How to Make ’Em Think We (Instead of You vs. Me)

By just eavesdropping for a few moments on any two people chatting, you could tell a lot about their relationship. You could tell if

they were new acquaintances or old friends. You could tell whether

a man and a woman were strangers or a couple.

You wouldn't even need to hear friends call each other "pal,"

"buddy," or "mate." You wouldn't need to hear a man and a

woman whisper "dear," "sweetheart," or "turtle dove." It wouldn't

matter what they were discussing or even their tone of voice. You

could even be blindfolded and tell a lot about their relationship

because the technique I'm about to share has nothing to do with

body language.

How? A fascinating progression of conversation unfolds as

people become closer. Here's how it develops:

Level One: Clichés

Two strangers talking together primarily toss clichés back and

forth. For instance, when chatting about the universally agreedupon world's dullest subject—the weather—one stranger might

say to the other, "Beautiful sunny weather we've been having." Or,

"Boy, some rain, huh?" That's level one, clichés.

192

How to Make 'Em

Think We (Instead of

You vs. Me)

✰49

05 (171-198B) part five 8/14/03 9:18 AM Page 192

Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.

Level Two: Facts

People who know each other but are just acquaintances often discuss facts. "You know, Joe, we've had twice as many sunny days

this year to date as last." Or, "Yeah, well, we finally decided to put

in a swimming pool to beat the heat."

Level Three: Feelings and

Personal Questions

When people become friends, they often express their feelings to

each other, even on subjects as dull as the weather. "George, I just

love these sunny days." They also ask each other personal questions: "How about you, Betty? Are you a sun person?"

Level Four: We Statements

Now we progress to the highest level of intimacy. This level is

richer than facts and creates more rapport than feelings. It's we

and us statements. Friends discussing the weather might say, "If

we keep having this good weather, it'll be a great summer." Lovers

might say, "I hope this good weather keeps up for us so we can go

swimming on our trip."

A technique to achieve the ultimate verbal intimacy grows out

of this phenomenon. Simply use the word we prematurely. You can

use it to make a client, a prospect, a stranger feel you are already

friends. Use it to make a potential romantic partner feel the two

of you are already an item. I call it the "Premature We." In casual

conversation, simply cut through levels one and two. Jump straight

to three and four.

Ask your prospect's feelings on something the way you would

query a friend. ("George, how do you feel about the new governor?") Then use the pronoun we when discussing anything that

might affect the two of you. ("Do you think we're going to prosHow to Make 'Em Think We (Instead of You vs. Me) 193

05 (171-198B) part five 8/14/03 9:18 AM Page 193

per during his administration?") Make it a point to concoct we

sentences, the kind people instinctively reserve for friends, lovers,

and other intimates. ("I think we'll survive while the governor's in

office.")

The word we fosters togetherness. It makes the listener feel

connected. It gives a subliminal feeling of "you and me against the

cold, cold world." When you prematurely say we or us, even to

strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer. It subliminally hints

you are already friends. At a party, you might say to someone

standing behind you at the buffet line, "Hey, this looks great. They

really laid out a nice spread for us." Or, "Uh-oh, we're going to get

fat if we let ourselves enjoy all of this."

Well, we have just explored how to copy our conversation

partners' movements with Be a Copyclass, echo their words, evoke

Potent Images from their world, create a bond through their primary sense with Anatomically Correct Empathizers, and establish

subliminal friendship with words like we.

What else do friends, lovers, and close associates have in common? A history. The final technique in this section is a device to

give a fairly new acquaintance the warm and fuzzy feeling the two

of you have been together for a long, long time.