How to Make ’Em Feel Like a Movie Star

In the 1940s, movies were different. Before experimental films, cinema verité, and nouvelle vague, they had stories. Americans

hopped in their Buicks—a foxtail tied to the radio antenna and

baby boots suspended from the rearview mirror—drove to the

movie house, and watched a story unfold before them.

Almost invariably, the hero and heroine on the silver screen

would meet, fall in love, overcome seemingly impossible obstacles,

get married, and (presumably) live happily after. Oh, the stories

varied slightly. But there was always a leading man and maybe a

leading woman. Then there was the rest of the world. The supporting characters could live or die without much brouhaha. But

every minor event in the star's life was significant.

Well, movies may have changed. Human nature hasn't. Everyone feels like the star of a 1940s movie. Every trivial event in their

lives is momentous. "There's ME. Then there's the rest of the

world."

What someone had for breakfast, what shoes he chose to wear,

and whether he took time to floss his teeth can be more important to that particular someone than the fall of faraway nations or

the rise of global temperatures.

Husbands and wives sometimes share their spouse's minutiae:

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How to Make 'Em Feel

Like a Movie Star

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"What did you have for breakfast, Honey?"

"You didn't wear those shoes, did you?"

"Did you remember to floss?"

To create an interesting intimacy, big winners make a point to

remember minute details of important contacts' lives. They obviously don't feign interest in what they had for breakfast or whether

they flossed or forgot. But to make someone feel like a big star,

they remember details their contact does happen to share.

Take their lead. If a prospect mentions he had Rice Krispies

for breakfast, allude to it later. If, in chatting, your boss tells you

she wore uncomfortable shoes to work one day, find a way to refer

to it on another. If your client mentions he's a resolute flosser, compliment him at a later date on his discipline. It hints he or she is a

memorable star in the galaxy of people you've met. It's called

"Tracking" their lives. When you track their minutiae, you make

them feel like 1940s movie stars and that minor events in their lives

are major concerns in yours.

Don't Leave It to Chance

Politicians make a science out of Tracking. They keep a little black

box either on their desk, in their computer, or in their brain of the

last concern, enthusiasm, or event discussed with everyone in their

life. They keep track of where the people were, what they said,

and what they were doing since the last conversation. Then the

first words of the next phone call or meeting with that person

relates to that information:

"Hello, Joe. How was your trip to Jamaica?"

"Hey Sam, did your kid make the baseball team?"

"Hi, Sally. Have you heard back from your client yet?"

"Nice to hear from you, Bob. It means you survived that

Szechuan restaurant you were going to last time we spoke."

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When you invoke the last major or minor event in anyone's

life, it confirms what they've known all along. They're the most

important person in the world.

One of the most powerful forms of tracking is remembering

anniversaries of people's personal achievements. Did your boss get

promoted to her present position one year ago today? Did your

client go public? How much more memorable than a birthday card

to send a one-year congratulations note.

Remembering people's private passions is another. Several

years ago, I wrote regularly for a magazine. My then-editor, Carrie, was obsessed with her new kitten named Cookie. Recently I

ran into Carrie at a writer's conference. In early conversation I said

to her, "I guess Cookie's a full-grown cat by now. How is she?"

Carrie's astonished smile was my reward.

"Leil," she squealed, "I can't believe you remember Cookie.

Yes, she's fine now and . . ." Carrie went on for another ten minutes about Cookie, the now full-grown cat.

How to Make 'Em Feel Like a Movie Star 283

Technique #75

Tracking

Like an air-traffic controller, track the tiniest details of

your conversation partners' lives. Refer to them in your

conversation like a major news story. It creates a powerful sense of intimacy.

When you invoke the last major or minor event in

anyone's life, it confirms the deep conviction that he or

she is an old-style hero around whom the world

revolves. And people love you for recognizing their

stardom.

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A week later I got a call from Carrie asking me if I'd do a big

story for her magazine. Did she think of me because I used the

Tracking technique and remembered Cookie? Nobody can say,

but I have my suspicions. I've seen the Tracking technique work

on too many people to assume the rewards are coincidental.

How do politicians remember so many facts to track about so

many people? They use the following technique.