How to Praise with Perfect Timing

I'll never forget the first time I gave a luncheon speech in front of

strangers. I'd practiced for the stuffed animals on my bed and my

roommate, Christine, but this was my debut in front of a real

audience.

As I shakily got to my feet, I looked out at seventeen smiling

Rotarians waiting for my words of wit and wisdom. My tongue

was dry as chalk dust, my palms as wet as a fish. The audience

might as well have been seventeen thousand judges waiting to sentence me to eternal humiliation if I didn't inform and entertain

each. I gave a last panic-stricken glance at Christine, who had

driven me to the club, and began, "Good afternoon. It gives me

great pleasure . . . "

Thirty minutes later, amidst scattered applause which I feared

was obligatory, I crawled back to my seat next to Christine. I

looked expectantly at her. She smiled and said, "You know this

dessert isn't bad. Have some."

Dessert? "Dessert! Dammit, Christine, how did I do?" I

silently screamed at her. A few minutes later Christine told me how

much she and, she assumed, everyone else enjoyed my talk. Nevertheless, by then it was too late. The crucial compliment-craving

moment had passed.

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How to Praise with

Perfect Timing

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Quick as a Hiccup, You Must

Compliment NOW

When the doctor sadistically smacks your knee with that nasty little rubber hammer, you instantly give a knee jerk. And when people make a coup, you must instantly hit them with a knee-jerk

"Wow, you were great!"

Say they've just successfully negotiated a deal, cooked a terrific Thanksgiving turkey, or sung a solo song at the birthday party.

No matter whether their accomplishment is trivial or triumphant,

you must praise it immediately—not ten minutes later, not two

minutes later—immediately. The moment the winner walks out

of the boardroom, the kitchen, the spotlight, the victor wants to

hear only one sound: "WOW!"

But What If They Really Bombed?

"Are you asking me to lie?" you ask. Yes. Absolutely, positively,

resoundingly, YES. This is one of the few moments in life where

a lie is condoned by the most ethical individuals. Big winners realize that sensitivity to an insecure performer's ego takes momentary precedence over their deep commitment to the truth. They

218 How to Talk to Anyone

Technique #57

The Knee-Jerk "Wow!"

Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment

they a finish a feat. In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction

say, "You were terrific!"

Don't worry that they won't believe you. The

euphoria of the moment has a strangely numbing effect

on the achiever's objective judgment.

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also know, when sanity returns to the recipient and they suspect

they screwed up, it won't matter. He or she will retroactively appreciate your sensitivity and forgive your compassionate falsehood.

We've talked a lot about giving compliments, both covert and

overt. Now let's talk about a skill that, for many, is even harder—

receiving them.

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