How to Sound Close (Even if You’re Hundreds of Miles Away)

When you're not sitting across from each other resting your elbows

on the same desk, your forks on the same table, or your heads on

the same pillow, you need a substitute for intimacy. How can you

create closeness when the two of you are hundreds of miles apart?

How can you make the person you're talking to on the phone feel

special when you can't pat their back or give them a little hug?

The answer is simple. Just use your caller's name far more

often than you would in person. In fact, shower your conversations with his or her name. When your listener hears it, it's like

receiving a verbal caress:

"Thanks, Sam."

"Let's do it, Betty."

"Hey, Demetri, why not?"

"It's really been good talking to you, Kathi."

Saying a person's name too often in face-to-face conversation

sounds manipulative. However, on the phone the effect is dramatically different. If you heard someone say your name, even if

you were being jostled around in a big noisy crowd, you'd perk up

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and listen. Likewise, when your phone partner hears his or her own

name coming through the receiver, it commands attention and recreates the familiarity the phone robs from you.

If your listener is drifting, it brings him right back. If she's

opening mail, she stops. If he's picking his teeth, he pulls the pick

out. When you say someone's name on the phone, it's like yanking the person into the room with you.

How to Sound Close (Even if You're Hundreds of Miles Away) 235

Technique #61

Name Shower

People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it

more often on the phone than you would in person to

keep their attention. Your caller's name re-creates the

eye contact, the caress, you might give in person.

Saying someone's name repeatedly when face-to-face

sounds pandering. But because there is physical distance

between you on the phone—sometimes you're a continent apart—you can spray your conversation with it.