How to Make Them Feel You “Don’t Smile at Just Anybody”

Have you ever seen those low-budget, mail-order fashion catalogues that use the same model throughout? Whether she is

engulfed in a wedding gown or partially clad in a bikini, her face

sports the same plastic smile. Looking at her, you get the feeling

if you rapped on her forehead, a tiny voice would come back saying "Nobody's in here."

Whereas models in more sophisticated magazines have mastered a myriad of different expressions: a flirtatious "I've got a

secret" smile on one page; a quizzical "I think I'd like to get to

know you but I'm not sure" smile on the next; and a mysterious

Mona Lisa smile on the third. You feel there's a brain running the

operation somewhere inside that beautiful head.

I once stood in the receiving line of the ship I worked on,

along with the captain, his wife, and several other officers. One

passenger with a radiant smile started shaking hands down our

line. When he got to me, he flashed a shimmering smile, revealing teeth as even and white as keys on a new piano. I was transfixed. It was as though a brilliant light had illuminated the dim

ballroom. I wished him a happy cruise and resolved to find this

charming gentleman later.

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How to Make Them Feel

You "Don't Smile at

Just Anybody"

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Then he was introduced to the next person. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his identical glistening grin. A third person,

the same grin. My interest began to dwindle.

When he gave his fourth indistinguishable smile to the next

person, he started to resemble a Cheshire cat. By the time he was

introduced to the fifth person, his consistent smile felt like a strobe

light disturbing the ambience of the ballroom. Strobe Man went

on flashing everybody the same smile down the line. I had no further interest in talking with him.

Why did this man's stock shoot high in my ticker one minute

and plummet the next? Because his smile, although charming,

reflected no special reaction to me. Obviously, he gave the same

smile to everybody and, by that, it lost all its specialness. If Strobe

Man had given each of us a slightly different smile, he would have

appeared sensitive and insightful. (Of course, if his smile had been

just a tad bigger for me than for the others, I couldn't have waited

for the formalities to be over to seek him out in the crowded

ballroom.)

Review Your Repertoire of Smiles

If your job required you to carry a gun, you would, of course, learn

all about the moving parts before firing it. And before taking aim,

you would carefully consider whether it would murder, maim, or

merely wound your target. Since your smile is one of your biggest

communications weapons, learn all about the moving parts and the

effect on your target. Set aside five minutes. Lock your bedroom or

bathroom door so your family doesn't think you've gone off the

deep end. Now stand in front of the mirror and flash a few smiles.

Discover the subtle differences in your repertoire.

Just as you would alternate saying "Hello," "How do you do,"

and "I am pleased to meet you" when being introduced to a group

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of people, vary your smile. Don't use the same on each. Let each

of your smiles reflect the nuances of your sentiment about the

recipient.