How to Make Your Smile Magically Different

In 1936, one of Dale Carnegie's six musts in How to Win Friends

and Influence People was SMILE! His edict has been echoed each

decade by practically every communications guru who ever put

pen to paper or mouth to microphone. However, at the turn of

the millennium, it's high time we reexamine the role of the smile

in high-level human relations. When you dig deeper into Dale's

dictum, you'll find a 1936 quick smile doesn't always work. Especially nowadays.

The old-fashioned instant grin carries no weight with today's

sophisticated crowd. Look at world leaders, negotiators, and corporate giants. Not a smiling sycophant among them. Key players

in all walks of life enrich their smile so, when it does erupt, it has

more potency and the world smiles with them.

Researchers have catalogued dozens of different types of

smiles. They range from the tight rubber band of a trapped liar to

the soft squishy smile of a tickled infant. Some smiles are warm

while others are cold. There are real smiles and fake smiles. (You've

seen plenty of those plastered on the faces of friends who say they're

"delighted you decided to drop by," and presidential candidates visiting your city who say they're "thrilled to be in, uh . . . uh. . . .")

5

How to Make Your

Smile Magically

Different

✰1

01 (001-042B) part one 8/14/03 9:16 AM Page 5

Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.

Big winners know their smile is one of their most powerful

weapons, so they've fine-tuned it for maximum impact.

How to Fine-Tune Your Smile

Just last year, my old college friend Missy took over her family

business, a Midwestern company supplying corrugated boxes to

manufacturers. One day she called saying she was coming to New

York to court new clients and she invited me to dinner with several of her prospects. I was looking forward to once again seeing

my friend's quicksilver smile and hearing her contagious laugh.

Missy was an incurable giggler, and that was part of her charm.

When her Dad passed away last year, she told me she was taking over the business. I thought Missy's personality was a little

bubbly to be a CEO in a tough business. But, hey, what do I know

about the corrugated box biz?

She, three of her potential clients, and I met in the cocktail

lounge of a midtown restaurant and, as we led them into the dining room, Missy whispered in my ear, "Please call me Melissa

tonight."

"Of course," I winked back, "not many company presidents

are called Missy!" Soon after the maître d' seated us, I began noticing Melissa was a very different woman from the giggling girl I'd

known in college. She was just as charming; she smiled as much

as ever. Yet something was different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Although she was still effervescent, I had the distinct impression everything Melissa said was more insightful and sincere. She

was responding with genuine warmth to her prospective clients,

and I could tell they liked her, too. I was thrilled because my

friend was scoring a knockout that night. By the end of the evening, Melissa had three big new clients.

6 How to Talk to Anyone

01 (001-042B) part one 8/14/03 9:16 AM Page 6

Afterward, alone with her in the cab, I said, "Missy, you've

really come a long way since you took over the company. Your

whole personality has developed, well, a really cool, sharp corporate edge."

"Uh uh, only one thing has changed," she said.

"What's that?"

"My smile," she said.

"Your what?" I asked incredulously.

"My smile," she repeated as though I hadn't heard her. "You

see," she said, with a distant look coming into her eyes, "when Dad

got sick and knew in a few years I'd have to take over the business,

he sat me down and had a life-changing conversation with me. I'll

never forget his words. Dad said, 'Missy, Honey, remember that

old song, "I Loves Ya, Honey, But Yer Feet's Too Big"? Well, if

you're going to make it big in the box business, let me say, "I loves

ya, Honey, but your smile's too quick." '

"He then brought out a yellowed newspaper article quoting a

study he'd been saving to show me when the time was right. It concerned women in business. The study showed women who were

slower to smile in corporate life were perceived as more credible."

As Missy talked, I began to think about history-making

women like Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir,

Madeleine Albright, and other powerful women of their ilk. Not

one was known for her quick smile.

Missy continued, "The study went on to say a big, warm smile

is an asset. But only when it comes a little slower, because then it

has more credibility." From that moment on, Missy explained, she

gave clients and business associates her big smile. However, she

trained her lips to erupt more slowly. Thus her smile appeared

more sincere and personalized for the recipient.

That was it! Missy's slower smile gave her personality a richer,

deeper, more sincere cachet. Though the delay was less than a secHow to Make Your Smile Magically Different 7

01 (001-042B) part one 8/14/03 9:16 AM Page 7

ond, the recipients of her beautiful big smile felt it was special and

just for them.

I decided to do more research on the smile. When you're in

the market for shoes, you begin to look at everyone's feet. When

you decide to change your hairstyle, you look at everyone's haircut. Well, for several months, I became a steady smile watcher. I

watched smiles on the street. I watched smiles on TV. I watched

the smiles of politicians, the clergy, corporate giants, and world

leaders. My findings? Amid the sea of flashing teeth and parting

lips, I discovered the people perceived to have the most credibility and integrity were just ever so slower to smile. Then, when they

did, their smiles seemed to seep into every crevice of their faces

and envelop them like a slow flood. Thus I call the following technique "The Flooding Smile."