How to Know What Not to Say at Dinner

Did you ever wonder why business lunches between big bosses go

on interminably long, sometimes well into the afternoon? Did you

ever suspect it's just because they like to sit, drink, and massage

each other on the company expense account? Perhaps there's an

element of that. But the main reason is because the dining table

is an even more sacred safe haven than a party. Big boys and big

girls realize, whether it's a business dinner, lunch, or breakfast,

breaking bread together is a time when they must discuss no

unpleasant aspects of the business. After all, tough negotiating can

kill your appetite.

Let's listen in on an average business lunch between big players. We hear the clanking of glasses as they consume drinks over

convivial conversation. They are discussing golf, the weather, and

making general observations about the state of the business. During the main course, the discourse turns to food, the arts, current

affairs, and other nonthreatening subjects.

"Wasted time?" one might ask. Not at all! The big players are

watching each other's moves very carefully, calculating each other's

skills, knowledge, prowess. Like NFL scouts observing college

football practice, they're determining who's got the right stuff. Big

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How to Know What

Not to Say at Dinner

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players know how people handle themselves at a social occasion is

an accurate barometer of their big-business muscle. As they are

smiling and laughing at each other's jokes, they are all making

silent critical judgments.

Finally, coffee arrives. At this point one or more of the biggies

gently broaches the business at hand. Naturally, he or she does it

with supposed reluctance, trying to repress the obvious relief that

at last they can get down to significant stuff. He exudes, "What a

shame such genial company should have to concern itself with

mundane matters like making money."

Only after they have played out this crucial charade can they

discuss business. But no dirty business. The biggies can brainstorm

over coffee. They can discuss proposals over dessert. They can toss

around new ideas over cordials. They can explore the positive side

of the merger, the acquisition, or the partnership while waiting for

the check.

However, should any disagreement, misunderstanding, or

controversial aspect arise, they must immediately relegate it to

another table, the conference table.

How to Know What Not to Say at Dinner 315

Technique #84

Dinner's for Dining

The most guarded safe haven respected by big winners

is the dining table. Breaking bread together is a time

when they bring up no unpleasant matters. While

eating, they know it's OK to brainstorm and discuss the

positive side of the business: their dreams, their desires,

their designs. They can free associate and come up with

new ideas. But no tough business.

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This convention probably arose out of a prudent agreement

not to inflict indigestion on each other. Tough negotiating is

unpalatable and can ruin an otherwise perfectly mouthwatering

veal chop.

Incidentally, the same rule applies in the social jungle. If one

partner in a friendship or a love relationship has some heavy relationship issues to discuss, save them for after dessert. Even if you

don't solve the problem, you want to enjoy the delicious chocolate

soufflé.

Let's crawl into our third and final safe haven to explore it.