How to Ask for Favors (and Get Them!)

I once asked a well-connected friend who works in a top Los

Angeles talent agency if she knew any celebrities I could contact

for a project I was working on. Tania flipped though her Rolodex

and came up with just the names I needed. It was obvious to both

of us, I owed her big time.

When I thanked her profusely on the phone, Tania said, "Oh

I'm sure you'll find a way to pay me back."

"Well, of course I will," I said. "That goes without saying."

And well it should have gone without saying. She was reminding

me the favor wasn't out of friendship, but because she expected

something in return.

Two days later, Tania called and said she was coming to New

York in a few months. She was just checking now if I could put

her up then. Naturally I could, but blatantly cashing in on the

return favor so quickly was not a smooth move. When someone

does something nice for you, you find yourself with an elephant's

memory. In fact, you consciously look for ways to return the favor.

Had Tania called, even years later, of course I would have remembered "I owed her one." Frankly, I was glad it came up so quickly

so I could even the score. Nevertheless, I do wish the whole barter

aspect had been left unspoken. It tarnished what should have been

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(and Get Them!)

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a generous sharing on both sides. Tarnish always wears off on the

tarnisher.

When you do someone a favor and they obviously "owe you

one," wait a few weeks. Don't make it look like tit for tat. Allow

the favor asker the pleasurable myth that you joyfully did the favor

with no thought of what you're going to get in return. They know

that's not true. You know that's not true. But only little losers make

it obvious.

The next three techniques also involve timing, not of favors,

but of important discussions.