How to Come Across as a Positive Person

Often people think when they meet someone they like, they

should share a secret, reveal an intimacy, or make a confession of

sorts to show they are human too. Airing your youthful battle with

bed-wetting, teeth grinding, or thumb sucking—or your present

struggle with gout or a goiter—supposedly endears you to the

masses.

Well, sometimes it does. One study showed that if someone

is above you in stature, their revealing a foible brings them closer

to you.12 The holes in the bottom of presidential candidate Adlai

Stevenson's shoes charmed a nation, as did George H. W. Bush's

shocking admission that he couldn't stomach broccoli.

If you're on sure footing, say a superstar who wants to become

friends with a fan, go ahead and tell your devotees about the time

you were out of work and penniless. But if you're not a superstar,

better play it safe and keep the skeletons in the closet until later.

People don't know you well enough to put your foible in context.

Later in a relationship, telling your new friend you've been

thrice married, you got caught shoplifting as a teenager, and you

got turned down for a big job may be no big deal. And that may

be the extent of what could be construed as black marks on an

otherwise flawless life of solid relationships, no misdemeanors, and

How to Come Across

as a Positive Person

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88 How to Talk to Anyone

an impressive professional record. But very early in a relationship,

the instinctive reaction is "What else is coming? If he shares that

with me so quickly, what else is he hiding? A closetful of exspouses, a criminal record, walls papered with rejection letters?"

Your new acquaintance has no way of knowing your confession

was a generous act, a well-intentioned revelation, on your part.