How to Intrigue Everyone Without Saying a Word

You Only Have Ten Seconds to

Show You're Somebody

The exact moment that two humans lay eyes on each other has

awesome potency. The first sight of you is a brilliant holograph.

It burns its way into your new acquaintance's eyes and can stay

emblazoned in his or her memory forever.

Artists are sometimes able to capture this quicksilver, fleeting

emotional response. My friend Robert Grossman is an accomplished caricature artist who draws regularly for Forbes, Newsweek,

Sports Illustrated, Rolling Stone, and other popular publications.

Bob has a unique gift for capturing not only the physical appearance of his subjects but also the essence of their personalities. The bodies and souls of hundreds of luminaries radiate

from his sketch pad. One glance at his caricatures of famous people and you can actually "see" their personalities.

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Sometimes at a party, Bob will do a quick sketch on a cocktail napkin of a guest. Hovering over Bob's shoulder, the onlookers gasp as they watch their friend's image and essence materialize

before their eyes. When he's finished drawing, he puts his pen

down and hand the napkin to the subject. Often, a puzzled look

comes over the subject's face. He or she usually mumbles some

politeness like, "Well, er, that's great. But it really isn't me."

The crowd's convincing crescendo of "Oh yes, it is!" drowns

the subject out and squelches any lingering doubt. The confused

subject is left to stare back at the world's view of himself or herself in the napkin.

Once, when I was visiting Bob's studio, I asked him how he

could capture people's personalities so well. He said, "It's simple.

I just look at them."

"No," I asked, "How do you capture their personalities? Don't

you have to do a lot of research about their lifestyle and their history?"

"No, I told you, Leil, I just look at them."

"Huh?"

He went on to explain, "Almost every facet of people's personalities is evident from their appearance, their posture, the way

they move. For instance . . ." he said, calling me over to a file where

he kept his caricatures of political figures.

"See," Bob said, pointing to angles on various presidential body

parts, "here's the boyishness of Clinton," showing me his half smile;

"the awkwardness of the elder George Bush," pointing to his shoulder angle; "the charm of Reagan," noting the ex-president's smiling

eyes; "the shiftiness of Nixon," pointing to the furtive tilt of his

head. Digging a little deeper into his file, he pulled out Franklin

Delano Roosevelt and, pointing to the nose high in the air, "Here's

the pride of FDR." It's all in the face and the body.

First impressions are indelible. Why? Because in our fast-paced, information-overload world of multiple stimuli bombarding us every second, people's heads are spinning. They must form

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quick judgments to make sense of the world and get on with what

they have to do. So, whenever people meet you, they take an

instant mental snapshot. That image of you becomes the data they

deal with for a very long time.

Your Body Shrieks Before Your

Lips Can Speak

Are their data accurate? Amazingly enough, yes. Even before your

lips part and the first syllable escapes, the essence of YOU has

already axed its way into their brains. The way you look and the

way you move is more than 80 percent of someone's first impression of you. Not one word needs to be spoken.

I've lived and worked in countries where I didn't speak the

native language. Yet, without one understandable syllable spoken

between us, the years proved my first impressions were on target.

Whenever I met new colleagues, I could tell instantly how friendly they were.

they felt toward me, how confident they were, and approximately

how much stature they had in the company. I could sense, just

from seeing them move, who the heavyweights were and who were

the welterweights.

I have no extrasensory skill. You'd know, too. How? Because

before you have had time to process a rational thought, you get a

sixth sense about someone. Studies have shown emotional reactions occur even before the brain has had time to register what's

causing that reaction.4 Thus, the moment someone looks at you,

he or she experiences a massive hit, the impact of which lays the

groundwork for the entire relationship. Bob told me he captured

that first hit in creating his caricatures.

Deciding to pursue my own agenda for How to Talk to Anyone, I asked, "Bob, if you wanted to portray somebody really

cool—you know, intelligent, strong, charismatic, principled, fascinating, caring, and interested in other people. . . ."

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"Easy," Bob interrupted. He knew precisely what I was getting at. "Just give 'em great posture, a heads-up look, and a confident

smile, and a direct gaze." It's the ideal image for somebody who's

a Somebody.

How to Look Like Someone

My friend Karen is a highly respected professional in the homefurnishings business. Her husband is an equally big name in the

communications field. They have two small sons.

Whenever Karen is at a home-furnishings industry event,

everyone pays deference to her. She's a very important person in

that world. Her colleagues at conventions jostle for position just

to be seen casually chatting with her and, they hope, be photographed rubbing elbows with her for industry bibles like Home

Furnishings Executive and Furniture World.

Yet, Karen complains when she accompanies her husband to

communications functions, she might as well be a nobody. When

she takes her kids to school functions; she's just another mom. She

once asked me, "Leil, how can I stand out from the crowd so people who don't know me will approach me and at least assume I'm

an interesting person?" The techniques in this section accomplish

precisely that. When you use the next nine techniques, you will

come across as a special person to everyone you meet. You will

stand out as someone in whatever crowd you find yourself in,

even if it's not your crowd.

Let's start with your smile.