How to Trap a Rat with Class

In Japan, some citizens prefer to lose their lives rather than to lose

face. In America, the same death wish exists, with one modification. The Yank dreams of the death of the mortal who made him

lose face.

Why make enemies? Unless it is your obligation to catch

cheaters or entrap liars, let them get away with it. Then immediately get them out of your life and the lives you're responsible for.

Even when the case is open and shut against someone—when

you've got the rat fink trapped—leave him an escape hatch.

The best example I heard of this high sensitivity was from one

of my clients. She was invited to brunch at the home of a wealthy

socialite known as "Lady Stephanie." Lady Stephanie's home was

filled with beautiful objets d'art. Not the least among them was

an exquisite collection of extremely valuable Fabergé eggs, which

all the guests admired.

At the end of the elegant champagne brunch, my client told

me she was walking out the door chatting with several other

guests. Just then, Lady Stephanie sidled up to one woman leaving

at the same time as my client. "Oh, I'm so happy you were admiring my Fabergé collection," Lady Stephanie said, sliding her hand

into the pocket of the guest's mink coat and plucking out one of

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How to Trap a Rat

with Class

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her priceless eggs. "You must have wanted to see this one in the

sunlight. Come, let us look at it together. It does reflect the bright

light beautifully."

The mink-clad thief gulped and furtively looked around to

see who had witnessed her gentle entrapment. My client and

everyone in the foyer saw what happened, but took Lady

Stephanie's lead and pretended naïveté of the attempted heist.

Carrying the charade a step further, Lady Stephanie and the

sticky-fingered guest "admired the egg in the sunlight." Then Lady

Stephanie, with her Fabergé egg secured safely between her perfectly manicured fingers, marched home to put the treasure in its

rightful place. The attempted egg snatcher crawled back to her car,

from her last attendance at Lady Stephanie's coveted bashes. The

hostess let the foiled filcher get away with a few slivered shreds of

her ego left intact.

Why did Lady Stephanie come out ahead? Everyone who witnessed—and subsequently heard about—the thwarted burglary

has renewed respect for Lady Stephanie. Snaring the thief, yet

sparing her pride, helped Lady Stephanie keep her reputation of

"hostess with the mostest."

Why do big winners let bad-news people get away with bummers? Because, like mothers confronting naughty children to correct them, confronting creeps is a way of saying "I care." By

closing your mouth (and then the door forever), you are saying,

"You are so beneath me I'm not going to even waste my words on

you."

"Mea Culpa!"

Big winners leave an escape hatch for the small foibles of friends

they wish to keep by taking the blame themselves. If a friend gets

lost and is an hour late arriving at your house, tell her "Those

directions I gave you were terrible." He breaks your Limoges bowl?

"Oh I shouldn't have left it in such a precarious position." It's the

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old mea culpa routine that endears you to everyone, especially

when they realize it wasn't your fault.

Residents of Toronto, Canada, have a well-earned reputation

for grace. They demonstrated it last year in a downtown Toronto

drugstore. A shopper attempted to stroll out through the security

system with a purloined object in his pocket. Instead of a shrill

alarm shattering all shoppers' eardrums, as in many American

cities, a tasteful little chime sounded. A charming voice came

across the public address. "Excuse us, we have failed to inactivate

the inventory control system. Thank you for your patience while

you wait for a customer care representative to come help you." Isn't

that a nicer way of saying "Freeze, punk, while we come frisk

you?"

Now let's move on to the next technique to keep people from

messing up—and to help them give you their very best.