How to Make ’Em Never Forget You with a “Killer Compliment”

Would you like to have a little trick up your sleeve potent enough

to kick start commerce, ignite a friendship or even a love affair?

I'll give you one, but only if you heed its warning label. You must

register your tongue as a lethal weapon once you've mastered the

following technique. It's called the "Killer Compliment."

It was born one night some years ago after my then-roommate,

Christine, and I had just returned home from a holiday party. As

we were taking off our coats, she had a silly smile on her face and

a faraway look in her eye.

"Christine, are you OK?" I asked.

"Oh yes," she purred. "I'm going to go out with that man."

"Man? What man?"

"Oh, you know," she said, chastising me for not knowing, "the

one who told me I had beautiful teeth."

Teeth!

That night I happened to walk by the bathroom door as

Christine was getting ready for bed. I saw her grinning at herself

in the mirror, tilting her head from side to side, and brushing each

individual tooth. All the while she kept her eyes glued to the mirror, inspecting each one for the beauty her new admirer commented on. I realized the fellow who had given Christine the

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How to Make 'Em Never

Forget You with a

"Killer Compliment"

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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.

unusual compliment had made her day—and had made a killer

impression on her. Thus the Killer Compliment came into being.

What is the Killer Compliment? It is commenting on some

very personal and specific quality you spot in someone. A Killer

Compliment is not "I like your tie" or "You're a very nice person."

(The first is not personal enough and the second is not specific

enough.) A Killer Compliment is more like "What exquisite eyes

you have," (very specific) or "You have a wonderful air of honesty

about you," (very personal).

Because delivering your first Killer Compliment is difficult, I

trick my seminar participants into pulling it off. About midway

through the program, I'll ask them to close their eyes and think

about a partner they had in an earlier exercise. Then I say, "Now

recall one attractive physical quality or personality trait you

observed in your partner. Not one you would necessarily comment

on," I caution. "Perhaps your partner had a lovely smile or a twinkle in her eye. Perhaps he exuded a sense of calm or credibility.

Got it in your mind?"

Then the thunderbolt: "OK, now go find your partner and

tell them the nice quality you noticed." "What? Tell them?" The

thought paralyzes them. One by one, however, they courageously

seek their partners and deliver their Killer Compliments. As people hear a stranger tell them they have beautiful hands or penetrating brown eyes, joy fills the room. Laughter explodes in every

corner. I am now looking out at a sea of smiles and happy blushes.

Everyone loves receiving his or her personal Killer Compliment.

And everyone develops friendly feelings toward the giver.

The Killer Compliment User's Manual

Just like a cannon, if you don't use the Killer Compliment correctly, it can backfire. Here's the user's manual that comes with

the mighty missile.

212 How to Talk to Anyone

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Rule #1: Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private. If you are standing with a group of four or five

people and you praise one woman for being fit, every other woman

feels like a barrel of lard. If you tell one man he has wonderful

carriage, every other feels like a hunchback. You also make the

blushing recipient uncomfortable.

Rule #2: Make your Killer Compliment credible. For

example, I'm tone-deaf. If I'm forced to sing even a simple song

like "Happy Birthday," I sound like a sick pig. If anyone in earshot

were foolish enough to tell me they liked my voice, I'd know it

was hogwash.

Rule #3: Confer only one Killer Compliment per half

year on each recipient. Otherwise you come across as insincere,

groveling, obsequious, pandering, and a thoroughly manipulative

person. Not cool.

With careful aim, the Killer Compliment captures everyone.

It works best, however, when you use it judiciously on new

acquaintances. If you want to praise friends every day, employ the

next technique

Technique #55

Killer Compliment

Whenever you are talking with a stranger you'd like to

make part of your professional or personal future, search

for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she

has.

At the end of the conversation, look the individual

right in the eye. Say his or her name and proceed to

curl all ten toes with the Killer Compliment