.

Reason One: Suppose a sage told you, "When in China,

speak Chinese," but gave you no language lessons? Dale Carnegie

and many communications experts are like that sage. They tell us

what to do but not how to do it. In today's sophisticated world,

it's not enough to say "smile" or "give sincere compliments." Cynical businesspeople today see more subtleties in your smile, more

complexities in your compliment. Accomplished or attractive people are surrounded by smiling sycophants feigning interest and

fawning all over them. Prospects are tired of salespeople who say,

"The suit looks great on you," when their fingers are caressing cash

register keys. Women are wary of suitors who say, "You are beautiful," when the bedroom door is in view.

Reason Two: The world is a very different place than it was

in 1936, and we need a new formula for success. To find it, I

observed the superstars of today. I explored techniques used by

top salespeople to close the sale, speakers to convince, clergy to

convert, performers to engross, sex symbols to seduce, and athletes to win.

I found concrete building blocks to the elusive qualities that

lead to their success. Then I broke them down into easily digestible,

news-you-can-use techniques. I gave each a name that will quickly

come to mind when you find yourself in a communications conundrum. As I developed the techniques, I began sharing them with

audiences around the country. Participants in my communications

seminars gave me their ideas. My clients, many of them CEOs of

Fortune 500 companies, enthusiastically offered their observations.

When I was in the presence of the most successful and

beloved leaders, I analyzed their body language and their facial

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expressions. I listened carefully to their casual conversations, their

timing, and their choice of words. I watched as they dealt with

their families, friends, associates, and adversaries. Every time I

detected a little nip of magic in their communicating, I asked

them to pluck it out with tweezers and expose it to the bright light

of consciousness. We analyzed it together, and I then turned it

into an easy-to-do "little trick" others could duplicate and profit

from.

My findings and the strokes of some of those very effective

folks are in this book. Some are subtle. Some are surprising. But

all are achievable. When you master them, everyone from new

acquaintances to family, friends, and business associates will happily open their hearts, homes, companies, and even wallets to give

you whatever they can.

There's a bonus. As you sail through life with your new communications skills, you'll look back and see some very happy givers

smiling in your wake