A Daughter's Determination

"Father, you called?" I asked as soon as I entered his study.

"Yes, come inside," he said, letting me in. I saw Sir Xylon was there too, as was Excalibur in his practice outfit. He was all messed up with dirt and sweat.

I walked inside, standing beside them.

"Bernice," he called me.

"Yes, Father," I said, so obedient. It is not like I recently got obedient after I returned; I always used to obey my father. I used to fear him a lot. But I used to respect him as well.

"You want to learn swordsmanship?" he asked.

Yeah, I was waiting for this question.

I took a deep breath and then said, "Yes, Father. I want to learn how to wield a sword."

My eyes were straight on his, as if I were trying to show him my sincerity. But Father didn't budge and absorbed me even more than when I entered this room. Before I let him know, "Yeah, I know what Father thinks."

"Bernice, I'm asking again."

"Do you want to learn swordsmanship? You know you can lose many things if you wield a sword." I know he knows my heart well, but he doesn't know that my heart has changed its path for a very long time.

"Yes, Father, I want to. I'm all ready to lose everything if I can wield a sword. And one more thing, Father..."

"What is it?" he asked.

"I have no idea what you will think of me. I'm not sure if you'll call me ignorant or greedy, but all I want to say is that I want to compete with Excalibur in the succession."

I can feel the temperature dropping. Yeah, I'm scared enough now.

"I want to compete with my little brother for the succession, right. So, I hope you will allow me to take the lessons, whichever he is taking at this point." I spoke.

I'm still scared, but still, it's better to answer even if I'm shivering enough. I want to get scolded for speaking my heart out, not for being silent.

"Bernice, you know what you are trying to say, right?"

"Father, I'm not trying to say anything. I'm saying, and this is what I want to happen, but only if you give me the same right as him." Now I feel a bit calmer.

The father didn't speak for a while. I saw him roaming around the room from this corner to that corner for a while. I know I'm getting worried too. As well as Excalibur, the same goes for Sir Xylon. But I want him to answer in my favor.

"Sister," Excalibur pulled the hem of my dress.

Yeah, I already changed that half-torn dress of mine.

"Sister, holding a sword is painful."

"If you hold the sword, you will have wounds on your palm just like mine. Look at mine; there are so many bumps on my hand, and it is so painful," he tried to show his palm with a sad expression. Yeah, I agree that it is indeed painful, but if I like to do it, then the pain is worth it.

"It is alright."

"I want to have the pain," as I already saw enough.

As I said, Dad stole a glance at me. Yeah, I can feel it.

"I want to talk with Bernice alone. You two can leave," the father said while Sir Xylon and Excalibur left.

I'm still standing there.

"Sit." Finally, I got to have a rest. My feet were aching.

"Tell me what is going on?" he came to say at once.

"What are you talking about, Father?" I asked as well.

"Bernice, I know what you want and what you like too, but this is different. You look different."

"Even though I know how you are into boys' stuff, you never said out loud that you want that, and you know the reason as well. And that is not because of the strict rule but because of Young Duke..."

"Father, don't say it," I'm tired of hearing the name.

Yeah, it is making me disgusted to the core.

"Bernice, tell me what is going on. You are freaking me out!" His voice was loud, but not with anger but with fear.

"Nothing is going on. I just want you to respect my decision for once. I too want to have your position. And I don't mind if you call me greedy because of that, but I hope you will let me have that," I don't know if I'm stating my mind or if I'm just blackmailing him and taking advantage of his feelings. I'm not sure.

"Okay," he said.

Did I hear it right?

"Father, what did you say?" I asked again.

"I know you heard what I said. Don't make a big deal out of it." He said he signed those approval documents for me.

It still feels like a dream.

"Still, I hope you tell me what is going on," he still asked me at last, but I didn't answer.

I let the documents slip through his fingers and ran outside. As I sped up my feet, the dress hem again came my way. I didn't even reach the door of my father's study, but it already annoyed me enough.

"Forgive me for my rudeness," I said, looking at my father.

He looked all clueless, as I said, but when I pulled out his dagger from his study table and tore the length of my dress, I saw his pupils narrow while his eyes were wide open.

I laughed, but it was more like I was teasing him. I finally ran out of his study.

"Bernice!!!!!!!" The father's voice was so loud that it was echoing throughout the entire corridor.

Sorry, Father, but I don't want to live like the shy girl I tried to be in my past life. But this time, I want to be free. I want to be free at your fingertips too. I also want to live my life as I wish, even if I am unable to succeed with you. I still want to be known as trash.