How to Secretly Learn About Their Lives

Let's say your paper carrier has just hurled the newspaper from his

bike to your front door. You pour a cup of coffee and get comfortable to catch up on what's happening in the world. Your world,

that is. Do you flip first to the international news? The fashion section? The sports page? The entertainment section? Maybe the

comics?

Whichever section you usually flip to first, tomorrow DON'T.

Turn to any other section, preferably one you hardly ever read.

Why? Because it will familiarize you with other worlds so that you

can soon discuss anything with anybody, no matter how little you

have in common.

How about the real estate section? Yawn. Maybe you don't

find real estate especially engrossing. However, sooner or later

you're going to find yourself with a group of people who are discussing properties, deals, and today's market. Scanning the real

estate section just once every few weeks will keep you au courant

with their conversation.

The advertising column? Maybe you think the world would

be a far, far better place without Madison Avenue. But your bottom line won't be better off if you can't hold your own discussing

matters with the marketing maven you've just contracted to adver04 (143-170B) part four 8/14/03 9:18 AM Page 157

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158 How to Talk to Anyone

tise your company's widgets. Just a few peeks at the advertising

news section and you'll soon be chatting about campaigns and creative people, and doing print or TV. Instead of saying words, you'll

be saying copy. Instead of the agency, you'll be bandying about real

insider terms like the shop.

Using outsider words is one of the biggest giveaways that you

are not in the know. On the ship, if a passenger asked any of my

staff, "How long have you been working on the boat?" they'd

squelch a groan. Cruise staffers proudly worked on a ship, and the

word boat revealed the passenger as a real landlubber.

The right word can perform conversational miracles. In the

receiving line, whenever passengers asked our laconic captain,

"When did you first become a master?" or "What was your first

command?" he would hold up the entire line of people snaking

around the ballroom waiting to shake his hand. Captain Cafiero

would enthusiastically recount his naval history to the savvy

inquirer who might have just learned the words master or command last week in the newspaper shipping notices. (If the passenger had simply said, "How long have you been a captain?" or

"What was your first boat?" he or she would have gotten the captain's usual Italian gentleman's version of the bum's rush.)

Soon you'll become addicted to the high that establishing rapport with so many people gives you. All it takes is reading different sections of the newspaper.

Pump Their Pulp for Even More Fuel

Then, when you crave a bigger hit of insider lingo, start reading

trade journals. Those are the closed-circulation magazines that go

to members of various industries. Ask your friends in different jobs

to lend you one so you'll have even more fuel for the conversational fire.

All industries have one or two. You'll see big glossy rags with

names like Automotive News, Restaurant Business, Pool and Spa

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News, Trucking Industry, and even Hogs Today for people in the pig

business. (Excuse me, they call themselves "swine practitioners."

Hey, you never know when, to make your next big sale, it will help

to speak pig.) Any one issue will give you a sample of their lingo

and inform you of the hottest issues in that field.

When it comes to people's hobbies and interests, browse

through magazines on running, working out, bicycling, skiing,

swimming, and surfing. Large magazine stores carry biker rags,

boxer rags, bowler rags, even bull-riding rags. You'll find thousands

of special-interest magazines published every month.

Several years ago, I got hooked on buying a different one each

week. It paid off quickly when a potential consulting client invited

me to dinner at her home. She had a beautiful garden and, thanks

to Flower and Garden Magazine, I could throw out insider terms

like ornamentals, annuals, and perennials. I could even keep up

when the discussion turned to the advantages of growing from

seeds or bulbs.

Because I was so fluent in "flower," she invited me to take a

longer walk with her to see her private back gardens. As we