How to Talk When You’re in Other Countries

Say you're traveling abroad on business and you want to be a

"global insider." What's the first thing on your to-do list? Get a

passport and a phrase book, right? After all, who wants to wander

around Rome not knowing how to ask for a restroom? Or be

thirsty in Kuala Lumpur not knowing how to ask for a soda? However, there's something most of us forget to pack, often with dire

consequences—a book on international customs.

A friend of mine, a fellow speaker named Geraldine, was

excited about her first speech in Japan. To be comfy on her long

flight to Tokyo, she donned her favorite designer jeans and a casual

jacket. Fourteen hours and 6,737 miles later, four impeccably

dressed Japanese gentlemen greeted her at Narita Airport. Smiling and bowing low, they handed her their business cards. With

her carry-on bag in one hand, Geri took their cards with the other.

She thanked them, glanced briefly at the cards, and packed them

safely into her back pocket. She then pulled one of her business

cards out of her purse and, sensitive to the fact that they might

have difficulty pronouncing Geraldine, wrote her nickname "Geri"

above her printed name. The gentlemen hovered over her card,

turning it over to examine it a few times, before one of them put

it in his briefcase.

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162 How to Talk to Anyone

When the five of them arrived at the hotel, they invited Geri

for tea in the lobby. While sipping tea, the gentlemen presented

her with a small gift which she eagerly opened. One of Geri's most

charming qualities is her instinctive warmth and effusiveness. She

was thrilled with the gift and, in typical Geri style, she squealed,

"Oh, it's beautiful!" as she gave each of the gentlemen a little hug.

At this point, the four Japanese gentlemen stood up in unison like four frowning Siamese twins and, bowing only very

slightly, mumbled "Sayonara" and promptly left. Poor Geri was

flabbergasted. What did she do wrong?

Everything! First, the jeans. Even if you're coming off a bicycle in Asia, you do not meet clients casually dressed. The second

mistake was Geri's vulgar handling of their business cards. In Asia,

the business card is one of the most important protocol tools. It

is always presented and accepted reverently with both hands.

(Except in Moslem Asia where the left hand is considered

unclean.)

Geri then put their cards away much too quickly. In Asia, people use business cards as a conversation starter. You chat about each

other's cards and work and do not put theirs away until they gently and respectfully place yours in safekeeping. Shoving it into her

back jeans pocket was the ultimate disrespect.

Geri didn't discover her fourth gaffe until she returned home.

One of her colleagues Bill, a seasoned business traveler, analyzed

the fiasco for her. Bill told her the reason the gentlemen had turned

Geraldine's card over and over when she gave it to them at the airport was to find her name, title, and company printed in Japanese

on the other side. The flip side of Geri's card was, of course, blank.

Then, fifth horror of horrors, Geri should not have written on

the card. Cards in Asia are not exactly sacred, but one should never

deface them with messy handwriting.

The sad tale of Geri and the Japanese gets worse. Bill broke

the bad news to her: she should not have opened the gift in front

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of her clients. Why? Because in a land where saving face is critical, it would be embarrassing to discover the gift they gave was

not as nice as the one they received. (Yikes, Geri hadn't even given

them a gift!) Gaffe number seven.

Geri's little squeal when receiving the gift was also a boo-boo.

In Asia, the lower the tone of voice, the higher the rank. The final

flub was, of course, giving the gentlemen a thank-you hug. Hugging, highly revered in certain parts of the world is, in Japan, absolutely unacceptable with a new client.

Needless to say, Geri has not been invited back to Japan.

However, she does have a gig coming up in El Salvador. This time

she's smart. She's studying up on the customs there. Happily, she's

finding she can hug to her heart's content. However she shouldn't

use her (or anybody else's) first name. Oh, and she must not introduce herself as an "American." After all, Salvadorans are Americans, too!

The differences 'round the world go on and on. Whenever I

travel, I have to hit myself over the head and realize I'm not in the

anything-goes ol' USA. I love to travel in jeans, I'm an incurable

hugger, and I can't wait to see what's in a gift box anybody gives

me. However, whenever I plan to leave Uncle Sam's shores, I check

on foreign customs to see how much of myself I can be.

How to Talk When You're in Other Countries 163

Technique #42

Clear "Customs"

Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on

dos and taboos around the world. Before you shake

hands, give a gift, make gestures, or even compliment

anyone's possessions, check it out. Your gaffe could gum

up your entire gig.

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There are some excellent books on international customs.

You'll find the names of a few in the notes.17–19

Don't be like another hapless colleague of mine who almost

blew a big business deal with a Brazilian. Just before signing the

contract, he gave the OK sign with his thumb and forefinger. Little did he know he was telling his new business partner to go have

intercourse with himself. You never know until it's too late.

Now we come to where being an insider shows immediate,

tangible, and calculable rewards. And where being an outsider

really hurts—right in your pocket or purse.