How to Sound Like You Know All About Their Job or Hobby

Even more insidious than hobby-talk is job-speak, or "Jobbledygook." I still harbor social nightmares of the evening I attended a

party thrown by a couple who worked in computer database management. As I walked in the door, I overheard one chap saying to

another, "When the domain relational calculus is restricted to safe

expressions, it's equivalent to the turple relational. . . ."

That's all I stayed around for. I knew I wasn't going to understand one bit or byte of conversation the rest of the evening. It

made me long for the days when a mouse meant the furry little

fellow who loves cheese, windows were the kind you bought

drapes for, and the web was something spiders trapped flies in. I

knew I was going to need some technical support if I was going

to be compatible with this crowd.

I decided then and there to learn some of the opening questions database management types ask each other. Which I did.

Now I can't wait for a second chance at that crowd because I'm

armed with questions like "What raid level are you using?" and

"What data warehousing product do you use?"

All you need are a few insider opening questions to get you

started with any group. You ask questions, listen to the responses,

and indulge in elementary on-target conversation with them for a

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How to Sound Like You

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moment or two about their field. (Then change the subject ASAP!

You don't want to fake you are more knowledgeable about their

field than you really are.)

It's All in the Opening Question

A tennis player can tell immediately from just appraising your

opening serve how good a player you are. Is it going to be great

playing with you or a real bore? It's the same in communicating.

Just from your verbal opening serve, someone knows if it's going

to be interesting talking with you about their life or interests—or

dull, dull, dull.

For example, suppose I'm introduced to someone and the first

words out of her mouth are, "Oh, you're a writer. When are you

going to write the great American novel?" Yikes, I know I'm talking with someone who is unfamiliar with my world. We'll chat, but

I prefer to change the subject. And soon, my conversation partner.

If, however, my new acquaintance says, "Oh you're a writer.

Do you write fiction or nonfiction?" Bingo! Now I know I'm with

a person who knows about my world. Why? Because that is the

first question all writers ask each other. I enjoy talking to this

inquisitor because I presume she has more insights into the writing world. Even if we quickly get off the subject of writing, she

has come across as a well-informed individual.

Every job, every sport, every interest has insider opening questions that everybody in the same field asks—and its dumb outsider questions that they never ask each other. When an astronaut

meets another astronaut, he asks, "What missions have you been

on?" (Never "How do you go to the bathroom up there?") A dentist asks another dentist, "Are you in general practice or do you

have a specialty?" (Never "Heard any good pain jokes lately?")

The good news is beginning Jobbledygook is an easy language.

You don't need to master buzzwords, only a few opening questions

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to make you sound like an insider. Then—here's the fun part—

when you tell them you're not connected to their field, they're all

the more impressed. "What a knowledgeable person!" they say to

themselves.

"Help! Everybody There Will Be

an Artist"

It's not hard to harvest good Jobbledygook. Let's say you've been

invited to a gallery opening where you'll be meeting many artists.

If you don't speak artist, go through your Rolodex to see if you

have an artist friend or two.

Aha, you found one. Well, sort of. Your friend Sally attended

art school. You call her up and ask, "Sally, I know this sounds silly

but I've been invited to an event where I'm bound to be talking

with a lot of artists. Could you give me a few good questions to

ask?" Sally might find your query a tad unusual, but your diligence

should impress her.

Maybe she'll say, "Well, ask artists what medium they work in."

"Medium?" you ask.

"Sure," she'll tell you. "That's the insider's way to ask if they

work with acrylics, oil, charcoal, pen, and so forth."

"Oh."

"Don't ask artists to describe their work," she warns. "They

feel theirs is a visual medium that can't be described."

"Oh."

"And don't ask them if their work is in a gallery."

"Oh?"

"That could be a sore point. Instead ask 'Is there anyplace I

might see your work?' They'll love that because, even if they're

not represented by a gallery, they can invite you to their studio to

possibly buy their work.